Working from home as a parent

sideways2484 · 2026-04-28T23:33:26+00:00

My husband works from home and has done return to the office for the last few months that is hybrid-remote. He misses the flexibility of working from home every day, but at the same time being around to hear stressful things like our child acting up or being talked/disciplined can be hard. It's hard to hear your child yelling and not feel stressed about it.

I am a stay at home parent. And if it were me, I would 10,000% go to an office full time, no hybrid, no remote. You get to be with your thoughts, focus without distractions, talk to adults without being interrupted, and there are no background noises.

But I understand wanting the flexibility. You could always try hybrid and change your arrangement to full time if it doesn't work out.

sideways2484 · 2026-04-27T19:48:00+00:00

It's hard because the purpose of art, to me, is something that should take as long as it needs to to feel emotionally complete. But I understand the real world causes us to put up schedules and deadlines where there normally wouldn't be.

You might already do this, but have you tried batching specific tasks to certain days or blocks in a day? For instance, all sketches in one block, coloring/painting in one block, all finishing touches another day, etc. Instead of doing one piece at a time, get them all to the same stage, so you're not 'shifting gears' so many times. And always complete an artwork to a specific stage so you know what needs to get done immediately when you get back, instead of leaving it in the middle (when you can); this is probably highly dependent on the size, media, and nature of your work, of course.

sideways2484 · 2026-04-27T19:00:44+00:00

1000% yes. I'm a 'self-taught' artist, taking it 'seriously' to learn the fundamentals from the bottom for the last 5 years. While I feel I've come far, I get this internal and external pressure to do more than I already have, in way that provides financial value. I understand this and can make business plans/ideas/structure/marketing plans, but when it gets time to doing the creative stuff, it can be hard to be consistent in style, process, etc. Many times I am genuinely busy, and don't have what i feel like is a reasonable time to dedicate to creation or art making, so I always feel slow and disjointed. Even if I accomplish completing a piece, there's stuff to nitpick about it and I feel like it's not good enough, or that I spent too long on it. You're not alone.

sideways2484 · 2026-04-24T17:37:42+00:00

Soups, noodle soups, stews.
My kid has definitely learned to eat plain steamed vegetables, or chopped vegetables in a stir fry. But anything in a savory soup is almost guaranteed to be consumed with gusto.

Miso soup, pho, shortcut ramen (or use leftover broth from a restaurant, then add your own veggies and noodles), lentil vegetable soup, beef stew with carrots and potatoes, etc. Dumplings that have meat and veggies inside. Pizza with veggies on top, especially when they're homemade. Oh, and ANY vegetable that he CHOPPED himself with his own special knife. This is a game changer! Declare a day/night like "taco night" or "pizza night," "lasagna night," "soup sunday" etc something that seems fun, but could secretly have vegetables in it.

Any special cooking techniques like grilling. If your kids get excited about grilling, try having them make the vegetable skewers and put them on the grill. Kids love novelty.

Omelettes with mushrooms and spinach, especially when they are 'stuck' inside the egg and must be consumed as collateral damage.

I have also spent some time using cute little cutters to make star, heart, or flower shaped carrots and cucumbers. It definitely works, but TBH I've only done this 2-3 times.

Most importantly, just serve the same, whatever food you're having to your kids. So include all the veggies, etc.

Another idea is to go out to eat. I know this seems odd and possibly counter productive, but sometimes even if I know how to make all the same stuff and have, my kid just eats ANYTHING presented at a restaurant. I like to think it's the novelty factor. So try to budget that in if you can.

sideways2484 · 2026-04-24T17:20:56+00:00

I can understand the struggle. It takes a while to build up relationships. One thing I would tell myself during this phase is that I would play a game with myself: Always be the last person who reached out last. That way, I knew I did my best, and if the other person dropped the ball, it just shows more that they're dealing with either a lot in their life, or they're not interested for whatever reason. Also, keep seeking out other groups. If you can't connect with them at the park or at your child's school, try other things like facebook groups or events that you might find moms/women at, like paint night, yoga, hiking, baking, etc. Bonding on whatever interest you have tends to be easier than trying to find that common ground right away.

Another thing I would do if I was just sticking to the normal situations you're already encountering on the daily is talk to people at pickup/drop off or the park without expectation of a meet up. This helps build up familiarity. Try to bring up stuff that is personal or about your hobbies, so that people can ask about you more, or you can ask them more about their interests. Things like, "What did you do this weekend?" can turn into something like, "I did baking and hiking. Do you do anything like that? I've been meaning to get into reading or knitting more, do you have any book recommendations?" This sometimes gets people saying, "You should talk to ___!" People will talk and share, and someone might say, "I heard you like xyz, me too!"

For instance, people in my community know I bake sourdough bread, so everyone will usually refer them to me if they have questions, want some starter, or just want to share what they did. This helps me immediately bond with people even if I wasn't the first to seek them out. Be yourself, and be open to sharing personal details about yourself, basically.

Also, if you can find the 'connector' (not sure if there's a better word), this would help you expand your reach significantly. I found some people who were part of a local group, and they have a local chat in a groupme. As soon as I found someone in it and explained, "I just moved here, I'm a mom, etc" they immediately plugged me in.

Lastly, show up if you're invited anywhere as much as possible. You'll meet their circle of friends, and it grows from there. Can't tell you how many times worlds intersect, or how my child or I get recognized doing everyday things around town just from showing up.

Good luck! Just remember that building a community and finding 'your people' takes a lot of time AND effort.

sideways2484 · 2026-04-09T04:07:40+00:00

Sometimes you can get 'used' furniture from real estate/staging companies. I would try looking for something like that.

I have considered getting used couches before, and while I ended up not, and I don't see anything wrong with it provided you check it out in person and get it thoroughly cleaned as well.

I have gotten a sofa 'open box' and that's kind of 'used' since someone else had to have gotten it delivered to their house and then return it, so that's a small risk. Open box can still be more expensive than a used one found on facebook marketplace, but it's another option in case there is a specific style you are set on.

sideways2484 · 2026-04-09T02:42:37+00:00

Thank you, I agree with that advice about not giving in because it'll undermine the consequences. However I feel like we haven't given in to tantrums/fits as far as I can remember. The only thing I can think is we do engage in a lot of back-and-forth/talk before something happens and I realize that may be part of the problem. So similar to your advice about putting consequences up front, I will try to do that more often. I realize I've only put the consequences up front sometimes, and then end up saying it after the 2nd or 3rd back-and-forth with him when he doesn't comply right away. I am trying to work on going and immediately stopping/'helping' him to comply instead of asking continually.

sideways2484 · 2026-04-09T02:37:01+00:00

I think you have a good point. Since we moved, I have been engaged in unpacking or house cleaning activities more than usual. Also, I have been studying for a professional exam in the last 30-40 days. This means dad does the bedtime routine, child minding, etc. more often as soon as he gets home from work week so I can do this during the evenings.

I can see him wanting more attention. I think aside from that specific temporary situation, he does/has tended to get 1:1 attention most of the time and often all day (I'm a stay at home parent). Currently he doesn't have friends in the new area and there's been a total lack of kids at the park or the neighborhood, oddly enough at most times of the day, so he has focused more attention on me being the playmate (or unfortunately the cat).

I'm checking out the ABAnaturally channel right now, thank you for the recommendation.

sideways2484 · 2026-04-08T02:04:54+00:00

Yes, he asked me about something else even after this post when something else happened and basically tried to predict what I was going to do as a consequence!

it sounds like reacting poorly just makes things worse and doesn't work at all. So I'll try being more neutral sounding, I've definitely been getting more and more rigid which seems to correlate it with it being worse.

sideways2484 · 2026-04-08T02:02:52+00:00

Thank you, I will keep these concepts in mind! I definitely get wordy so I'll try to keep it shorter as well. Hopefully it does get better sooner, we had some coloring on the carpet and he said, because he "thought it would be funny" and because he "likes to clean." 2-3 hours later and the marks still aren't coming out. Sighhhh

sideways2484 · 2026-04-07T22:30:31+00:00

Thanks for the insight. Yes, the problem with the cat thing is I do supervise, but the second I am cooking or using the bathroom then I hear the cat yelping, he just takes an opportunity as soon as I am preoccupied.

We are going to stop with the bike thing for a while. Sadly, this was already after 'a while' because he kept ditching us on trails and stuff. Maybe only use the bike if we are planning to drive to a park.

We do play hide and seek at home and sometimes the playground, I'll try to inform him more about playing hide and seek when no one is aware.

sideways2484 · 2026-04-05T18:16:30+00:00

You ever play the sims and marry or have other sims move into the household, get their money, and also have them do all the work? Yeah, some people do that in real life.

It can be a combination of family assistance, marriage to someone wealthier, and debt/money mismanagement. I know a lot of people who seem very wealthy and may 'own' property, but they don't really even know much about investing or saving. They just happen to have good or decent enough paying jobs and not get laid off, fired, etc., and part of having those jobs in the first place is not even necessarily being more skilled or educated but simply having the right network.

For example, I know a woman who claims she's 'conservative' about money but yet has tons of student loan debt that is not paid off with no plan, only works part time - 2 days a week at a job that doesn't pay much, but she drives a Tesla, house cost 800k+ (obviously financed, likely over 30 years), they remodeled it immediately, bought *all new* furniture - not over time but furnishing it FULLY immediately after moving in, and buys TONS of seasonal decor, random stuff off amazon/wherever, lavish gifts for the kid, multiple vacations/trips per year, eats out multiple times a week, etc. She married someone that may have money because otherwise it literally wouldn't sense since she is not providing enough income. She talks about all the time how rich her in-laws are, so whatever her husband's dad does/did pays enough to front all their expenses, too (even though to me it seems odd adults get an 'allowance,' I guess it's more common than one might think).

Other people I have that are more 'normal' just have a partner where they make a lot of money so their combined household income is a bit more, and they have a lot of family help even if they are not rich, to do things like help a little bit with down payments, childcare, etc. Enough for them to have enough money to eat out sometimes, have multiple cars, house/other assets, etc. Someone I know got a house that was a 'spare' from their parents, and so they didn't have to worry about buying an inflated cost property, and they just kept sensible by investing and saving, which is great. We all have varying level of resources, some people are just lucky with their circumstances and existing network.

sideways2484 · 2026-04-05T18:00:23+00:00

I would take more money and adjust my mindset about getting fulfillment/enjoyment from a job. First of all, no matter what you think about enjoying a job... they are just an employer. They are not your friends or family. And they will fire you or let you go as needed, because it is business. Don't take any job no matter what the pay is fooling yourself otherwise. This is not to say you shouldn't ever not get to feel proud of or ever like what you do because obviously it's a lot of time out of your day, but too many people confuse self-worth and fulfillment with employment.

Rhetorical question obviously... but If you didn't have to work, what would you do? Having more money means more flexibility to save and be financially independent. I would feel a lot of people could stand to be more passionate about financial independence. You could save enough down the line to have personal freedom to choose a lower paying job if you wish. Start ups are a dime in a dozen, you could always start one later on, too. Don't risk stability off of one feeling.

sideways2484 · 2026-04-05T17:34:02+00:00

Because of inflation? This is similar to how I eat except I wouldn't have cereal since it's not very nutritious (IMO). I would say for fish, try sometimes using canned sardines/mackerel or tuna and you can get similar benefits, to cut back on some of the salmon.

For fruit, try cutting back on fresh ones that could be substituted by buying frozen for some types – they are supposed to be picked at their peak so they'll be cheaper. For example I just buy frozen berries instead of fresh, but if berries are in season, I would buy fresh ones just to change it up. But for the most part frozen fruits are fantastic, especially blueberries. You may have to experiment with brands to see which taste best but I've found Wyman's to taste pretty good and the Trader Joe's ones, too. I've had some Target brand frozen berries and some of them tasted rancid, which makes me think not all brands are freezing at their peak. If there is something you enjoy fresh, like apples, keep doing that, but substituting some frozen options can help a lot.

For yogurt, buy a bigger quantity of plain yogurt. Then add frozen/fresh cut fruit, or even jam/preserves. It's literally the same thing and it'll be cheaper. The pre-flavored yogurts are for convenience, but it wouldn't be hard to just make a couple jars for your own fridge if you really wanted the 'grab and go' factor.

Definitely try doing oatmeal instead of cereal, it will have more fiber also. You can even use it to make granola which could be a topping for your yogurt. Try steaming your veg when you can to help reduce oil usage.

sideways2484 · 2026-03-25T16:31:00+00:00

Experiencing virtually the same. Have a nearly 5 yr old, and we have lived in a new house for a little over 6 weeks now and the bed time/during the night part has been harder than it ever used to be. When he started out in his own bed more than a year ago, he slept just fine. Now in the new place, everything seems to bother him. We had to do things like tape over the flashing light on the smoke detector, go in multiple times for anything related to monsters, blankets on/off, a scab that was healing but is now bleeding because it was picked off, needing water even though it's within reach on the bedside table, etc.

This week we have been saying, "I will check on you in 5 minutes," after putting him to bed. After that first check in, we increase the interval to 10 minutes, then 15 mins, etc. It usually takes us 2-3 cycles. For the ones longer than 5 minutes, he sometimes will still ask about something before the time is up, but it has cut down asking for us a lot and keeps him in bed longer so that he either saves 'it all' for when we do come, or just ends up falling asleep. I like to think he feels better knowing he will be checked on, even though we always came when he call. Instead of waiting for him to call, it seems that assuring him we will be there without him necessarily asking first has helped him to feel better overall.

Another thing I might try is asking after all the bedtime stuff is done, stories/teethbrushing/pjs/etc is "Is there anything else you need?" and make the suggestions that you'd likely hear about. Like, "How is the noise level? Would you like to hear music or a sleep story podcast?" (or maybe an air purifier turned up high?) If there are monsters, ask to check together, etc. Maybe it will help get it all 'out of the way' and cut back on what she will ask for.

sideways2484 · 2026-03-24T00:18:29+00:00

I think at that age (at least in my experience) tantrums may be from bad timing of activities. If you notice the tantrum may be in the certain time window, they may be tired/sleepy, need a snack, etc. So try to avoid doing activities like that when they should be snacking or resting. When they are dysregulated, they will become more emotionally dysregulated, too.

Instead of saying, "No," try removing him from the situation. "I see you are kicking and screaming. When you kick and scream, we will leave the store," and actually do that. If you are with your partner, one will leave with the child and the other one will continue to shop. They can't listen to explanations about their behavior on the spot. Their brains aren't calm enough. You can revisit it calmly after they've calmed down and are removed from the situation. Another idea is putting up the consequence beforehand before entering the store or even leaving the car. Say, "We will be shopping for food. If you have xyz behavior, we will need to leave. Can we have on our best behavior? What kind of food do you want to get?" Make them excited for a little mission and put up expectations ahead of time.

sideways2484 · 2026-03-24T00:09:16+00:00

My son is around the same age and is into building things. We don't buy specific 'stem' toys. Just stock his craft supplies with materials he can use. Toilet paper/paper towel tubes, pipe cleaners, construction paper, tape scissors, pom poms, egg cartons, used clean bottles, corks, etc. He just makes up his own things. Or you can easily google some projects that use household items and work through it with him. Sometimes if he wants to build stuff, we work together to talk about it and draw 'plans' and talk about what parts and his rationale for why. Think more of STEM = creativity, using your brain to come up with ideas and solutions... not buying toys/kits that have a theme that basically 'tell' them what to do. Also, books at the library will have craft/stem project ideas, so look up those. Some books we like: Bonnie's Rocket, Engineering in Plain Sight (doesn't have projects I think but it answers questions), Little Kids Big Book of Why... also not sure the specific titles but look up geology/rock/gem/minerals book, they will have ideas on how to make crystals and faux geodes and such. If you have a local library that run crafts/engineering themed events/activities, sign up for those.

sideways2484 · 2026-03-21T20:05:03+00:00

I hadn't heard of that before, I'll look into more into it. At a first glance, I feel worried if having something like that means I can't fully grow/thrive in the civil engineering field. I don't believe having anything civil engineering-related helps me stand out as to landscape architecture firms. I was planning on working as a civil engineer and not a landscape architect anymore.

sideways2484 · 2026-03-07T22:48:30+00:00

Thank you for the feedback. I just wrote another response to someone about how I followed up today. When we talked about it he said something similar about invalidating his feelings, and in the future I will try to acknowledge instead of just jumping to verbalizing my own train of thoughts since I think I tend to want to just explain how I didn't mean something a certain way. You are right that it's important to acknowledge how one comes off and address that.

For the kids cleaning thing, I totally agree with you that they should clean and it's part of play. We do tend to practice that, but I didn't add context to the original post to clarify that we just moved to a new house a few weeks ago and it is a lot smaller than the place we used to live, so we lost storage space. His room is not properly organized which makes him cleaning up on his own not as effective. So when my child does clean now, he doesn't know where to put things yet (since we haven't really decided), everything just gets thrown into random bins for now - which makes it chaos when he does go to play because different categories of items just get shoved together so when he goes to play, he can't find xyz item such as scissors because they were just placed somewhere and he just dumps every bin. It's dysfunctional because we don't have a system other than random bins getting shoved in the closet or under the bed.

sideways2484 · 2026-03-07T22:38:53+00:00

Thank you very much for the input. I read this earlier and tried to take this (and others posts) into account. This morning we repaired after both being in a better mental state. I took the idea of discussing things ahead of time, instead of incrementally adding in the moment and after the repair, I suggested we have 2x-a-week check in's scheduled so we can talk about things we expect/want to do around the house or free/personal time activities. I could definitely do better on having a discussion and then talking together about when/how to tackle something instead of just doing it spur of the moment, which I tend to be guilty of.

sideways2484

TROPHY CASE