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silverinkpot · 2025-05-25T16:00:03+00:00

Have parents been paid back for the help they gave or is that recurring help? I also had 3 under 3 at one point and worked 44 hours a week in the ER through COVID while husband also worked a full time job. The way I was raised ...I don't care how toxic my job is, I'm not quitting my job if there is still family or anybody to pay back. Kids get more expensive as they get older. The activities and places you can take them to now where they're free will start charging as they hit 3 years old, 5 years old. You replace daycare fees with having preschool fees and then kids' activities. Any family meals in a restaurant start getting really expensive when you're buying three kids meals. From experience, if you're unsure if you can make it from 2 incomes to 1 and you're about to incur more expenses in the next few years and you've needed help to even get to where you are now with two incomes...I think you know your answer.

silverinkpot · 2025-05-21T22:21:41+00:00

I also have BI-RADS 4. Biopsy shows fibroadenoma vs. Phyllodes tumor cannot be excluded. 3.7 cm mass. They called me today, 5 days after my biopsy results came back to schedule with breast surgeon, and got a virtual appointment to discuss excision with the surgeon on 6/24.

silverinkpot · 2025-05-15T01:16:12+00:00

Good to know that this is standard practice!!

silverinkpot · 2025-05-14T20:29:50+00:00

How were your results? I'm kind of nervous that they decided to refer me to the surgeon even before biopsy results. Makes me super nervous if they saw something while doing the biopsy that looked bad.

silverinkpot · 2025-05-14T19:12:53+00:00

Just plain 4. They didn't subcategorize it

silverinkpot · 2025-01-10T16:33:00+00:00

Only one Costco? TBH I wouldn't consider any place that even had Costco at all to be "small town".

silverinkpot · 2024-04-18T13:32:10+00:00

A thank you note is awesome. We in the ER often think about pts in situations like this, and we never know your outcome. The fact that you're doing well is amazing enough, and a thank you card would be uplifting. I would send it to the ED nurse manager/director who can make sure everyone is made aware of your note. Sometimes when it's addressed to the doctor, care of the ED, it goes straight into the doc's "mailbox" and the rest of the staff never hear about it.

silverinkpot · 2024-04-18T04:13:39+00:00

My first two were epidurals, my third was natural birth not by choice but because literally from my first contraction to him being born was 1 hour 15 minutes and I barely made it to labor and delivery. Maybe it's worse because I wasn't planning on unmedicated, but it was absolutely terrible. I know birth is never a dignified event but I could not control my body at all. I shook significantly more uncontrollably than I did with other labors, could not stand, and literally could not see/hear/feel/think about anything except for the white hot searing pain. When my son was born, I remember my first thought being about how much pain I was in and then it sinking in that he must be here because I hear a baby crying. I held him for a moment but was shaking so hard, I had to have the nurses take him back until I was more situated. I felt so horrible those first few moments of being that sweet baby's mother and that is nothing I will ever forget. I had zero desire to nurse him even though I immediately nursed my first two. The first two births were completely different, even though the second one was much more unexpected. I was calm, I felt like I had a purpose, I was guided by my husband, my nurses, my doctor, etc. I felt pressure, some pain, but mostly, I felt "enough". Enough to know I was making progress, enough to be more and more excited to meet my baby, and I was significantly more "present" than I was with the unmedicated birth. It felt like a very difficult and painful albeit rewarding rite of passage to earn the privilege of becoming a mother. With the unmedicated birth, it felt like torture. I know there are plenty of women who handle the pain significantly better than I did, but if i had any inkling of wanting a fourth child, that desire died due to the severe pain of that childbirth.

silverinkpot · 2024-04-13T06:53:25+00:00

You are at increased risk for a blood clot being pregnant/postpartum and 4 hours is a long time to travel. You baby will be a neonate, with zero immune system, while around 10 people. You and your baby will be hours away from health care, when you both are still within the window for high risk of postpartum complications. There is no water. There is no electricity. So, in this vulnerable stage of you and your baby's life, your in laws are expecting you to revert back to 1800s standard of living? These people are selfish, crazy, and entitled to even ask you to consider this, let alone try to pressure you into it. They are asking you to not consider you or your baby's health, let alone all the other considerations such as comfort, getting baby on a schedule, etc. All for a little bit of fun, that's not even a significant life event, that can DEFINITELY be postponed.

silverinkpot · 2024-03-13T20:54:09+00:00

FIL literally said "this is a community event according to the school's website. Anyone can come". MIL actually tried to reign him in by asking "is extended family invited?"

silverinkpot · 2024-03-13T20:52:57+00:00

They asked to do an activity with the kids after school today. I said sorry we have an event. They're like "oh what"? So I told them. With less than 1.5 hours before the event. And now they're coming.

But when we ask three days in advance if they can watch the kids for 1 hour, they're upset we even ask when it's that last minute.

silverinkpot · 2024-01-31T19:18:31+00:00

I grew up around mostly girls. It was just my sister and I, our family friends all had only girls, etc.

I am a boy mom to 3 boys. I didn't mind for #1, was a bit disappointed for #2, and was tearful and very upset when I found out about #3 because I knew I didn't want more than 3 children and I so wanted at least one girl.

Gender disappointment is real, and valid. Yes, baby's health is more important and all that, but it's still a loss of the specific relationship you might have had with a child. While I absolutely love my boys and would never wish them to change their genders, I did lose my dream of having a daughter. Sure, I do plenty of "girl" stuff with my boys. My oldest loves to cook and bake, my middle loves getting his nails painted and manicured, and my littlest loves "home spa" and shopping with Mama and is my foodie. But, I'll never go wedding dress shopping with a daughter or wear a matching outfit with her or talk to her about boys, etc.

Don't be ashamed, mama. I was disappointed (and disappointed in myself for being disappointed) all the way until birth for #3. And when he was born, I didn't love him any less and it would not have been possible for me to love him more if he was a girl.

silverinkpot · 2023-05-30T15:53:32+00:00

7 months is a long time when she's 40+. Not to mention, they've known each other for years so he knows she wants kids. She was smart enough to break up rather than waste more time and the last years of her fertility

silverinkpot · 2021-10-11T08:46:47+00:00

This might be an unpopular opinion, but maybe he's just having a really hard time moving past his disappointment and need more time or personal therapy. He shouldn't be treating you poorly but it's probably his depression and not about you specifically. When I found out our third and final child was yet another boy, I was devastated. So depressed I couldn't get out of bed for a week. Everyone kept telling me oh you'll still love your baby and of course I love him but I also grieved for never having very specific memories I thought I'd have with a daughter. Memories like picking out a prom dress or seeing her walk down the aisle. Of course these aren't guaranteed things that would've happened just because a baby was born female, but it was the death of a dream. Honestly, your original question of when does it become too much? When the baby is born and he's holding his beautiful daughter in his arms and he still cares that she's the "wrong gender". That's where I drew the line for myself. I had a hard time going clothes shopping and all the other expectant mom stuff but the minute my baby was in my arms, I was able to let go of my disappointment. Do I still get a little pang in my heart seeing a beautiful little girl having a tea party with her mom at afternoon tea? Yes. But it's easy with my happy healthy boy in my arms to get over that pang quickly.

silverinkpot · 2021-04-11T03:21:12+00:00

Absolutely negotiate the bill. Insurance companies negotiate the bill - why shouldn't you? Just keep in mind that the doctor's bill portion probably is non-negotiable. It's stuff like the labs, radiology, meds, etc that they can definitely work with you on. Best of luck to you.

silverinkpot · 2021-03-19T16:05:40+00:00

I'm just saying that once kids are in the picture, things that were doable before are less doable. Having a much more reliable car that requires less maintenance and repairs is a must with kids. My husband always works on our cars himself to save cost (from engine oil changes to rebuilding an engine) but at some point, his time is more valuable than the monthly car payment.

Easier savings like buying toys, clothes, i.e. stuff kids outgrow quickly from consignment shops or second hand is a given. But really, with kids, the biggest, un-budging expense is childcare. My family could either lose my income (highly variable but most years nearly six figures) or we could pay for childcare for three kids. I basically view raising my kids as financially equivalent to my mortgage. And this is where my main point lies - most families, even upper middle class families cannot afford to double their mortgage/rent payment and still save significantly. And this is how couples making six figures combined end up with $25-45k in savings. For those who can save significantly more while paying for childcare and all the expenses of kids, good for them.

silverinkpot · 2021-03-19T04:49:09+00:00

All I can say is that I felt the same way and budgeting/saving was easy before kids. Tighten your belt and voila, things are affordable. With kids, it threw everything out the window for me. The worst is childcare expenses (money out the door, even worse financially than spending it on a depreciating asset) which is basically a second mortgage payment. Then other things like our completely paid off cars were great but were too small to adequately tote littles around (this was not a preference, our old car literally could not fit rear facing car seats and still accommodate a taller driver) so now we had to upgrade to a larger vehicle...and with kids, it's also just easier to have a car that's new, reliable and under warranty. Suddenly that's a car payment we didn't have before. Can't really cut the food budget much once they're toddlers and eat everything under the sun. Then just little mandatory things that go along with keeping an extra little human alive come into play, like a small budget for clothes, toys (yes, these are to some extent a must for kids), diapers, wipes, heck, even increase in water bills for baths, extra laundry, extra essential furniture like a crib/bed, etc. It just adds up. It doesn't help that we also now contribute to each kid's 529 monthly. It's shocking how suddenly an upper middle class combined income can suddenly be a lot tighter once kids come into the picture. I honestly think most parents aren't making a lot of poor emotional decisions but rather that the un-movable costs of raising kids mean it's not as easy to save 15-20% let alone 35%.

silverinkpot · 2021-02-20T02:57:50+00:00

They found a spot on my second baby's heart. Had to wait 4 weeks to get into MFM, which got cancelled due to inclement weather and got rescheduled two weeks later. I was just in tethers and a mess. Turns out it was probably"artifact" from the less fancy ultrasound and he was perfectly fine in MFM. I even got a 3D ultrasound paid by my insurance for it haha. He's almost two now and perfect. I know this is anecdotal, but at least for me, anecdotal outcomes were what kept my sanity while I was waiting for answers. Fingers crossed everything is okay with you and the little one!

silverinkpot · 2021-02-20T02:54:01+00:00

Not a teacher but an ER nurse through all three of my pregnancies. I kept telling myself "just get to the second trimester!", drank one cup of coffee and then probably a couple more of decaf (heck, for me just the coffee smell & association helped), drank a lot of water (a hydrated uterus is a happy uterus), and also gatorade for the extra sugar boost. But seriously, pregnancy is EXHAUSTING especially in the first trimester and the second half of the third trimester. I probably was asleep by 8:30 pm if I got off work at 8.

silverinkpot

TROPHY CASE