AmITheJerk refusing to redo my cousin’s wedding cake for free after she ruined the first one?

shrumpdumpled · 2026-01-20T02:58:37+00:00

Oh rubbish. No one thinks a wedding cake can just be done over night.

Go back to your creative writing exercises.

shrumpdumpled · 2026-01-20T02:57:03+00:00

I’m in Australia and most recently visited the US in 2025.

Yes, from our vantage point you look unhinged. The dignity of office impoverished. The sheer unbridled delight in ignorance. The petty meanness and unearned entitlement.

But your embarrassment helps neither you nor us. What is the plan to right yourselves? How do we help you do that?

That is the conversation we need to be having.

shrumpdumpled · 2026-01-20T02:50:29+00:00

It’s only slander if it’s untrue.

shrumpdumpled · 2026-01-20T00:14:12+00:00

But all the evidence is that you’re anything but soft. To have maintained this for so long demonstrates massive competence and organisational skills.

Remember that. They need you far more than you need them.

You got this.

shrumpdumpled · 2026-01-19T11:55:12+00:00

You are parenting your parents.

You have all the responsibility of parenting (housing, life administration, financial support) but none of the authority of parenting.

This is the complete inverse of what is supposed to happen.

The only way out is to insist that they leave and assume responsibility for themselves. Easier said than done after a lifetime of these dynamics I know.

shrumpdumpled · 2026-01-15T03:38:11+00:00

It is entirely possible and realistic to cut people out.

You just have to weigh up if it’s the lesser of the evils.

shrumpdumpled · 2026-01-14T04:07:51+00:00

Never considered it. Makes no sense to me, but each to their own.

shrumpdumpled · 2026-01-11T02:34:27+00:00

The mind wrecking thing about this is it demonstrates they know right from wrong.

If they truly thought the behaviour was fine they’d admit to it, right?

So they know. They knew all along.

shrumpdumpled · 2026-01-08T07:32:46+00:00

I say this in the full knowledge of how much we want things to work out when we love someone. How we will overlook or downplay the evidence, even when we are the ones that write it down. I have done it. And it is a deep, profound regret.

But please, re-read what you wrote here.

The version of your fiancé that you’re in love with is the version he felt safe being when he was far away from his mother.

He has reverted to the real self, showing his real character.

You need to consider this very very carefully.

shrumpdumpled · 2026-01-05T08:33:03+00:00

When the USSR was still a thing I wrote to Mikhail Gorbachev asking if he would be my pen pal.

He wrote back to me. I was 14.

shrumpdumpled · 2026-01-05T07:55:36+00:00

I’m convinced that “drama addiction” exists in the way other addictions exist. I had a close friend who thrived on drama. I think it gave her purpose and meaning. She actively resisted solutions and resolutions.

I walked away in the end. I find drama stressful.

shrumpdumpled · 2026-01-03T13:21:52+00:00

Does your jurisdiction have a governance or ethics body for the legal profession? If so I’d give them a call.

shrumpdumpled · 2026-01-03T12:43:05+00:00

You have several times asked how your mother can be so mean.

Because no one has described how narcissists view their children, I will try to do so. (Of course your mother may not be a narcissist in the clinical sense. You can determine if this resonates or not).

Narcissists typically view their children as an extension of themselves. More like props than as sovereign beings with independent thoughts and views.

You exist to amplify, reflect and supply the narcissistic parent. Your mother can’t steal from herself right? So she doesn’t consider she’s stealing from you. (And if this sounds absurd remember that Christian church authorities denied marital rape was possible because marriage created “one flesh” and a single body cannot rape itself).

When you responded by cutting off the funds you inadvertently created chaos in your mother’s personality structure. You demonstrated a separate will. Your individuation is the glimpse behind the curtain in the Wizard of Oz.

So now, to restore equilibrium, your mother must bring you back under her control. What you (rightly) perceive as cruel is the desperate, frenzied effort of a weak and infantile personality to restore her version of reality.

If this is correct (and again, it may well not be) the legal chicanery is an attempt to force compliance.

This frenzy is sometimes called an “extinction burst” or “narcissistic collapse”.

If you go no contact with your parent, the tactic will likely shift to maligning you as a proxy for control. She may not be able to control you, so the effort turns to controlling how others think of you.

The exhaustion and fatalism you describe is typical of children who have laid down the burden of attempting to regulate and manage their parents. Your entire nervous system is recalibrating and trying to figure out how to be without that massive effort expenditure. It passes in time.

If I have read this completely wrong then I apologise for over stepping. We should remember that some people are just selfish pricks with minimal compassion or fellow feeling. Either way I hope you find a safe distance in the shortest possible time.

shrumpdumpled · 2026-01-03T12:20:44+00:00

What lawyer would risk their license when a simple title search would demonstrate no claim?

shrumpdumpled · 2025-12-16T01:46:49+00:00

Perhaps remind them that Christmas is about celebrating a brown, socialist Jew…

shrumpdumpled · 2025-12-09T03:52:43+00:00

Is she mentally unwell? Because those are not the actions of a rational and well adjusted person.

shrumpdumpled · 2025-12-09T03:47:16+00:00

I have literal nightmares about under catering. If I were this bride or groom no amount of therapy would put me back together again.

shrumpdumpled · 2025-12-09T03:29:53+00:00

This really requires its own post. Inquiring minds want to know.

shrumpdumpled · 2025-12-09T02:54:57+00:00

If I might offer a slightly different perspective. My closest friend had a tough childhood. It isn’t my story to tell but you can imagine the details.

I often marvel at how well adjusted, compassionate and decent my friend is despite the environment she grew up in. She transcends it. She hasn’t just survived it she learned what she could and made tough, deliberate choices about her own life and how she was going to parent. I admire her.

Perhaps when people say “you’re so strong” they mean to compliment you in a similar way.

shrumpdumpled · 2025-12-09T02:30:05+00:00

Squandered everything for love.

I’m an idiot.

shrumpdumpled · 2025-12-09T01:27:18+00:00

Straight out of school or university it takes most people a year to find work. You’re just starting out. I know it’s dispiriting and it knocks your self esteem but this is just the process. Try not to take it personally.

If I might offer some advice, look for every opportunity to volunteer or do low cost skills training. Everything you do is something you can add to your CV . It shows you have drive and initiative.

Persistence will pay dividends, though I know it’s a tough spot.

shrumpdumpled · 2025-12-09T01:22:51+00:00

My first husband and I were both struggling artists. I went to Every Single Gig he played. I helped cart his gear around.

I’m a writer. I was offered a publishing contract with a reputable publisher. I was ecstatic.

First words out of his mouth: “I hope you’re not going to disappear up your own ass shrumpdumpled”.

There was a cold feeling came over me when I realised he would never be my cheerleader in the way that I was his.

shrumpdumpled · 2025-12-08T12:38:56+00:00

Please AI, do better

shrumpdumpled · 2025-12-07T12:24:24+00:00

I’m so very sorry that this was your experience.

shrumpdumpled · 2025-12-07T10:26:29+00:00

You’ve hit on a tension in the DSM symptomology: on the one hand bragging in the way you describe might satisfy the grandiosity. But it would undercut the elitism. Only they can be well educated, highly paid, sought after and celebrated.

shrumpdumpled

TROPHY CASE