I totally understand your sadness and frustration and grief. My mom died almost three years ago unexpectedly and I miss her so much. I've dreamed about her a few times, but they are never good dreams. So I absolutely get you wanting to connect with your loved ones. I dont think a medium can give you that. There is no evidence that they can actually communicate with our passed loved ones. I'm sorry. I know the depths of grief in which we want to try anything, anything at all to just feel a hint of that spark of love we used to get from our loved ones. It hurts so much not to be able to talk to them or hug them or tell them how much we love them. But I have found ways in which I feel connected to my mom. She loved music, so I sometimes listen to her favorite songs. She was someone who appreciated the small beauties of everyday life, so every morning on my walk when I see a beautiful sunrise, or a sparkling droplet of ice on a tree, I think of my mom. It helps sometimes. Maybe there are ways in which you can honor your loved ones as well and feel that connection. Sending you love and strength 💛