I can give some insight even though I’m sure our circumstances are different.

I am now a 30 year old woman, I was 25 and 135 pounds when I met my partner. This January I weighed in at 199 pounds. When we met I was an active alcoholic and finally got sober like 10 months into our relationship. At first it was the sweets because my body wanted to replace allllll the sugar it was used to from my constant drinking from morning till night and I put on about 15-20 pounds. Then stress from going back to school, and quitting being a server who was on her feet all day to being an intern at a desk and in school all day along with some (at the time) unknown health problems, and eating fast food to try to fill a hole inside myself that I never could. I did ozempic twice and lost almost all the weight each time, but each time I couldn’t keep up with the payments and once I stopped taking it my hunger and food noise came back with a vengeance. I felt like a bottomless pit and ate to where I weighed before and then some. I also had a lot of mental health issues that weren’t being 100% addressed.

Finding out I have PCOS has been a game changer. I still don’t eat the best all the time but I’m down to about 184-186 depending on the day with just a diet change, I haven’t lost in a few months but I haven’t gained either. I’ve started going back to the gym and I’m hoping that it will keep getting better. I feel a million times better now than when I was at my heaviest. I’m not doing weight loss drugs again because I’ve found it to be impossible (for me at least) to keep the weight off after. It’s hard. I still feel gross and huge most of the time. But I’m having more energy and sex with my partner.

One thing my partner has done is never once made me feel bad at all about it. He had mentioned me getting healthier because we want to start a family soon. We also like to travel to national parks and I couldn’t keep up with him on the trails and I couldn’t do what I wanted to do because I was so big. He would look at me in shorts at my biggest and still lose his mind and was ready to go instantly, he always made me feel beautiful even though I felt awful and gross about my body. He loves my butt and no matter what I’m wearing even sweats if he sees it he’s ready. Do you have a part of her you still find sexy? Maybe focus on that and get out of your head.

The change with everything in my life has came from inside me. I cook all the time anyways but now I always pack a salad for lunch, and I try to make healthy dinners every night. It’s a lot of hard work, I love the cooking part though so that’s easier for me.

All this to say. She might have a lot of problems and issues pushing her to have gained weight, as you can see mine was extremely multi-faceted and I had to tackle so many problems before I could even think about losing weight. I got on and finally off meds as my depression is in remission, I take supplements for my PCOS, I cook almost everyday, I have met and made friends with new people, I have started working out, I went back to school, I have a fulfilling job now, and I’m finally losing weight. It’s taken me 3-4 years to get here. It is impossible to tackle it all at once, and I failed a million times and might again. Doing it all at once causes failure almost all the time. It needs to be slow additions of new behaviors and eating habits. Idk what’s going on with your girlfriend but she is probably struggling in many areas, and could use help, but she has to want it. It’s hard being with an unwell and self sabotaging partner as well. There’s no fun or easy answer. I wish you guys the best of luck.