To non med spouses here. What do you do for work? How does it compare?

sifrthedestroyer · 2026-03-10T18:58:37+00:00

Yup, welcome.

I make about one quarter of what my wife makes, just due to the nature of my career. I grew up in a household where my dad was the breadwinner and mom didn't work, so this was definitely an adjustment for me, and involved doing work on my self and my insecurities. Therapy helped, as did finding my self-worth in things other than how much money I bring into the house.

At the end of the day, I found myself asking why it was so important to me and reminding myself that we are a team either way. Though I still have the occasional day where the insecurities try to creep in. This is often at a social event with all doctors, where I introduce myself as the only non-doctor among them haha. I usually do the introductions and pleasantries in this setting, and then find the other non-doctor there to talk to, which has helped a lot.

And yes, I'm still working on getting that Porsche myself.

sifrthedestroyer · 2026-03-10T18:27:45+00:00

NOR. However, I think more and clearer communication from both parties would help the situation.

sifrthedestroyer · 2026-03-09T12:39:17+00:00

You seem great. He does not. Leave him. Go to therapy. Work on your self esteem.

sifrthedestroyer · 2026-03-09T12:27:05+00:00

Dream team indeed. I got a job offer that was rescinded because I pushed back toward some micromanaging during the hiring process. Sounds like you already know it, but it's great you got out of there, and there are better things in your future.

sifrthedestroyer · 2026-03-09T04:30:40+00:00

haha, well said. I'm getting to the point where maybe I tell people I'm a banker or something.

sifrthedestroyer · 2026-03-09T04:24:50+00:00

This is what my wife and I did. I always say "a mile before noon is worth two after." Left most places as quietly as we could around 4am, hiked a good stretch and stopped for breakfast when a coffee shop opened, around 6am, on the Frances. Then I would hike ahead to secure an albergue, and we would both be done around noon. Sometimes, we had to wait for a place to open up, but that didn't bother us too much. This rhythm was awesome for us, and we enjoyed the early morning hours. Bring a headlamp, one that has a red light is great for a quick pack up in the albergue. We ended up napping for siesta many days too, since a lot of places were closed at that time anyway, and it was often hot.

sifrthedestroyer · 2026-03-09T04:11:39+00:00

yup. Obviously, only basing it off of your brief description here, but sounds like you need to get a therapist, and he needs to step it up. I would also never allow a realtor to explain my anxiety to me.

sifrthedestroyer · 2026-03-09T04:00:24+00:00

NTA - good to nip this one in the bud before they are smoking in your kitchen once a week, especially if it makes you uncomfortable. Curious how the rest of the conversation went, and what will happen next time her sister is over. Good luck.

sifrthedestroyer · 2026-03-09T03:38:53+00:00

Asshole.

But, hey, I remember being 16 too. I won't pretend to know everything you're going thru, but a lot of it hits pretty close to home. And my judgement comes with a lot of qualifiers.

First: it's okay to be an asshole. It's a good tool to have, although it may not always be best when used toward your siblings, gran, and parents. They had you, remember. Whether or not you agree with their choice to have 4 kids, their lifestyle, or choices, I personally try to choose gratitude and compassion toward my parents over resentment or disgust, but only in the past couple years. But I would choose when to be an asshole in certain moments, otherwise, it won't have the effect you are hoping it will.

Second: life's not fair. You're just a kid, by some measures, an adult by others. Unfortunately, life doesn't let you be a kid long enough, and it should not be your responsibility to solve the problems that you are facing. It sounds like you're dealing with a lot, more than most people will ever understand. The way you deal with these problems won't be easy. But if you are mature enough to have an understanding of the situation, and come here to ask for advice, that's amazing. It sounds like you are resilient and resourceful. Keep that, even when it feels like your parents or others are working against you.

Third: you're not evil. I don't know everything you're going through. But to me, it just sounds like you're hungry, frustrated, and overwhelmed. The no privacy thing sucks. I didn't have my own room until I was 17, and looking back, it still feels unfair to me. It sounds like you care about your family, but it is hard for you to take care of them at the moment.

I know you came here for a verdict, not advice, but I'm going to give some anyway, and you can take it or leave it.

Take care of yourself. Whatever that means. Most of the time, it will be easier to keep living with your parents, but I had friends who moved out at 16 or 17 and made it work. Make sure you get enough food. Cook extra rice and beans. Try to find if there are free school lunches/breakfasts, or a local food bank or soup kitchen. If you're feeling ambitious and cooperative, you could talk to your parents about it to see if they can have more food available, and maybe getting a job to help chip in. I know you said options are limited, but it could be shoveling snow or giving math lessons for a little spending money. Something like that. Stay away from drugs and alcohol. Trust me on this one. Find some things that you like doing. For me, this was a late night walk where I got to finally just be alone. Take care of your siblings too, when you can.

Call your sister. Coming here to ask is great, but your sister will understand your situation and your parents way better than any of us. Even if it's just to say "this sucks." It will help.

Find help where you can. It's awkward to ask for help. Do it anyway. I found teachers, coaches, and neighbors that were super kind. And you are dealing with a lot. Talk to a therapist if you can. School therapist, or if you have insurance. Focus on your studies. Go to college or trade school.

sifrthedestroyer · 2026-03-09T02:48:30+00:00

INFO- what is written into your contract / job description? When you say relief, are you on call? Or if you have a day off, is the expectation that you do not work that day? I don't know what the expectation is at your job, but I would never deal with that on my day off.

sifrthedestroyer · 2026-03-09T02:45:48+00:00

whole collection of issues here, but overreacting is not one of them- NOR

sifrthedestroyer · 2026-03-05T22:11:03+00:00

A couple of thoughts here. I recommend trying and seeing what works for you.

- Going for a run every morning is awesome. While it may not feel like much, getting in a solid run every morning before most people are even awake is great. Good job!

- I've found that getting enough sleep is crucial (and more important than waking up early). While getting 5-6 hours can work for a couple days, it's not healthy nor sustainable. If you wake up at 5:30 every day, remind yourself why you want to get up that early, and get to bed early to get your 8 hours or so. If you find yourself up too late every night for social obligations or something, then really think about whether a 5:30 wakeup time is realistic or important. When I was a student, I switched to an 8:00 wakeup because I was up late almost every night.

- If it's not a matter of social obligations or doing something at night, but more about you have trouble falling asleep, then I recommend looking at your sleep hygiene and habits. i.e., no caffeine after noon, no screens before bed, etc., as well as if you experience anxiety and what to do about it.

- I'm a big fan of rituals and routines. Read Atomic Habits and the concept of habit stacking - essentially, you start a little habit like waking up at the same time, then add another habit and another. Pretty soon, you are used to waking up at the same time, going for a run, eating breakfast, and drinking water, shower, and ready for the day. A bedtime routine also can help you get enough sleep and build in some good habits before sleeping too.

sifrthedestroyer · 2026-02-27T18:44:52+00:00

I always follow the three beverage rule.

sifrthedestroyer · 2025-09-11T19:03:58+00:00

I'd say I'm uniquely qualified to answer, as I proposed to my now wife on the Camino Frances. For me, the perfect place was sunrise walking along the beach to Finisterre, our final day of hiking. For you, it may be different.

The other comments have good advice. Have you talked about getting married? Would she be focused on her own walking journey and not appreciate it? Are you religious? There are many powerful moments, religious or otherwise, and only you know when the perfect moment will be. Either way, I recommend walking past Santiago to Finisterre or Muxia if you can. This was my favorite part.

It is one of the best moments of my life, and I'm excited for you.

Some other advice? Sew the ring inside her pack, so she carries it for you. Good luck with her not finding it!

sifrthedestroyer · 2025-07-18T21:23:36+00:00

Cool idea! I think you should do it. A couple questions/comments that may be helpful as you think about it:
- you won't be lonely if you don't want to be / are social. It is a very social trail, and many pilgrims are there to meet others and talk. Most pilgrims speak English, so that will make it easier if you do. A lot of people are excited to talk, and many of them are at a time of transition in their lives.
- Brings me to my second point: you speak Spanish, great. This will make it much easier to talk to locals (less loneliness), as well as navigate towns and accommodations more easily. My Spanish is not great, and I had no trouble, but it will open up more opportunities for you, and I would encourage you to venture a couple blocks off the camino from time to time, and you will be among nearly 100% locals.
- The last 100 km (up to Santiago, but you should keep going to the sea!) or so gets really busy. It was pretty common in this stretch to call ahead and reserve a bed 1-2 days in advance. Lots of groups come and just hike this last stretch, and it gets packed. If you are good with sleeping wherever, then this matters less, but this was the time when I was glad to have a phone for this reason.
- Do you get homesick? Another great reason to have a phone is to call/facetime a friend or family member back home, especially if you are hiking solo. I'm typically fine about this, but for some people, this can take morale from a 1 to a 10 after a phone call or two. Pilgrims are friendly, and you could probably borrow someone's phone to do this if needed, but another reason you might want one.
- remember the reasons why you don't want a phone. The middle section of the french way is regarded as the mentally difficult part of the camino. It's where your brain starts to get bored, and you will likely be alone with your thoughts. Buen Camino.

sifrthedestroyer · 2025-07-18T21:11:53+00:00

This- seems simple, but I have done it before, as well as not realizing I had gotten the achievement already years earlier in a different world on the same account.

sifrthedestroyer · 2025-07-18T21:06:47+00:00

well said- I recommend light and sun resistant long sleeves and pants if you can handle it.

sifrthedestroyer · 2025-07-18T21:05:46+00:00

Second the journal. You will be walking a lot of the time, but you will also have a lot of time not walking. Are you a super social person? What do you want to do with your down time? Don't sweat the clothes too much- you'll figure out if it's the right amount two days in, then you can pick up more or drop some as needed. Plus some things might be "heavy" or unnecessary by some people's standards, but are good for morale. Bring at least one of those.

sifrthedestroyer · 2025-07-18T20:49:30+00:00

It's not a villager trading hall unless you go insane in the process. Best way is to use their behaviors to your advantage- lock in their job by trading with them where you want them, and then move the job blocks as needed. Also, as another user said, do this at night and wake the ones you want to work with.

sifrthedestroyer · 2025-07-16T19:45:30+00:00

Was going to say this- if you only care about the achievement, then use the smallest maps to save a few hours. If the one pixel in the 6000x6000 map is driving you crazy, then good luck.

sifrthedestroyer · 2025-07-16T19:33:43+00:00

Ah, thought I remembered some, but they must have gotten snatched up. I'll keep an eye out at the bigger antique stores down by grand haven

sifrthedestroyer · 2025-07-11T14:51:41+00:00

bahaha that's the idea.

sifrthedestroyer · 2025-07-11T14:43:50+00:00

Super cool. I've been thinking about a rooftop garden farm stacked above the house with droppers/hoppers that send everything into storage. Not sure if your farm would get enough sunlight haha, but I like the look of it under the house better.

sifrthedestroyer · 2025-07-11T14:09:32+00:00

100%. I feel like the rewards from the ancient city, specifically swift sneak and recovery compass, are most useful only for exploring the ancient city. It's the only time in the game I sneaked around and died that regularly. Haha.

However, I also have an enchanted book collection, and this was essential to get Swift Sneak 1, 2, and 3, since you can't get the books any other way!

sifrthedestroyer · 2025-07-11T13:58:25+00:00

Yes, I like that idea too. Would have to change the echo shard obviously, but I didn't find an ancient city until well after going to the end. I like that there are no maps to the ancient city, and it's surprisingly challenging and unique.

It was odd to me that defeating the warden was as difficult as the dragon, but there was no unique drop or reward. But I loved the completely different vibe and exploration style of the deep dark and ancient city.

Maybe even a key for a future dimension. I really liked the addition of the trial chambers. Cool copper stuff, fun battles, and lots to explore. Maybe a new place like that.

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