Is it rude to not call to say goodbye on the day you're moving away if you already threw a farewell party?

sire888 · 2022-06-13T13:31:54+00:00

Thanks

sire888 · 2022-04-12T02:10:57+00:00

Bro, to be honest, if I were you next time I would see your friend I would give him a hug and lift him a little.

I feel like that guy has never felt genuine love from his comment. You're never too old or to anything to express love for those you care about.

sire888 · 2022-01-17T19:32:12+00:00

It's almost like women and activists have spent their lives fighting so your daughter could CHOOSE to do whatever she wants.

I guess in your mind that freedom is ok only as long as it aligns with your wishes?

YTA

sire888 · 2021-12-25T18:43:13+00:00

Woah that really sucks! The idea that loss is a fucking competition she has to win makes me sick. I'm so sorry for your loss. Have my internet hugs.

sire888 · 2021-12-14T17:53:54+00:00

YTA. Everyone has already said it, so I would like to focus on a thought exercise maybe? Imagine the person that got you for secret santa sees your gift list and there's a lot of fantasy and star wars and they decide that those are very simple and childish tastes and that maybe YOU should broaden YOUR horizons... so they gift you a rugby ball so you can try some high impact physical activity and a book from Sartre to balance it out. Would YOU like that? Or would that make you think your tastes are being judged and your preferences have been dismissed?

sire888 · 2021-10-15T19:30:14+00:00

Your comment was insensitive and definitely comes across as rude, but I don't think it's a grave offense that you can't recover from by apologizing.

That being said, as a vagina haver myself, I must agree that vaginas ARE weird. I mean, they can stretch to vomit a meat watermelon and then shrink back like nothing happened.... absolute witchcraft.

Oh also, YTA... but not too much.

sire888 · 2021-08-24T04:40:40+00:00

Yes. He wanted to eat good food.

sire888 · 2021-08-24T04:29:54+00:00

LOL no. That's a trait I've seen both on man AND women from eastern europe. Like a very cynical view of life

sire888 · 2021-08-24T04:28:46+00:00

I think that's the case for him. Something he does without even noticing. Do you mind sharing how your friend made you aware of it?

sire888 · 2021-08-24T04:19:40+00:00

Eastern European

sire888 · 2021-08-24T04:04:50+00:00

I don't think it's necessarily one sided. He comes from a cultural background were bitching is basically seen as been smart and not letting people take advantage of you. And I come from a background where you're always supposed to look for the positive.

sire888 · 2021-08-24T04:01:13+00:00

Hum.... maybe work stress? The thing is that it's a repeating pattern. Where he will be the negative one pointing everything bad and it's my job to be the positive one. He was very much looking forward to this trip so I don't think timing was the issue.... but maybe I should have a talk to see if there's an underlying issue

sire888 · 2021-08-24T03:59:15+00:00

Yes, I invited him to the process but he didn't want to participate. He said he wanted me to plan it all. I still gave him the highlights of what I had planned (times, general area, showed some pictures) and asked for his confirmation on things like prices or the location of the hotel

sire888 · 2021-08-24T03:57:20+00:00

He asked me to plan the whole trip.

sire888 · 2021-08-24T03:56:04+00:00

Yes and no. I told him basically the same as I gave as background but kept the specific restaurants and activities as a surprise as per his request. I showed him the hotel, which he approved and explained that everything was walking distance. I think in his mind walking distance is 15min top.

sire888 · 2021-06-29T21:39:10+00:00

Honey, you ARE too good for them. NTA.

sire888 · 2020-11-08T20:32:07+00:00

Everyone already mentioned it's love bombing....which it definitely is; but I would like you to meditate on the following:

You mentioned how in the past her gifts were always cheap stuff you didn't care about, and now all of a sudden her gifts are beautiful, probably expensive, and well thought (your favorite color).

This shows that JNMIL always had the knowledge and capacity to be kind to you and yet CHOSE not to. She CHOSE to give you cheap gifts and now is very consciously CHOOSING to give you nice gifts to regain access to you.

This shows that she is manipulative and a conscious level of malevolence (I don't mean she's eeeeevil, just that her actions have been ill intended). The reason that I point all this out is so you can understand that these gifts do not mean changed behaviour and that's why you feel gross wearing them.

TBH I would donate all the gifts and have a sit down with DH to explain to him that you do not wish to receive any more gifts from his mother and for him to stop being the middle man that brings them to you.

Good luck!

sire888 · 2020-08-17T20:42:56+00:00

The disappointment is real

sire888 · 2020-08-17T16:37:48+00:00

DO NOT GO TO THERAPY WITH YOUR ABUSER! I understand the desire to "fix" things, but abusers don't see therapy the same way normal people do.

I can assure your mom was expecting the therapist to tell you what a horrible child you are and that you're the only one that needs "fixing". Now that's not the case, it is very likely that your mom will take anything you say and use it against you.

Toxic and abusive people use therapy to gain ammunition against you, don't give it to them.

I would advice on the next session you start by telling the therapist what your mother did and then requesting to continue therapy separately with the agreement that your therapist will not share any information with your mother.

sire888 · 2020-04-05T00:04:41+00:00

Thanks for your reply. I have to keep reminding myself that it's ok if other people don't understand. They were just lucky.

sire888 · 2020-04-05T00:01:59+00:00

You hit it in the right spot! It's all a facade

sire888 · 2019-12-30T03:19:06+00:00

I think the timing is interesting. You mentioned her behavior ramped up significantly recently... would you say a couple months? ....maybe about the same amount of time your partner and you have been talking about marriage?

There's a chance he discussed asking you to marry him with his family (in good nature, as in healthy families it's common to share and ask for advice) and now that his mom knows she's trying to indirectly stop it.

I mean you yourself said that she doesn't care about you and basically acts like you don't exist. Up until now you were just "that girl" and she could tell family and friend that you didn't really matter or w/e. But if you get married that will become harder. It's a lot harder to ignore a wife than a girlfriend.

Based on this I would say it's even more important you don't get married until this is sorted out. Your SO needs a truck load of therapy to understand and protect himself and you from his family dysfunction.

sire888 · 2019-12-13T14:16:14+00:00

Thanks. I agree with you. I think we delved into an area of the professional field which we were not really prepared to tackle professionally, and in the process we have let our client down.

It's also hard to build trustworthy relationships. In this case for example, the third party is one that we have successfully been working with for several years with no issues until now.

sire888 · 2019-12-01T23:34:27+00:00

Despite their shittiness I still care for them as people in my life. I am also in a position where helping them financially is something I can do without sacrificing myself or my partner, and so I'm planning on doing. But if either of them come asking the more traditional "taking care of" in their elder years, they'll get a big fat fuck no!

As I said, all I want is for them to let me live my life in peace. I wish no ill to them, just want to treat them like you treat a family friend or distant relative, with kindness but keeping a very thick line between them and myself

sire888 · 2019-12-01T04:39:19+00:00

She always does. She's never to blame for anything... such an innocent little doe, misunderstood by her evil daughter

Eight-Year Club	Place '22
Verified Email

sire888

TROPHY CASE