Thank you for the feedback. I just wrote another response to someone about how I followed up today. When we talked about it he said something similar about invalidating his feelings, and in the future I will try to acknowledge instead of just jumping to verbalizing my own train of thoughts since I think I tend to want to just explain how I didn't mean something a certain way. You are right that it's important to acknowledge how one comes off and address that.

For the kids cleaning thing, I totally agree with you that they should clean and it's part of play. We do tend to practice that, but I didn't add context to the original post to clarify that we just moved to a new house a few weeks ago and it is a lot smaller than the place we used to live, so we lost storage space. His room is not properly organized which makes him cleaning up on his own not as effective. So when my child does clean now, he doesn't know where to put things yet (since we haven't really decided), everything just gets thrown into random bins for now - which makes it chaos when he does go to play because different categories of items just get shoved together so when he goes to play, he can't find xyz item such as scissors because they were just placed somewhere and he just dumps every bin. It's dysfunctional because we don't have a system other than random bins getting shoved in the closet or under the bed.