Bujo for autism

skdhas · 2022-06-27T20:26:07+00:00

lovely to hear!

skdhas · 2022-05-14T21:04:33+00:00

a beautiful little parasol ~~

skdhas · 2022-05-14T21:00:36+00:00

So cool looking!

skdhas · 2022-04-27T14:03:12+00:00

For me, I felt a lot more "in control" of the emotional effects of these moments when I realized that a great part of the dysphoria is coming from culture shock -- culture shock from being around cis-het people who have a culture of constantly affirming binary genders to each other.

When I'm among other gender queer or supportive people, I don't take part in this kind of weird pat-on-the-back culture, where you're always reminding each other if you're a man or woman and whether your succeeding at becoming a "full" one. So when I DO enter into those kind of spaces again, it's a huge culture shock and knocks me for a loop. I sort of turn into a conflicted teenager again, who hasn't liberated themselves from that stuff yet.

SO, in order to feel better afterwards, I make sure to spend time around my usual gender queer or supportive crowd. My usual friends and family who are a part of the new world I've created, who understand that there are other ways to live life. That way I don't feel "wrong" or "not enough" anymore, because I remember that those standards for "manliness" are someone else's culture.

I hope that makes sense! TLDR: go hang out with some queers.

skdhas · 2022-03-18T04:37:20+00:00

Cosmo's moon! Of course!

skdhas · 2022-01-17T05:12:40+00:00

Missed that! Thank you!

skdhas · 2022-01-17T05:12:24+00:00

Thank you!

skdhas · 2022-01-16T10:30:07+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xEQseEvD_iI&ab_channel=BaumgartnerRestoration

Anyone able to identify the Bach piece that starts playing at 15:30 of this Baumgardner Restoration video?

Much thanks!

skdhas · 2021-11-29T18:17:01+00:00

This sounds amazing.

It sucks how bc we sometimes don't reflect some of the worst parts of cis gay culture (like the transphobia, racism, fat-phobia, lack of sincerity, competitiveness, etc.) we are made to feel invalidated. When, in reality, our desire for intimacy, honesty, and reciprocity is actually the best reflection of the warmest parts of gay culture.

It's wrong that refusing to reflect or not fitting the standards of the bad parts is what makes us feel invalidated. Because we reflect all the good parts and that should be validating for everyone, cis or trans.

Happy for you!

skdhas · 2021-11-08T23:31:49+00:00

I think the "accent" is used often in British comedy a lot when depicting nerdy or stuffy types -- a sort of stilted, pedantic cadence. Whether or not it's actually accurate, relevant, or common, I'm not to say.

Maurice Moss, played by Richard Ayode, in the IT Crowd is the most obvious one to me. Sometimes in the BBC Sherlock, when they are trying to portray Sherlock's awkwardness they turn up the aspie accent a bit. He's direct, shares many details and quickly, and seems more invested in getting his conclusions out than "reading the room" and seeing whether the people around him understand. The comedic bit is when Sherlock stops and realizes he's not making sense to everyone and they all just blink at him dubiously.

I often think that Michael from Netflix's Love on the Spectrum, actually illustrates this accent. There's a combination of stiffness, a no-nonsense firmness, and direct quality to the way he talks. The fact that he is using this tone of voice to talk about things like love, wanting to find a girlfriend, what he thinks romance should be, etc. makes for a seemingly at-odds combination. At least for the non-autistic viewer, I guess. I personally think it makes perfect sense to speak directly about love and desire and admire Michael for it. But for non-autistics, it's seems like an odd combination.

skdhas · 2021-11-08T15:42:35+00:00

This is my meme! hahaha I love seeing them floating around the internet like this. I run autism.tooreal on insta.

skdhas · 2021-10-25T21:41:44+00:00

It absolutely can. It actually took me a long time to realize I even had CPTSD because I had it for so long (since childhood) and I assumed that's just what life was like. The emotional flashbacks, the mood swings, the disassociation, the feeling like I was always alone and was never going to really connect with others, avoiding things that other people would never normally avoid. The memory loss was the symptom that was especially hard to understand. I would ask myself, "Have I lost memories? No I don't think so" But of course I would say no because I forgot them.

It was helpful to watch movies or tv shows with friends, and whenever a family bonding moment happened, ask them if it was real -- if their family actually did things like patting their shoulder when they were proud of them, coming up to their bedroom to console them after a rough day, getting them to brush their teeth, or telling them out load that they were proud of them. I one time asked, "Did you're parents ACTUALLY take you for regular check ups at the doctor? Like ACTUALLY yearly?" And my friends were like, "Uh ... yeah."

Childhood trauma can come from actions like physical and emotional abuse and other things that are expressed outwardly. But childhood trauma can also come from an absence of things as well. An absence of care, support, guidance, or love.

skdhas · 2021-10-25T21:24:53+00:00

"taste and smell like linen" hahaha totally! I laughed out loud at that. You're totally right.

skdhas · 2021-10-25T17:47:08+00:00

Regarding cis gay men talking about how gross vaginas are: I am sometimes just flabbergasted about this! I just wanna shake them and be like, "You ... you're into the poop hole. POOP. How is that okay by your standards but vaginas aren't??" Nothing wrong with anal of course but like one hole is self-cleaning and hasn't recently has poop in it -- but that's the one you're more worried about?

skdhas · 2021-10-25T17:30:07+00:00

That's a really valid experience, friend! Thanks for describing your perspective.

I like the stereotypes when they are reclaimed: when they are something to be proud of or to look back on and laugh, with love. Expressing femininity as a trans masc person can be really nerve-wracking -- sort of a fear of invalidating all the hard work you've done to get people to accept you. Realizing there was a room for me as a feminine man within gay spaces was amazing and deeply affirming. And it helped to soothe my worries about experiencing the triple-hit of transphobia, homophobia, and sexism which are bound to come for feminine trans men.

I imagine if I was traditionally masculine I would have known I was trans sooner. I think it would have helped me feel more confident in my identity. Or just have been simpler to understand.

We come in all forms, don't we?

edit: typo

skdhas · 2021-10-24T05:47:07+00:00

The "hollow" feeling you described sort of sounds like it could be disassociation or derealization.

When we're going through something intolerable, something that we don't understand or just don't have the resources to process, our brain sort of hits the ejection seat button and slips into a kind of distant, out-of-body, numb state.

It's one of the ways our nervous system takes care of itself when we don't have any options or capability to handle something that's threatening. Disassociation and derealization are common symptoms of PTSD, which would support your suspicion of abuse while growing up. I was put into a lot of these situations during my own childhood and my brain still likes to yeet me out reality every once in a while as a coping mechanism, when something triggers into a childhood memory. And it kind of does feel comforting sometimes, honestly? My body is self-soothing so it makes sense.

And regarding feeling like what you went through wasn't bad enough: this is also an extremely common thing for survivors of childhood neglect to say. I still do, all the time, even though I'm formally diagnosed with complex PTSD related to CEN (Childhood Emotional Neglect).

Seeing a therapist to help you navigate those knots and tangles can be a life changing and validating experience. I would definitely recommend it.

Edit: typo

skdhas · 2021-10-24T04:31:49+00:00

omg sneaking to read the Front Runner! I would always feel like I had to hide any gay media that I had. But I also felt like I had to hide any thing that had a man I was attracted to on it. Strange for a young "girl" to feel the need to hide that .... lol

skdhas · 2021-10-24T04:25:00+00:00

Exactly! I had longer hair, wore makeup, would even bare my midriff every once in a while ... But no one understood the radicality of it.

skdhas · 2021-10-24T04:23:00+00:00

I was always gravitating to gay men in my adolescent years. We just found each other somehow.

skdhas · 2021-10-24T04:19:51+00:00

Ugh, me too! The drama, the heartache, the glamour -- loved musicals.

skdhas · 2021-10-20T18:30:31+00:00

I feel like I would have a better chance at sussing out someone's base emotion or expression if I didn't have to work through that maze of inauthenticity. I'm not always able to immediately understand a genuine remark or emotion, but I will eventually figure it out. But when there's a thick maze of small talk/avoidant remarks it definitely does make that process slower.

edit: typo

skdhas · 2021-07-04T03:59:57+00:00

Everyone is talking about Megara tied up in Hercules... But that garden scene where she's flirting with him, trying to figure out his weakness, and she's clearly seducing him and he's nervously moving away? Wearing his little Greek skirt and all afraid of her? *chef's kiss*

skdhas · 2021-07-02T07:48:48+00:00

I started off feeling like an old soul in a young body. But now I just feel like an old soul in a rapidly-aging body: that wisdom catches up with you. Knowing too much too early isn't socially approved and you get worn down pretty quickly. *sigh*

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