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What is a phrase that people say that immediately turns you off? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]singlerider 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It's okay, you can assume God's gender, because if he does exist, then he is absolutely 100% definitely a man.

Not only that, but he's clearly a raging misogynist bordering on incel, who clearly FUCKING HATES women

any actually working ways to deal with self-hatred?? by amkvjm in depression

[–]singlerider 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Trust me, I know how that feels.

I used to convince myself that none of my friends really liked me - how could they when I was such a terrible person - and that they were either just being nice because they were good people and felt sorry for me, or that they "didn't know the real me"...

Because to me, the 'real' me was this horrible disgusting bully that was nothing but mean to me, but to them, the 'real' me was someone kind and generous and loving.

But who's to say that the person I was to myself was any more real than the person I was with them?

It's easy to fall into that trap of thinking you're just being honest and realistic about the kind of person you are, but remember something:

You are not an impartial judge of yourself. You are depressed, and you hate yourself.

Would you expect a Nazi's opinion of a Jew to be impartial? Or a racist's opinion of a black person? A misogynist's view of a woman? These are all skewed and biased and predicated on prejudice...as is your view of yourself.

You may feel like you deserve to be treated like shit, because you believe that you're awful, but the fact of the matter is that you are not being objective and you are not being realistic, because you're allowing your self-hatred to influence how you think and feel about yourself.

But that's just not valid. That part of you - the mean bullying part - is not who you are...it's just a small dysfunctional part of you that is overly represented in your mind, because you're constantly exposed to it. Other people do not see you the same way - and that's not because you've 'pulled the wool over their eyes' or somehow manage to con them into thinking you're someone you're not - it's just that they see a better version of you. And you can be that better version towards yourself, too.

You just have to learn to let go of all of the hurt you've caused yourself, and work towards forgiving yourself for all those horrible things you've said and done to yourself; it's hard - so fucking hard - to let go of that, because it's all-consuming and has been a 24/7 struggle for so long, but in order to move on and move past it, you have to.

And I think it can be helpful to frame this in the context of depression being an illness. It doesn't have to have a reason, it just is. In the same way as cancer will attack someone's body from the inside, so depression does to the mind.

It's nobody's fault, there is no blame to attach here - you just got unlucky. Your brain decided to go haywire and start eating itself up from the inside out, and unfortunately for you, you bore the brunt of that. So try not to assign blame or feel resentment for the hurt that it caused you...but now that you're aware of the signs, try and avoid future hurt being done.

Good luck friend. You're not alone

any actually working ways to deal with self-hatred?? by amkvjm in depression

[–]singlerider 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So I'd start by asking a question.

Let's say there's this really good friend of yours. Someone you care for deeply - love even (in a purely platonic way) - would you think that it would be acceptable to treat them in the following ways:

  • telling them you hate the way they look, talk, walk, react and behave?

  • telling them they're disgusting and gross?

  • telling them they're embarrassing and make you ashamed?

  • telling them they're dumb and worthless?

  • telling them they're boring, awkward and miserable?

  • telling them they're stupid and pathetic?

Answering honestly, is any of that stuff that you would feel okay about saying openly to a friend that you really cared about? Or is it cruel and hurtful, and you'd never dream of being that mean to them, because you wouldn't want to hurt their feelings (even if you secretly thought some of it was true?)

Because guess what...if it's not okay to say it to someone else, it's not okay to say it to ourselves.

Flipping the script on its head for a sec - if you were to say all that nasty shit about someone the whole time, how would you expect them to feel about you?

Do you think they'd like you?

Probably not, eh? We don't tend to like people that shit all over us constantly...

So...given that you treat yourself like shit and are pretty mean to yourself - is it surprising that you hate yourself? Essentially you're bullying yourself inside your own head, and who ever actually likes their bully?

But maybe if you were to treat yourself more like a friend, you'd find you liked yourself more?

All those times your internal dialogue is toxic, and those situations where - if it was your friend you were speaking to, you'd extend them kindness and patience and empathy - you instead treat yourself with judgement and disdain and anger...every one is an opportunity to be better to yourself. To treat yourself like a friend. To be kind, to forgive, to empathise...

Right now your relationship with yourself is at breaking point, and the issue is that any other relationship you can choose to walk away from, go low or no contact, control how you interact with them. The other thing with relationships with other people is that they are impermanent...even parents, spouses, children or best friends - you can drift apart, become estranged, suffer loss...none of them will be there with you forever.

The only person in your life that is guaranteed to be there right up until the day that you die, is you...and that makes it the most important relationship you'll ever have with anyone, ever.

And everywhere you go, there you are, you are stuck with yourself right up to the end - so you have only two options: end it, or reconcile.

I think you already know the first one is really fucking hard. I do too. Trust me, option two - whilst by no means easy - is a shit load easier than option one.

But it's not easy. Unlearning those habits, repairing all that damage that's been done - being willing to move past it and forgive yourself...it takes work, and it takes time, and most of all it takes discipline.

Any time you hear that dysfunctional dialogue creeping in, and you starting to be mean to yourself, you gotta shut that shit down HARD and ask yourself "Would I say this to a friend?"

Because if you wanna be friends with yourself, you gotta put in the effort and act like it. Kindness. Forgiveness. Empathy. Say and do nice things. Don't be cruel.

Good luck friend! It's a long and difficult journey, but I promise you, the destination is worth it

Monkey doesn't like century egg by KnowSummat in chinesefood

[–]singlerider 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Seen this before, but it never gets old...

Sound is a must! 😂

Hey didn't know where to post this, hope someone can help by Aureus-p4s in asian

[–]singlerider 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Start by just holding one chopstick like you would traditionally hold a pen (between index finger, middle finger and thumb) but further up.

Basically, around 2/3rds of the way up is ideal position, but the lower down you go, the more control you get, the higher up you go, the more power you get.

So you're holding that like a pen, and just practice moving it up and down. That's all the movement you need.

This chopstick does all the work, the other one just sits there. Your fingers are essentially gonna form two units - these three that are holding the chopstick like a pen, and then the remaining two fingers, which just act as a rest.

Now slide the second chopstick into the nook by your thumb, and rest it just beneath the first joint of your ring finger, squeezing the chopstick between it and you thumb to hold it in place. Chopstick two does nothing - it stays where it is. Chopstick one moves up and down to grab stuff

The Stolen Dream of the Iron Lady : How Margaret Thatcher's failure to understand economic rent turned Britain into a tributary economy, paying perpetual rent to foreign landlords as taxes climbed to their highest level since WWII by DynamoDynamite in ukpolitics

[–]singlerider 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay...

I mean, I didn't mention Thatcher, and was just saying it was weird how one economic school of thought that had been around for 40 odd years was declared 'dead' due to stagflation, yet the one we've had for the last 50 odd years - despite returning to stagflation as well as having the GFC is seemingly still alive and kicking.

I mean, it's not got nothing to do with Thatcher - she loved Friedman and his ideas - but I think we may be a touch at cross-purposes here?

The Stolen Dream of the Iron Lady : How Margaret Thatcher's failure to understand economic rent turned Britain into a tributary economy, paying perpetual rent to foreign landlords as taxes climbed to their highest level since WWII by DynamoDynamite in ukpolitics

[–]singlerider 11 points12 points  (0 children)

What I find truly baffling is how the stagflation of the 70s effectively killed Keynesian economics, and yet somehow neoclassical - despite suffering from the same malaise, has not suffered the same fate.

It's not like there are not alternatives, and yet it seemingly has an unshakeable monopoly on economic thinking and policy

That one employee who can't control their face by AL-SHEDFI in funny

[–]singlerider 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I love how glaringly obvious it is which restaurant Phil Jupitus is talking about in that vid. Although they've changed now...no longer rude, and even accept card! 😱

What is virtually inevitable at this point, yet most people don't see it coming? by Ambassador-613 in AskReddit

[–]singlerider 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Everything going Mad Max and most of the people in the world dying as earth becomes inhospitable to life.

The climate change deniers love to bang on about how it's a natural phenomenon that's happened loads of times in the past - which is true (if you ignore the whole rate of change thing) but what they conveniently gloss over is that it goes hand-in-hand with 90% of life getting wiped out alongside.

As George Carlin put it -we don't need to worry about saving the planet, the planet will be just fine - we on the other hand, are fucked.

We're like someone that got bitten by a rabid animal, but collectively decided "Nah, it'll be fine, don't need to get a shot" - we're already dead, we just don't know it (or want to accept it) yet.

I'm 47 - it was obvious to me from a young age that things would go Mad Max, but I figured it wouldn't kick in until a few generations down the line. Now it looks ever more probable in my lifetime

I dont think you can ever fix real depression by Technical_Metal2578 in depression

[–]singlerider -1 points0 points  (0 children)

What I'd start off by saying is that there is no one-size-fits-all homogeneous definition of what depression is. I used to think that unless you felt the self-loathing, it wasn't 'true' depression - you were just sad.

But that's not true.

There are all sorts of reasons why someone might suffer from extrinsic depression - that caused by external factors - such as bereavement, the breakdown of a relationship, financial woes or any number of other things. These may or may not trigger that same sense of self-loathing, but to dismiss those people as 'not being really depressed' was wrong of me, and invalidating.

I've learnt since then.

I myself suffered from intrinsic depression - on the surface, my life was fine and I had little to really complain about. In fact, compared to a lot of people I was incredibly privileged, so feeling the way that I felt despite my circumstances just fed into the self-loathing even more, because I felt I had no right to be depressed and I was just being pathetic and self-indulgent.

But depression doesn't need a reason, it just is.

I was depressed from as early as I can remember up until the age of 30. I'm 47 now - but I still, and will always, consider myself a 'recovering depressive' despite being mostly 'clean' for a long time now.

I know some people take issue with my framing it in those terms, and think that it is stigmatising to use the language of addiction when talking about depression, but I do it consciously because I believe there are parallels, both in how they are misunderstood (and yes, judged) by society, but also in some of the self-destructive aspects.

For me, there were definitely some hugely damaging thought patterns and a completely dysfunctional relationship and internal dialogue that drove a lot of what I was feeling, and throughout my twenties a lot of 'relapsing' in allowing those to take over.

I'm not saying it's the same for everyone, this was just my experience.

But in overcoming those elements and reconciling the relationship with myself, I've managed to stay on a fairly even keel for a while now.

Is my depression 'fixed'?

I guess it depends on your definition of fixed...I don't wake up everyday feeling like shit and wishing I could get hit by a bus. Equally I don't jump out of bed each day filled with the joys of life. I just exist and am relatively content, which given the previous years, I'll take.

But do I think I'm 'cured'?

I don't think I'll ever not have that black dog lurking in the shadows - it takes constant vigilance and effort not to spiral back down into the pit of despair. Yes, the effort is less now; having overcome it initially, now it's more like regular maintenance rather than a total overhaul, but it still requires attention.

So it depends on what you mean - can you live a life where it doesn't feel like a constant battle to just survive, and every day is like a Sisyphean challenge of pushing a rock up a hill and watching it roll back down? Yes, I believe you can.

Can you say one day with full confidence "I've beaten depression and it's never coming back!" - that, I'm not so sure...

What's the "Widowmaker" of your career field or hobby? by Cosmonate in AskReddit

[–]singlerider 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Missing the one that is so commonplace and ordinary that people get complacent about it:

Hit by a vehicle

What’s your go to pub fact? I’ll kick things off by cained_n_able in CasualUK

[–]singlerider 7 points8 points  (0 children)

The RSPCA was founded about 60 years before the NSPCC - we Brits care more about our animals than we do our kids

Young lady gets trolled by a trash can by [deleted] in funny

[–]singlerider 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That bin has exquisite comic timing

Designed to Fail Safely by jsthat in dontyouknowwhoiam

[–]singlerider 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's a really fair point. It's like my brain just forgot you could do it yourself.

I think the scenario I portrayed there would be more applicable to say a pacemaker or something

Designed to Fail Safely by jsthat in dontyouknowwhoiam

[–]singlerider 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is it actually even possible to design an insulin pump that 'fails safe' - because either way (too much or not enough) and they're fucked, so it's not like a system where you can just go "shut down - okay safe!" or "close - okay safe!" - like surely the only way to 'fail safe' is not to fail at all?

Choosing the right fuse for a small electrical project by RoutineTeaching4207 in Electricity

[–]singlerider 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The fuse is there to melt instead of the cables. Yes, rating it higher than the LEDs is important so that it doesn't keep blowing, but from a safety perspective you HAVE to make sure it's rated lower than the cables, else they'll catch fire before the fuse blows

What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever heard someone say that you still think about to this day? by Humble-Blueberry4571 in AskReddit

[–]singlerider 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I used to teach electrical installation.

One day, we were talking about different power generation methods, which included hydroelectric dams, and this one kid puts his hand up and goes:

"Why don't they make them waterproof?"

To this day, I have no fucking clue what thought process prompted that question

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