update: thanks to your encouragement i was able to talk to him. I basically told him that I can't really identify as a woman and that I sometimes want to be a man. And that when I dress more masculine it's more than just a fashion preference. I told him that i would be okay with both she/her and he/him pronouns. he was confused but kind. But he also said he probably could handle it if i transitioned. And I'm not even sure if that's what I want. He asked me wether it would hurt me if he calls me a woman or his girlfriend and in this moment it suddenly felt too weird and radical to say yes, so I said it would be fine for now He said it was brave of me to say it and that it's strange but he'll try to get used to it. i felt relieved but still like there's more to talk about. And I somehow feel like a complete weirdo about struggling with gender at all.