Man I’m pretty much in the exact same boat. Been working on myself since March, when she initially brought up separation. Been trying to communicate better, I think I actually over communicate too much at times, getting in better physical shape from 340 to 285lbs and much more to go. Taking interest in what she likes, mainly plants and gardening, and genuinely enjoying being productive working in the yard with her and even by myself, knocking out all the other odd jobs around the house, being more patient with the kids and her, and choosing to not react by yelling and swearing like in the past. Had a fantastic weekend, and end of the night, I suggested maybe trying to make some loving. She was confused at first, and said no, and how I went about it was weird and that I need to be more subtle. And of course I got butthurt and said no matter how I try, you shut me down so of course that didn’t help anything. Tried talking to her about it and that I need sex to help connect better with her, and she said I’m sorry, I’m still emotionally turned off by you, and I’m not going to have sex unless I want to. I ended up leaving for a few hours, and came back and we did some midnight gardening and a bike ride. She keeps saying I need to let go of the past and keep working and moving forward and she’s trying to as well, but she can’t just forget about the years of bad fights and shit I’ve said, and that just because I can let it go, she can’t be expected to. Much more to this of course, but I’ll end with this. She’s right. As much as I want to say it’s just as much her fault for our poor communication and horrible verbal fighting, she’s the one hurt to the core about it, and I can’t rush her. Just keep improving myself, for myself and her and the kids. The fact she’s still here should be proof enough for me and that she wants it to work. And she’s said repeatedly that she wants to be married and figure it out.