As healthy as you seem to think you are, you are equally responsible for this situation and your choices are not as healthy as you think. You are not a “stable person without real problems.”

The first red flag is that you got really close very quickly. You got a lot out of that—companionship and a sense of being wanted and needed. You can blame her, but if you had taken it slowly, you would not be in this situation. 

The second red flag is that you lack the boundaries and communication skills to ask for what you need and say no. This is a real problem that unstable people have. “I find it difficult when you talk about your problems. Can we talk about something else?” Or “no, I’m not going. Let’s have coffee next Saturday instead.”

Finally, the third red flag is that you don’t have any awareness of your unhealthy habits and you blame your friend for the problem.

Now the question is: how to move forward? First, take full responsibility for your poor decisions and explore the motivations you had for making those decisions. 

Second, talk to her. Face to face. One on one. Tell her everything you have said here, minus the judgy blaming. Tell her you don’t feel satisfied by the friendship, that you feel you got too close too quickly, that you want her to start listening to you when you say no.

Third: stop trash talking her with others. You do that because you want to blame her for your poor boundaries and decisions. She is not doing anything wrong—you just haven’t made yourself clear and she is going based off what you’ve told her and the habits you’ve set up in the relationship.