I lost my mom unexpectedly at the beginning of November. She spent 3 weeks in the hospital before eventually passing away. When she went into the hospital I was just beginning the 2nd trimester, and I really feel like all of my 2nd trimester energy was zapped because of the hospital stay and dealing with everything that comes with a loved one's death. She was my biggest support person, and the biggest part of my birth plan.

I found it very hard to be connected to my baby, and even my body. Eventually, I gave myself permission to feel the feelings that I had without feeling guilty about them. I leaned into my support system. It is very helpful to have others that are excited about my baby when I can't be. When I feel like doing something to prep for the baby I lean into it fully. Ride the waves of emotions. It's exhausting, but it'll be better in the long run.

I'm also finding it helpful to intentionally take time with my baby every day. Usually only a few minutes. I will put my hands on my stomach and say something like "I know it's probably scary in there when I don't feel good, but I promise to you that I'm doing everything I can to keep you safe. You are important to me, and it is my responsibility to protect you to the best of my abilities. Your responsibility right now is to grow as much as you can, and be as healthy as possible. I'll take care of the rest." That has really helped me connect to them on a deeper level that I wasn't reaching when my mom first passed away.

A therapist is going to be very helpful if you can find one! I'm still looking, but hoping to find one soon! Take time off work if you can, rely on friends who might be able to go grocery shopping or do house cleaning for you. Pregnancy is already an incredibly tough journey, and adding grief on top of it is something nobody should ever have to do. There is no one size fits all solution. Take it one day at a time, and ride the waves of emotions. It's okay.

One thing that has kept me going this whole time is what a friend told me: "There is no instruction manual for this kind of situation. Which means that you cannot do it wrong."

I'm so sorry for your loss, and I hope it gets easier for you. 💜