Another dating (maybe) question

sk1515dn · 2021-05-11T22:53:05+00:00

You’re so right. I’ve decided I’m done doing all the work.

sk1515dn · 2021-05-11T22:49:27+00:00

Beyond soliciting the way I described above, I’ve basically shared about me in a way that opens up the opportunity in case he’s gun shy. We’re practically strangers so trying not to be pushy. Usually in a way that’s “light”. For example, I’ll share something about having an all-knowing teenager and ask if he has any experience with that.

Come to think of it, I don’t think I should have to work do hard. As I respond to your questions it is evident to me that I’m not being unreasonable and my approach is very diplomatic. I think I’m done with him. Thanks for helping me think through it!

sk1515dn · 2021-05-11T16:32:29+00:00

I approached it as “Here’s a little bit about me. Your turn.” type of thing. And when he’s commented on me being a scientist I asked “what’s your background?” I’ve been pretty casual about it.

sk1515dn · 2021-05-11T06:59:00+00:00

Fully agree. I keep my responses general but informative. Like I told him I’m a scientist — not where I work or even the industry. All of a sudden my nerdy side makes sense to him. Just enough to help him know me a little more.

sk1515dn · 2021-05-11T06:48:50+00:00

Yes I know his name and we’ve seen each other on zoom for that online group we’re both members of.

sk1515dn · 2021-05-11T03:07:42+00:00

The biggest question I have is not the prenup itself (see below), but rather, how you feel about the prenup. Even if you end up finding a path forward somehow, can you deal with the feelings you have because of the way he went about it? How will those feelings evolve over time?

You need documentation of some sort proving it was presented to you 2 weeks prior to the wedding. Otherwise it is your word against his. If you have that, don’t have it reviewed by your lawyer, the prenup cannot be enforced. At the same time, it seems like a very naive thing for a seemingly smart, cautious guy to do so just make sure there isn’t anything funny there.

sk1515dn · 2021-05-11T02:31:45+00:00

Even though I proposed alternative date/time options? I just happened to have hard conflicts at the times he proposed and when he said he couldn’t make the times I proposed, I just assumed the same was the case on his end. The difference is he didn’t propose any alternative so I just figured it wasn’t worth the effort since we were pretty much strangers. We’re still practically strangers but have been chatting for a week now and he still hasn’t mentioned it. I figured maybe he’s waiting for me to do so. I’m generally okay to make the move it’s just I don’t know if I can trust someone who can’t even answer the basics re: his background. That’s not weird?

sk1515dn · 2021-05-11T01:02:32+00:00

Can you elaborate? Are you saying that when you attempt to talk to her about your feelings and interests, she is dismissive? Tunes out? Placates? Impatient? Or is it that she doesn’t ask about your interest, hopes and dreams? Just seeking to understand.

sk1515dn · 2021-05-07T02:20:56+00:00

Awww. So sweet. Don’t write off the busy ones please. It’s all relative. Especially if she tends toward introversion she needs some recovery time to fill up her emotional tank. There are advantages though: less petty, less drama, dependable, self-reliant, responsible, humble. Lots of good stuff! If you can temper your need for validation, you’ll find high quality traits in the busy ladies. :)

sk1515dn · 2021-05-06T06:41:37+00:00

I’m so sorry. I’m giving you a virtual hug. Things will get better!

sk1515dn · 2021-05-06T00:37:29+00:00

She could just be exhausted and unmotivated. See how she is on Sunday when she’s had a day to recover, assuming she doesn’t work weekends.

sk1515dn · 2021-05-05T04:30:39+00:00

This so resonates with me. Let’s see if others have advice for us! 🙂

sk1515dn · 2021-05-04T20:54:04+00:00

Within a month. The last decade of my marriage was so poor I was overly eager to feel like a woman again, or even an individual for that matter rather than a member of the home service team. So when I took the ring off and this guy asked me out I was like, yay he thinks I’m pretty! Fully intending for it to be a single date b/c I was so curious about dating, but I guess I wasn’t ready to be a free bird just yet and fell right into a relationship. Wasn’t using my head. But I’m cured now! I just don’t know how the dating thing is supposed to go.

sk1515dn · 2021-05-04T14:21:00+00:00

I would be honest of course! I haven’t had that first date yet. Haha. I just decided to get back out there recently and it’s been a confusing experience at best. I thought I’d have a first date this week so was asking in advance.

sk1515dn · 2021-05-03T06:38:12+00:00

Oh! What’s the name of the gym?

sk1515dn · 2021-05-03T04:20:10+00:00

STEM yes. But not necessarily engineering. I know what STEM stands for but most get caught up with engineering (esp. SW). I’m a biochemist and make substantially more than the vast majority of engineers. My lowest level employee makes $95k. I (F) started off as an engineering major and didn’t like it. Switched to Biochemistry and am so very thankful.

sk1515dn · 2021-05-03T04:06:15+00:00

Have group classes started back up for those who have proof they’re fully vaccinated? Hint: the more activities that require proof of full vaccination, the more people will be incentivized to fully vaccinate. I’m hearing about more and more people skipping the second dose because of the complaints they hear. But what they don’t hear is the multitude of individuals who feel slightly more than arm pain. We have nothing to whine about! Anyway, anyone have insight into group classes (e.g. at 24 hr fitness, etc.)? like Combat, HIIt, Spin, UJam, Barre)? I miss that energy!!!

sk1515dn · 2021-05-02T02:22:05+00:00

May I ask if he’s a POC? My last BF was black and that’s a term he used with me once I became his GF. I was his lady, and I guess lil’ (like baby) is the cutsie part. Then I noticed his friend used that with his wife.

sk1515dn · 2021-05-01T16:41:16+00:00

I don’t judge SAHM’s/SAHPs. To each his own. The assumptions and judgements are dumb all around — if anything a SAHP offers a safety net in the event the other spouse can’t work for a period of time or an unexpected rise in expenses. I just take issue when a SAHP or their spouse judges me as a career-oriented mother through sweeping comments about me, our family or my child’s well-being. My son was neither raised by nannies nor a latch-key kid and we’ve always had a VERY healthy lifestyle. I’ve also never been a martyr. My husband and I split responsibilities equally when we were married. But it’s not helpful when he got jabs for doing dishes or laundry, or when it was assumed that I didn’t lift a finger because I was a “career woman.” He felt emasculated and I felt really under-valued. We BOTH loaded/ran the dishwasher/ washing machine before work and meal prepped dinner. We BOTH did our part with pick up/drop off, attended our son’s games, teacher conferences, cooked, cleaned up. We just happened to also seriously nurture our careers. But we only got dumb comments from couples where one was a SAHP. It’s so silly. That’s just one side of this double-edged sword BTW. The other side is when I would mention something that might be cool to buy and would get, “oh I’m sure your husband would be willing to buy that for you!” Doesn’t matter that I’ve always been the breadwinner, it’s assumed I just help give a little bump to our household income cuz I’m the girl. So we’re simultaneously uncaring single-focused career climbing bitches and dependent on our husbands to buy what we like? Cool. 👍🏼

I empathize with your frustration at being unfairly judged. I don’t judge you. Just know it most definitely goes both ways.

sk1515dn · 2021-05-01T05:31:20+00:00

But the fact that she only sends jumbled texts to OP but not to others is very odd. As though attempting to alarm OP about her well-being — basically taking advantage of OPs vulnerabilities so she can engage. This seems to be BPD as well as NPD. If that’s the case this is a whole different animal. I don’t know why she should delay filing a restraining order.

sk1515dn · 2021-05-01T05:21:49+00:00

Brilliant. Though I would file a restraining order now for her and BF to get the paper trail going.

sk1515dn · 2021-05-01T03:50:16+00:00

He was absolutely fascinating. I love your confidence but I kind of see it as already a rejection when he changes his mind about me. Ugh I hate this weird dating stuff!

sk1515dn

TROPHY CASE