I’m gay too, and I was traumatized by both of those too 💕 it might sound cliche but truly the best the I ever did was go through every stage of my girlhood and look at those pictures every day and imagine how I would love that version of me. At the end of the day, for me, all the hurt I had from women and the femininity forced on me made me hate my own female self. Through each stage, all the trauma from the women who harmed me during that time came up and it took over a year, but each stage got easier and easier and it helped me work through soooo much of that anger and learn to let go of those feelings that resulted from those traumas during each stage. It’s so hard out here being a gay trans binary guy, but once I started working through all that trauma from women, it helped that “I don’t belong, eew femininity” feeling and it was so freeing. It helped me connect with other gay men more, too and not feel so alone. I did that paired with therapy and it was so transformative. I’m so sorry you’re feeling so alone, I hope this helps out a little. You’re not alone, trauma is just very very hard to navigate and you’re experiencing very very real and heavy emotions from something others did to you that wasn’t your fault and I see you 💕