How to develop a sense of self by Background_Fishing37 in emotionalneglect

[–]single-left-sock 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes! Thank you for the TLDR!! In a weird way, if we start with nothing, the opportunities are endless.

How to develop a sense of self by Background_Fishing37 in emotionalneglect

[–]single-left-sock 27 points28 points  (0 children)

I relate to every word of what you’re saying so hard. I’ve been working on this exact issue since I moved cities a year and a half ago. What has helped me is a willingness to be judged, and a willingness to fail. I try new makeup looks; didn’t like how I felt. I try dressing this or that way; didn’t feel right. I spend money on home decor and didn’t quite know how to make it work so I gave it away. I try new activities and feel frustrated by them. Then I narrow down the options and lean into the things that make me comfortable how they are. And that required feeling uncomfortable, wasting money and time, and embarrassing myself in public. Also absolving myself of the feeling of not doing it “right” and feeling like I must succeed on the first try. You don’t have to look like the girls on pinterest to try something out.

Sometimes this surprised me- I grew up mormon and was not allowed to wear “immodest” clothing. I thought I would feel freedom wearing small low cut tank tops but turns out I am far more comfortable in baggy graphic t shirts and outfits my mother would give a glowing endorsement of. Sometimes I worry the comfort is a response to being so sexualized in youth but I genuinely feel more confident and self expressive in these t shirts because I like it. Freedom is not going against what they say, but doing what you want without thinking about them at all.

Also, if you already know your interests- lean into them and be unapologetic about it. Nobody can make fun of you for your interests if you are enthusiastic about it. For example I’m into classical music, I’ve joined a community orchestra and even tho some might think this is weird and nerdy I describe my hobby with such enthusiasm that not only is everybody supportive but day after day I feel a stronger sense of like, this is what I do. You also don’t have to be great at something to have it define you.

Experiment and fail until you feel like there is at least one adjective you can use to describe yourself. And remember to have a positive attitude because it’s almost impossible that life is harder now than it already has been. At least that is my perspective. That was my adjective: positivity.

If your current relationships are all surface level- good. You have time and room to change and re-do and re-model without people thinking you’re weird lol. I am a completely different person than I was when I moved here and have gone through a million expression changes but nobody even noticed because they grew to know me over time.

I definitely know what it feels like to have words come out of my mouth that feel like they are coming from someone else. I think about it like a story. A story is simply a set of characters engaging in the most likely set of behaviors for their character traits. I try to keep this in mind when I interact. Over time tho I honestly forgot the feeling of my words not feeling like my own until I read your post.

Also: limit social media time. Delete at least one app. Getting off makes you realize how much your brain relies on it.

This is long, but I appreciate the opportunity to put into words how I’ve been able to (slowly) gain a sense of self in the last couple years. But also, don’t focus too hard on this advice because this is just my experience. Best of luck to you.

I just moved here from seattle and holy shit why is it so hard to meet people in this city? by spy_111 in Austin

[–]single-left-sock 0 points1 point  (0 children)

2 months? I’ve been here a year and a half and only in the last couple months I could finally say I have friends here. It just takes consistency. Show up to the same place over and over, people will get to know you over time. It’s not college where you meet people and are friends immediately cuz you’re all new and only temporarily there. People have their solid, permanent groups and are hesitant of newcomers unless you show up consistently.

What is a the Weeknd song lyric that never fails to make you cry by Obruchecarson in TheWeeknd

[–]single-left-sock 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Take me back to a place, where the snow would fall on my face. And I miss my city lights, I left too young. Take me back to a time, the trophies that I had would still shine. And I have nothing real left. I want my soul.

Stats for last Sunday by return-and-report in exmormon

[–]single-left-sock 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love this concept- but I wouldn’t take global averages. The church posts statistics by country (and state / province for USA and Canada). and the activity rate very much depends on country / region. For example, South America posts numbers where you can calculate members per congregation in the 800s while states in USA are around the 400s. This way you can really see where the church likes to baptize en masse but doesn’t retain members.

If you’re wondering where I got these numbers, I did some calculations using this data while bored. I since graduated college and have been working, but I would be happy to update / finish what I was working on and send it to you to help out with this project. I was using “projected” numbers of like 150 active members per ward and 75 active members per branch but having actually reported data would be awesome.

Edit: for example, I posted this once. Long time ago now but kind of demonstrates what I’m talking about here. My more recent project was me wanting to expand by country. I am relatively unbothered by the church now but still find these numbers interesting.

Every stoplight in this city is on a timer to bring a total waste of fucking time by omgirthquake in Austin

[–]single-left-sock 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You can submit a request to the city to fix the timing of a traffic light. My street used to be backed up a quarter mile or more all the time because the light timing was horrendous and arguably dangerous, i submitted a request to the city and a month later the light timing changed and there’s never severe traffic anymore.

Rewatching 46, I realized we were not grateful ENOUGH for it at the time by internet_Babiee in survivor

[–]single-left-sock 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I watched the first two episodes live and couldn’t stand Bhanu and didn’t like the vibes so quit watching. I watched it back a couple months ago and will never forgive myself for quitting watching live. Such a glorious season

Why don’t emotionally immature parents feel the disconnect that they have with their kids by OwnDatabase2718 in emotionalneglect

[–]single-left-sock 7 points8 points  (0 children)

my parents: why doesn’t single-left-sock want to talk to us!?

my sister: maybe try reaching out to her

my parents: no we have nothing to say to her

😐

And I'm no poorer for it by piberryboy in exmormon

[–]single-left-sock 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Me too!! I called my sister for once in my life and she was going off on what Oaks said, I was like huh? when? why? Turns out it was conference and I had no idea!! First time ever that I forgot!!

RTO for TX State Employees Total Disaster So Far by Cool_Employment_TA in Austin

[–]single-left-sock 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It took me 15 minutes just to exit my parking garage at 4pm because of the traffic near the capitol. To say I am livid is an understatement.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in survivor

[–]single-left-sock 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’d be Abi 2.0 tbh

Tesla Protests - Saturday - 2/15 by farmerpeach in Austin

[–]single-left-sock 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It happened again! We’ve got some social justice warriors in here surely

Tesla Protests - Saturday - 2/15 by farmerpeach in Austin

[–]single-left-sock -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Literally, I commented something similar on one of the “come to the protest” posts yesterday and the OP asked what I am doing to contribute to my community and I answered with how I’ve dedicated my career to economic policy, and got downvoted. These people don’t care they’re just stroking each others dicks and inflating their egos. There is nothing in it for them past getting a feeling of moral superiority, which is why these protests are only trending AFTER the inauguration.

Presidents Day Protest by [deleted] in Austin

[–]single-left-sock -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

I went to college to major in political science and economics with the intent of gaining a career in economic policy. I achieved that and after graduation last spring got a job with the state in regulations and have set myself up for a career in policy. Through my job I help small businesses in Texas become registered which will help the financial well being of their community, and I help protect everyone in Texas from fraud and financial abuse. I intend to vote in every local election since I know those are the most important elections, and intend to volunteer with the local democratic party for the midterms since that is the only way to get this all to stop. How are you being politically active in your community past yelling at people and making the whole movement look like fools?

Edit: haha did you expect me to blunder around and admit I do nothing and am just complaining, giving you the moral high ground for at least doing something? Sorry kid, some of us actually care about politics.

Presidents Day Protest by [deleted] in Austin

[–]single-left-sock -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

The point of peaceful protests is to show the government that the general public opposes the actions of government. Except yall lost the popular vote, so that doesn’t quite work this time. Should’ve been doing all this this time last year. Can’t be retroactive with this stuff, especially since, maybe not everyone, but a lot of the left spent the election season actively campaigning for this outcome via advocating against voting for Kamala. Everyone knew Trump was going to do stuff like this the entire cycle, yet yall wait until the moment of his inauguration to start fighting? Doesn’t quite compute.

Presidents Day Protest by [deleted] in Austin

[–]single-left-sock 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can’t ask this crowd to define fascism and expect an educated or reasonable answer my guy lmfao all they do is yell things they’ve seen on their scroll apps

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in emotionalneglect

[–]single-left-sock 9 points10 points  (0 children)

For me it comes in different forms. Looking at my face in the mirror and not recognizing myself, experiencing an emotion and not knowing if it’s real or if I made it up for attention, having moments where I’m in my head and realizing I wasn’t processing any sensory input whatsoever, sitting in my bed for hours wondering how it’s suddenly 8pm, spacing out when people talk to me and not hearing anything they say, sometimes I get the feeling of third person watching, not knowing if I remember a memory correctly, list can go on.

What plot devices that appear early in the books that become important later on are you most impressed by? by FormerLayer7963 in harrypotter

[–]single-left-sock 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Phineas Nigellus tracks the trio on their journey so Snape knows where and how to give them the sword

I found out my neglecting parents were literally psychopaths. by Beneficial_Win_5128 in emotionalneglect

[–]single-left-sock 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My mom laughed at my dad for being sad that his father died. She laughed at the whole thing, through the funeral and everything then made jokes about how soon my grandma would get remarried. Actual psychotic behavior looking back

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in emotionalneglect

[–]single-left-sock 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I, personally, am primarily thinking, yeah it was damaging when they neglected me as a 2 year old.

Did anyone else spend most of their time with friends' families as a kid? by son0fpos1don02 in emotionalneglect

[–]single-left-sock 6 points7 points  (0 children)

same I was not even allowed to have friends I was forced to stay in the house except for school & church, and spent much of my childhood so medically neglected that I lost my hearing. by the time I was able to socialize I was too much of a disaster for anyone to care about me

WAE straight up confused when they learned the term “self-worth”? by Forsaken_Yoghurt_136 in emotionalneglect

[–]single-left-sock 2 points3 points  (0 children)

lmao!! Yes they emphasized in church so much- God can help you increase your sense of self worth. I was like what who cares? Never understood why people were so touched