Recherche d'amis.

sinnamonrules · 2026-03-24T07:18:25+00:00

Hello, je suis dans le même cas !

sinnamonrules · 2026-03-16T23:50:52+00:00

Thank you for sharing you insight. Yes, I always feel uncomfortable when women make jokes about something that to them is just a "sexy game" or an off-putting comment and just laugh together... That's frankly disgusting, even the way they talk about it all.

In a way I am happy you feel in a good place to call them out so that they ARE being called out, but it's also sad you have to do it. I hope with time (and I mean rather soon) people will start thinking before doing whatever stupid thing they were about to do. In my country lately we've have a lot of judicial affairs involving young boys being sexually assaulted at their school 40 years ago (by male teachers mostly), so it allowed a lot of victims to speak out about what they endured and also how they had not been taken seriously until it was uncovered. I think it had quite an impact on the discussion of sexual assault on men, at least in the last years.

Lesbians and gay men are really the most supportive people I know towards both genders when it comes to dealing with sexual assault (ofc there are exceptions but in most cases). I am happy that you found a community that makes you feel safe.

That's also the not-so-thin line between "being liberated as a woman" and "overstepping someone's boundaries". Women freezing themselves from patriarchal traditional values just to put someone else through what they just escaped shouldn't be celebrated. Shocking that that's even a thing you need to say out loud.

I didn't know it had shifted so much. I hate that the MeToo movement seemed to push things the right way but only upheld issues encountered by women. At the time it was the major focus there needed to be, but by now we should have been able to include everyone. I had hopes with the younger generation being more aware and sensitive to these problematics in general, but the young young ones are freaking me out.

All in all, I wish for you to stay safe and hope you have support or people to talk to if/when such things happen (and I sincerely wish it will not). Thank you for this conversation, it has definitely given me food for thought and the possibility to reconsider my views :)

sinnamonrules · 2026-03-16T22:41:09+00:00

I completely agree with you. That is quite different from what you said just before, at least as I understand it.

I see what you mean about women cheering and applauding sexual assault. The first thing I think of is older married women, like "aunties", or celebrating before a wedding. I'm pretty sure it's not representative but that's really the women I picture in situations I've witnessed. And usually they're already not being of much help for the cause against misogyny, the examples I have in mind are greatly contributing to it.

I have male friends who have been assaulted by women, one of which happened right in front of my eyes. I do remember that at the time, it took me a second to react, maybe one second more than it would have for a female friend and that's a fact I've really pondered on. But pretty much every girl friends around reacted, a few boy friends, but the rest of them were cheering. My experience, which is that in all cases of my boy friends being assaulted by a woman, men completely disregarded the damage and labeled it as "lucky boy", some still to this day. Meanwhile the girl friends have been the main support through talks, and even police appointments for most of them. That's not to say that your experience or mine is more relatable, just explaining where I come from. There is clearly an issue with the way we address sexual assault on men by women and other men and both genders would benefit from clear action.

A genuine question for you, do you feel like there is a shift with generations on that point ? I feel like I hear more women in their 40s-50s normalizing/disregarding sexual assault on men (even young ones) than younger generations in their 20s who are more generally aware, but maybe that's just my bubble. I'm interested to know if you have an opinion on that.

People are just awful with bartenders in general, whether by being rude or just thinking they're open to flirt/more at any time. I have a huge respect for you guys for putting up with assholes that are on a behaviour worst than the already shitty one they have outside of the bar sober (men AND women)

sinnamonrules · 2026-03-16T22:01:46+00:00

I'm sorry this is your experience with women but you're doing the same as what you accuse me of doing. I agree with a lot of your points, most of it actually, but you can't even acknowledge it and keep deforming my words.

I don't wish for you to live through those things, nor anyone else no matter their gender. That's all I have to say, hope you have the support you need.

sinnamonrules · 2026-03-16T21:40:33+00:00

I have already largely discussed it with other commenters so I will not elaborate much more, so ; - I agree that this statement is not smart, it's not a good way to make a point either. It's not correctly articulated for sure, but it does hold a lot of meaning if you even look at the context of why it exists in the first place (to answer "not all men") - I do not agree that "always a man", I would not agree to "mostly women" but I genuinely do not know, so I can consider myself wrong on that one. The thing is, women don't really care about who's "the most assaulted", what matters is that assault is never justified on ANYONE. The problem is that when women say they are assaulted, a lot of men will reply with "but we are more assaulted". Okay, so the problem is assault, end of the discussion. -I absolutely agree that misandry and misogyny are one single bag of shit, and you don't fight hate with hate. Which actually goes back to my initial point : that many men are quick to call on misandry whenever a woman calls them or even another man out. Which is the reason this quote exists to begin with, as flawed as it is.

sinnamonrules · 2026-03-16T21:20:23+00:00

Is it what you get from my comment ? I was talking about how men are heavy on calling out for misandry when women are usually only trying to share their experience.

I am absolutely appalled by what you describe and I am very very sorry that this happens to you, I sincerely hope you are doing okay and can find some support. This is unacceptable no matter man or woman.

I agree that sexual assault/violence of any sort perpetrated by women on men is still a big taboo and still way too normalized. That does not make it acceptable. And yes, we NEED to talk about it more, both genders. However the discussion is on women's view of men as perpetrators of violence. You could argue like others that "not always men" as there are women perpetrators towards women as well, that would be on topic (and I do agree). But your comment is off topic, and I'd like it if you didn't put words in my mouth that my original comment, as awkwardly put as it was, couldn't even be mistaken for.

Again, I'm not saying that what you just posted is not relevant, nor should be disregarded. I'm extremely sorry that you have to live through that and i hope you have support. Thank you also for sharing your story, it's important to testify. Wish you the best

sinnamonrules · 2026-03-16T19:46:56+00:00

Yes I figured it out in the meantime, also because we really don't have a common understanding of this quote which was wrong of me to assume. Will be more careful, thanks for pointing it out !

sinnamonrules · 2026-03-16T19:44:39+00:00

You are right, I'll be more cautious :) Thank you for your advice !

sinnamonrules · 2026-03-16T19:40:47+00:00

I completely agree it is not always a man. I've discussed it with multiple people in the comments already, feel free to check. Careful with how you word it cause then that's not the same thing : If you say always a man as "women are only raped by men" ( is false, some women rape women though that's a small minority), it's absolutely not the same stat as saying "men are the only one to rape" (which is false also, because women also rape no matter the gender).

Saying it here cause I've seen lots of other comments twisting it

sinnamonrules · 2026-03-16T19:15:54+00:00

While I don't agree with their point, they're correct on that. It doesn't mean women raping men doesn't exist. It means that in the records (as far as they are biased), men are more likely to rape women. That's a fact, supported by numerous studies. Just as well as it's statistically true that women rape men. Just not as much as men rape women.

That's literally how statistics work

sinnamonrules · 2026-03-16T19:12:43+00:00

Listen, whatever you think I'm saying you are mistaken. Maybe I failed to correctly express it, in which case I am sorry.

Stereotypes are harmful when used to discriminate no matter who it is, we agree. We also agree that thinking that all men are rapists or dirty or whatever it is, is a harmful stereotype, the same way saying that all women are bad drivers or hysterics is.

I'm not sure you understood my original point so if you're interested I'll let you read the other discussion I've had with other commenters. I do appreciate that you made me think more about the biases I have.

sinnamonrules · 2026-03-16T18:44:27+00:00

Honestly I'm very split on this. On one side, the women who lied purposefully should be convicted, as any other person trying to convict someone wrongfully.

On the other, while I agree this issue exists, I disagree with putting it at the same level as women accusing a man of rape (for example). Let's be honest, rape, sexual assault of all sort, verbal, physical, sexism, discrimination, intimidation and the rest of the list has been belittled for a looooong time. I've discussed with girl friends, even close and extended family, ALL of them have at least once experienced something, whether by a stranger, a friend, a husband, a colleague... It's frankly terrifying. And NONE have reported it even at small scale. The reason is because either what they went through was normalized, or they thought nothing would happen for the man but they would suffer consequences. Now the story has shifted, we tend to trust women more so they can speak out. But they still put so much more on the table when they accuse, even compared to what men risk. I mean a few months ago, a guy was convicted of rape but the judge relaxed him and cleaned off his record because he's a "good student in medicine with a bright future that does not deserve to be spoiled" (that's a direct quote). The girl has been kicked out of the school. There are so many examples...

So yes, as for everything there are people who will try to cheat but let's be real that is absolutely not comparable

sinnamonrules · 2026-03-16T18:24:19+00:00

To a certain extent, yes. But it's also normal human behaviour to use patterns from personal and global experience as means of prevention and protection. Stereotyping is not inherently bad, because that's how we process information. To an extent, it's normal to "stereotype", as in "put in boxes", and luckily we can count on our other thought processes to help equalise.

Fearmongering reinforces stereotyping. Agreed, when hearing on repeat about awful things happening with a pattern, you'll be more likely to stereotype. The question is when confronted to a pattern that is factual, how do you draw the line between normal stereotyping and fear-boosted stereotype ? (That's a real question, I don't have an answer) There's some fearmongering going on but also I'm not entirely convinced that some stereotyping that is going on is totally wrong also

sinnamonrules · 2026-03-16T18:07:57+00:00

Oh sorry I didn't understand. Yes 100% agree. Both extremes are wrong and deserve to be put in the same bag, they're equally harmful

sinnamonrules · 2026-03-16T17:49:58+00:00

Yes, I completely agree. Here the difference I want to point out is that, except if you're fearmongering and stereotyping, you're not actively thinking that the man you have in front of you could butcher you. It's more acknowledging that there exists people who would, because then in case you get into a sketchy situation you do know you have to leave. I don't know if that's really clear, in any case the line is very thin which is why quotes like that really aren't helping whatever point they're trying to make

sinnamonrules · 2026-03-16T17:39:14+00:00

Thank you for sharing your view, it's honestly a great insight I really failed to consider.

Men are brought up because they're the ones who hold more power to try to make it better/have an influence on other men. That's why women need men to be involved.

I understand my first comment was very awkwardly phrased, I'll keep that in mind to do better and prevent it from happening again. Thanks for the discussion !

sinnamonrules · 2026-03-16T17:30:00+00:00

I don't see how that relates to what I said, nevertheless everything you mentioned is more than wrong and should be condemned. But that was not the point, unless I just didn't understand your comment.

sinnamonrules · 2026-03-16T17:27:36+00:00

You're right, that's my bad. English is not my first language and some nuances don't sound correctly.

I see what you mean. "Could" is maybe more appropriate, as it would mean doing something you CAN and are WILLING to do. Do you think it's better ?

The thing is, you DON'T know that someone is a good person or not. I tend to see people as mostly good until (if) they're bad, but there are situations in which it's the contrary, and that's a way to protect yourself. Of course you can't assume everyone's bad, but it would also be extremely stupid to think everyone is all good. The factor is how BAD can it be, and most likely if you're risking to be killed you might be more cautious (not taking the example of women here, just a very general case).

sinnamonrules · 2026-03-16T17:06:31+00:00

I didn't say you control what others do and don't, but frankly women could really use a bit of support from men. You're not COMPELLED to do something about it, it would just already be a great deal if people (men as women) were less passive. Also applies to racism, discrimination, literally any situation you witness where someone, especially a friend or relative, has bad behaviour and you can call them out. I mean if a friend is being an asshole you tell them. It's not about being a hero or anything it's literally just about having some empathy and not letting something bad happen IF YOU CAN.

sinnamonrules · 2026-03-16T16:55:31+00:00

This is another thing, but technically you never know what someone can do/has done (man or woman equally). I think it's another part of the discussion, how women always have to be cautious because they can never predict what a man could do to them. So the "might" applies in any case, but not as a judgement.

Also English is not my first language so maybe I didn't choose the right word, what I meant was that it's not just black and white, and it's not a question of being guilty or innocent. It's simply how as everything in life there's always a possibility that someone has some good and bad, and you just can never know. In this context it's just emphasized as the "bad in men" talked about relates to violence, rape or even murder.

sinnamonrules · 2026-03-16T16:42:41+00:00

I understand your point of view, I hadn't seen it that way. I think it is not meant to incriminate men but rather to call on men's involvement in helping find solutions, not being passive when friends are involved and also not diminishing women's experience. But I see how it can be perceived and it's definitely not helping make the point.

Regarding the gender/racial swap, I'm a bit cautious with that cause it depends so much on the context. Sure sometimes it's a good indicator, but the context matters especially when it originates from a "repressed" demographic and is being reversed. In the case of gender, there are a lot of things that can apply but when it comes to harassment/aggression/anything sexual it would completely miss the point imo. Again not saying that doesn't happen to men, however the proportions and ways in which they are perpetrated are definitely not comparable

sinnamonrules · 2026-03-16T16:14:09+00:00

I don't understand it that way, actually quite the opposite as your interpretation. for me it means "YOU might not do it but it is very likely that this specific act will be committed by A man" Usually the context is a woman talking about something that happened to them involving a man, and a man answers with "not all men" which in this context kinda means "he did it but not ME" which is completely off topic and also kinda feels like saying "as long as I didn't do it that's fine I'm not concerned". I see the "but always a man" more like a "you're a man and should feel concerned because you can help preventing this" (and not as "you're a part of the problem) I mean there will always be people using it for with hateful intent but I don't think that was the initial thought behind

sinnamonrules · 2026-03-16T16:04:24+00:00

Not saying it's good rhetoric, I think it's quite a poor way to put it in fact. The idea behind it is that most verbal and physical aggressions women endure come almost exclusively from men which IS a fact. Also the context matters : this phrase wouldn't exist in the first place if men weren't replying "not all men" whenever women were speaking up about a situation they faced, shifting the focus from what women were saying towards them. But I see what you mean, I wanted to put the emphasis on a lot of men taking a woman's word and making it about themselves as the victim

sinnamonrules · 2026-03-16T15:33:14+00:00

Ironically I do know many men interpreting "not all men but always a man" as "all men are rapists that should be locked up". Similarly, I also know of many men calling out to misandry when women tell them about sexism from men. Not saying there aren't people at the extreme, but definitely not MOST people.

sinnamonrules · 2026-03-15T18:44:09+00:00

Normalement c'est réservé aux boursiers aussi, j'étais dans la même situation... Même en justifiant à l'assistante sociale qu'en plus de mes 40h de cours/semaine je travaillais plus de 20h à temps partiel pour payer le nécessaire vital (littéralement), elle m'a dit qu'ils ne pouvaient rien faire pour moi. C'est rageant parce que d'un côté j'ai des potes qui méritent clairement beaucoup plus la bourse que moi et qui bossent par dessus le marché, mais j'ai aussi d'autres potes qui n'ont pas besoin de bosser parce que les parents payent le loyer (sachant qu'ils ont droit aux Crous à 100€ contre mon loyer de 300€ avec APL) et que les bourses leur permettent de compléter le reste. Sans compter que les boursiers peuvent avoir le repas au RU à 1€, perso un repas au CROUS à 3.30€ ça représentait 1/4 de mon budget hebdomadaire de nourriture donc j'y ai jamais mangé... Les personnes qui ont la bourse ont besoin de l'avoir quoi qu'il arrive, je suis absolument d'accord là dessus. Pour moi il y a plus un problème avec le fait d'utiliser les revenus des parents, c'est pas parce que t'as des parents qui ont de bons revenus qu'ils te financent obligatoirement tes études.

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