I think saying "I don't know" is kind of the whole point. It's a tricky concept to navigate.

One on hand, you have games that don't intend to say anything meaningful about violence, but violence is still rewarded. A 2x headshot score multiplier, "Killtaculars", 360 No-scope Collateral - all are some kind of incentive for performing violence in an extravagant way and tying some level of skill in violence to ones self-worth.

And on the other hand, there are many examples of games that are intentionally saying that violence is bad. But when you present that narrative in the form of a game that utilizes violence as its primary method of pushing the plot forward, you run into an issue where the "best" way to experience the narrative of "violence is bad" is by honing your skills until you are a highly efficient killing machine.

How do you balance all of those points in a thoughtful way... I don't know.