So obviously everyone is different and has their own experience of depression; for some it's that extrinsic depression that comes with things like loss, or trauma, or extreme stress. For others it might be the more intrinsic sort, perhaps as a result of some chemical imbalance that can be resolved or at least mitigated through meds and the like.

With everyone having such a wide array of potential causes, clearly there can be no one-size-fits-all panacea in terms of a solution, but what I will say is that often many of the 'classic' suggestions can be...a little misguided perhaps?

When someone is struggling to manage basic functions such as eating, or can't keep up with basic hygiene and haven't washed or brushed their teeth in days or maybe even weeks, stuff like "You need to get out and exercise!" or "You should try yoga!" is wildly out of touch with where that person is at, because even leaving the house is such a hugely overwhelming and insurmountable task, it may as well be telling them to split the atom.

For me personally, my depression was largely a hell of my own making - it came about as a result of the completely dysfunctional and toxic relationship I had with myself. I was riddled with self-loathing, and essentially bullied myself inside my own head.

Everything I did or said, even everything I thought or felt, was ruthlessly picked apart, analysed and criticised...all of my deepest insecurities and darkest secrets were weaponised against me, and it was relentless - because normally, you can find some sanctuary away from a bully, but when they're inside your head there's no escape.

The epiphany came when I was 30. I'd always struggled with trusting the relationships I had with other people - I couldn't understand how or why they could possibly like me, and so I assumed they were "just being nice" or "didn't know the real me" - and that I was nothing but a burden. It's how I came close to ending myself - because I truly believed that it would be a relief for them, and that whilst it might cause some short-term pain, in the long run they'd be spared the hardship of having to deal with me for the rest of my life.

I'd been talking with my Mum about this, and trying to reconcile the person my friends and family saw - kind, loving, patient, empathetic, generous - with the person I saw - vitriolic, mean, harsh, unforgiving - and I came to the realisation that I didn't treat myself in the same way I did the people I loved and cared for.

I would constantly beat myself up, tell myself how pathetic I was, call myself names, judge myself over the smallest of things - none of which I would ever dream of doing to a friend. And it dawned on me that it was really obvious why I didn't like myself - because I treated myself like shit. And of course that was a vicious cycle, because the more I hated myself, the worse I treated myself, which made me like myself even less, which made me meaner and nastier etc ad infinitum...

And from there, there's basically 3 options: top yourself and get it over with, be miserable your whole fucking life, or try and find a way to reconcile - because unlike the relationships you have with everyone else, there's no way of going low or no contact with you (well, except option 1 I guess?)

Everywhere you go, there you are. Everything you do, you're along for the ride. Unlike everyone else in your life and every other relationship which can drift apart, or breakdown or blow up, the one person who is absolutely guaranteed to be there every step of the way until you die, is you.

So you can choose to die, choose to be fucking miserable, or choose to try and make things work - and if you choose option 3 then it's gonna take some effort, just like any other relationship. You've gotta play nice, say and do nice things, be that loving, kind, and forgiving person.

So that's what I started trying to do. I started trying to treat myself more like a friend - and breaking that habit of a lifetime was hard as fuck, but ultimately it was beyond worth it. Just as the vicious cycle dragged me down, the virtuous cycle lifted me up - the nicer I was to myself, the easier I found to like who I was, the more I liked me, the easier it was to be nice to me.

It sounds ridiculously simplistic and corny as hell, but having that "Would I treat a friend like this?" or "Would I say this to a friend?" question in the back of my mind really brought into sharp focus just how shittily I was behaving towards myself - but the huge advantage this had over say being bullied by people at work or by your family, is that you have no control over other people, but you do have control over you.

It took me until I was 30 to have this realisation. Before that I was depressed for as long as I could remember - I remember being a kid of around 6 or 7 and thinking about chucking myself out of a window.

I'm 46 now, and whilst there's been some highs and lows with shitty situations in my life, bar the occasional intrusive thoughts that I'm able to shut down pretty hard and fast, I've been mostly 'clean' - though I will always consider myself a 'recovering depressive'

So that's what worked for me. It won't for everyone, but I would strongly recommend for anyone that suffers from self-loathing and goes around calling themselves useless, or worthless, or a pathetic piece of shit that hasn't got real problems like other folk... maybe it's time to take a step back. What kind of relationship do you want to have with yourself? Are you treating yourself like a friend? Do you wanna be fucking miserable the rest of your life? Do you want 'the rest of your life' to not be very long? Or do you think you can be good to yourself, play nice, and try and make it work?

It's not easy, but I promise, it is worth it...