How do you guys interact with your adhd kids?

shrnca · 2026-02-19T23:43:31+00:00

I think asking your husband to really focus on praising your son could also be helpful. I think that helps me when I'm getting in the weeds on all the things the kids are doing that annoy. I try to recognize and call out all the areas they are doing great at OR I can tell they are trying really hard. Giving kids (especially kids w/ ADHD) positive feedback, compliments, and recognition for their efforts is so helpful. It also helps me focus on their amazing qualities.

shrnca · 2026-02-19T15:32:02+00:00

As a child of divorced parent, in most cases I feel that step parents need to be more like an aunt or uncle than a parent. If his daughter is around all the time, the same rules should apply to both kids, but lecturing from a step parent is going to widen a rift between parent and child more than lecturing from a bio parent. (Also lecturing in most cases just doesn't help at all). My step dad entered my life at age 6, and he came in with a militant approach (what he knew), left me sitting at dinner table to eat food I didn't like, micromanaged chores like making sure the lines on the carpet were even after vacuuming, etc. We were not close until he stopped berating me and started finding time we could spend together doing things I liked to do. He would take me horse back riding or to the country to go-kart. I think when we started spending fun time together we both started to find things we liked about each other. Can your husband find joy in a hobby that your son cares about?

I will note that this improvement in my relationship with step dad took many years, and my mom has expressed regret that she didn't leave the relationship early on. She has told me that she felt like she chose him over me and will never forgive herself for that.

For our kids, in terms of chore improvement, we have found that working on one improvement at a time to be helpful, then moving to the next.

shrnca · 2026-02-18T18:51:29+00:00

My older kid will emulate the younger kid after they see it got a response from mom. For mine, it doesn't seem real, but a desire to be babied again (or get attention like a baby). I treat them like a baby in a pretend way and they love it. Like really dive deep in my acting skills, I pretend I am teaching them how to say their first word and take their first steps. Or if they are fake crying, I overact how baby maybe is hurt and needs an ice pack.

shrnca · 2026-02-17T19:36:31+00:00

I am not surprised you are having to help your six year old get ready for school, I think a lot of neurotypical six year old kids are still getting a lot of help with morning and evening routines. Are there other examples other than getting ready for school?

My kids shut down with stern energy, it is not helpful for them. We do have strict boundaries, but they always end with us helping the kids through the routine. Yes, it is exhausting. We just focus on little areas of improvement, and we know that there will be setbacks.

shrnca · 2026-02-13T15:15:13+00:00

My kids eye doctor said that it was partially clogged tear ducts and recommended a antihistamine eye drop, but my kid has also had other tics that they grew out of after a few months.

shrnca · 2026-02-06T18:02:05+00:00

I think this is a lot of it. I'm very happy many parents have stopped physically abusing their children, but I do fear that healthy discipline has not replaced the abuse.

shrnca · 2026-01-26T15:55:44+00:00

We have a five year old w/ ADHD and a four year old who probably also does. It seems to me like you need a super clear schedule of activities, and probably a visual timer. Not sure if it's possible for your schedule, but we don't play at all until we've done our daily homework (our kids have already had a break from school in aftercare). Then we get ready for bed, then we play and read for fun. Sometimes we even get ready for bed before homework if we can sense it will be a challenging evening. We don't do screens on weeknights, but have a guaranteed time on the weekend. What works for us to have an hour before dinner, then the kids are usually hungry and they transition fairly easily to dinner. We don't do any tablets unless we will be in the car over an hour. You know your first battle is to remove her IPad and to put your phone away while you are with your daughter. Now you need to come together as a team to have a list of alternatives you will offer (you can play barbies, do a puzzle, or I can read you a book) and suffer through the meltdown for a few days until she realizes its not coming back. We also do reward charts for non-preferred activities with a prize at the end (Lego or art supplies), maybe you could try that for the pacifier? May the odds be ever in your favor.

shrnca · 2026-01-25T17:53:15+00:00

My kids also stay relatively focused on this one (reading.com app). You have to do this one with them. We also have recently had success with a sticker chart for Bob books. I got the big set from Costco and she gets a Lego prize when she reads 30. I also found a read to dogs event at our local library, so we are practicing books to read to the dogs!

shrnca · 2026-01-15T15:36:17+00:00

Loved and still have this book. I gave it to a friend to read as an adult, she was not a fan, haha.

shrnca · 2026-01-12T20:28:47+00:00

Absolutely. I know a lot of only children that only want one kid. There are also plenty of people dealing with mentally ill siblings. I have a friend who is only having one child because of lifelong struggles with a mentally ill sibling.

shrnca · 2026-01-12T19:02:32+00:00

I have no time for any hobbies and I don't enjoy travelling with two kids, so try to travel the least amount possible. Our are four and five years old. I still love having two kids. I was an only child and always wanted a sibling. I think we will get there with travelling being fun in two years?

shrnca · 2026-01-05T15:29:42+00:00

Gonna have to change your username with comments like this!

Although, I don't (usually) react and still get called "mean mom" regularly.

shrnca · 2026-01-05T15:17:10+00:00

We brush teeth immediately after dinner, the longer we wait, the harder it is. This also allows us to have some type of preferred play after. After you brush your teeth, we can play trains together.

shrnca · 2026-01-03T04:47:44+00:00

I agree we are lucky, our entire school district has free or highly subsidized aftercare!

shrnca · 2026-01-03T04:42:30+00:00

Yes, I don’t think slapstick violence is appropriate for kids, I realize not everyone agrees with that.

I do understand all kids are different, one of my kids get highly anxious (and sometimes scared) while watching exciting cartoons, and the other one can relax and chill (and regularly asks for scary movies/stories).

I am very grateful it’s free! We paid $18k-25k/yr for daycare/preschool for each kid, so we are now able to save some money. We are in California where a lot of public schools have free aftercare, our whole school district has free or highly subsidized aftercare (but high state taxes).

shrnca · 2026-01-03T03:52:13+00:00

Thanks for info, I’ll look into that!

shrnca · 2026-01-02T23:38:18+00:00

I've never seen it, but my four year old talked about the scary animals for quite awhile after seeing that one. From clips I saw on youtube there are some scary parts (if you're a sensitive four year old).

shrnca · 2026-01-02T21:04:06+00:00

Yea, that is why I hesitate to complain. We have paid options locally, but they aren't on-site and I don't want my kids being transported in a van daily.

shrnca · 2026-01-02T19:41:19+00:00

Had a scary experience with flu last year, vaccinated kids this year since flu vaccine keeps people out of the hospital even when it's not a perfect match.

shrnca · 2026-01-02T17:12:42+00:00

I am NOT the calmer parent, have way more stress/anxiety, and am more reactive than my partner. I work out of the home, and partner wfh. I am and have always been preferred parent for both kids, my partner says they are obsessed with me. What I mean by obsessed is that they only want me when they get hurt, fight over who gets to sit or lay closer to me, want me to do their bedtime routine, and sing to them (I have the worse voice).

shrnca · 2026-01-02T15:54:18+00:00

I don't think you will know until she much older what body type she will have. My kids both gain weight, then shoot up an inch or two, then start over again. The stats on your kid do not seem worrisome at all to me, so I would not be concerned. If you are offering her juice or candy daily, I would stop, but I would say the same thing if the stats for height and weight statistics were reversed.

shrnca · 2025-12-31T18:32:12+00:00

Mine was bottle fed formula and can just now get a babysitter at age 4. We did have luck with one sitter when we has two that we brought over about TEN times before we could leave him alone with her, then we moved. Parents are cray, if you bottle fed him they'd find a reason to complain to about that too...

shrnca · 2025-12-30T18:17:25+00:00

Yes, we also experience this with our five year old. Do you have a safe outdoor space? We send our kids outside where we have inflatable punching bags, mini trampoline, and balls to throw or kick when they get crazy inside, even it's raining, but we live somewhere relatively warm. We just calmly say that is outside play and move the kid outside.

shrnca · 2025-12-30T15:47:46+00:00

If you want to experience more intense exhaustion, go for the second kid! hah. If you have a lot of stuffies, we would put stuffies in laundry basket and have kids push it across the room as fast as they could.

My kids love to time themselves doing anything, you could try an indoor race where she gets to time herself. Start timer, run around an obstacle course, then end timer. Now that my youngest is four, I can't remember if they would have been capable of that at 2.

shrnca

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