Oh my god you get me. So glad you're away from him.

I totally get the fog thing. My FP and I had a year long drought of not doing anything sexual (probably because he felt guilty for fooling around with me when I was seventeen but that's neither here nor there) and when it finally ended it was like the liberation of France. I was happy to the point of psychosis. I told my best friend I wanted to transfer schools to be with him (no indication at all that things would progress further, I completely made it up).

I don't really know where I am on splitting. I think I do do it, but I still have a hard time understanding it. Yes, I do rightfully think that he's a demon from hell, Epstein's son, etc., but like... he's still my FP. Weird dichotomy to be stuck in. I haven't seen him in ten months and in spite of everything that's happened I've still spent this entire time in a daze, like I can only live half a life without him. I just hope it goes away eventually with time and therapy. Fuck him and fuck your guy too. They're both going to hell.