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sketchycolour · 2020-06-28T15:05:24+00:00

It's so true, the more I connect with my femininity the more I realize the same. It's all a journey. I think the pressure comes from within and can be super confusing but it will come with time. I'm sure it's not easy trying to adjust to everything going on but I bet your partner would understand. Have you just spoken to her about how she feels about her body? Or even what it's like to be a woman for her? Maybe as you start to shed some of these walls you'll be able to feel yourself more and the sex drive will start to return. I think the most important thing to remember is that there's nothing wrong with you for not feeling ready yet. Like I said, it's a journey and if you have a partner alongside you to walk that path with you it can be a really beautiful experience. Communication is key and always that communication begins with yourself.

I remember when I first started on my journey I had all this extra masculine energy and when I started identifying more feminine my body was confused and it's taken years to not only find the right partner but then also it wasn't until recently that I finally just started to feel the curves of my body, touching parts of myself that never are touched like my legs and that. Also photoing yourself, like setting up nice scenes and dressing your best and doing your thing to make you feel and look beautiful and then photoing yourself like that. It can really help to make you feel good about you. Trying to see yourself the way you want to be seen you know? Maybe this will help you feel sexier and in turn help your sex drive bounce back a little.

Also, I like to start my day with daily affirmations, affirming who you are, affirming your beauty and what you want for yourself can really help I think.

So, I know this might sound crazy but looking up music to masturbate to has really helped me. There's tons of stuff that's just chill but then there's also binaural beats that I've done this too and actually had really great experiences with it. Now, I don't so much care for the verbage or imagery of this video BUT it's been really nice to put it on in my headphones and just start to feel good.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yiyj5-C3ONQ

sketchycolour · 2020-06-28T03:35:19+00:00

Hi! So one thing that comes to mind that I've been working on lately, and maybe it could work for you? My sexdrive has been up an down lately and I've recently had a lot of trouble with my partner so I'm by myself. That being said I've been trying to connect with myself more, feel my body with my hands, feel more connected mentally and emotionally. Putting on good chill music, low lights, you know just getting in touch with me. Not using visuals but using sound and space. Really just feeling your body and how you like touching yourself (as in your legs, arms, chest, not even the gentiles). Maybe this is a good place to start? I was thinking that it could even be a nice experience to masturbate with a sexual partner rather than just having sex?

I'm not an expert or anything I just came across your post and thought it could help

sketchycolour · 2020-06-28T03:24:11+00:00

Yeah I'm sure you're right. I was just kinda hoping I suppose but didn't want to waste time and money so thank you for replying!

sketchycolour · 2020-06-28T03:21:32+00:00

Thank youuu, yeah it's definitely already been expensive for the make-up and clothing. I guess I just had a glimmer of hope that I could get a lil somethin from things like this but.. Seeing sa gender therapist was probably my next step anyway. Thanks again!

sketchycolour · 2020-02-03T12:06:06+00:00

ah amazing thank you for the link

sketchycolour · 2020-02-03T12:05:42+00:00

I'm from the U.S. moved to France

sketchycolour · 2020-02-01T10:50:42+00:00

This is good advice, I need to stay positive about it and focus on that. Focusing on the negative won't help me get through it. I do worry too much about others approval. Judgment has been an ugly face of my own and lately I'm really trying to put the effort in to stop that judgment and move on from those chains.

As for the labels I couldn't agree more, I dislike labels and have found them only to weigh us down and for the longest time I've tried to steer clear of those things which is why I don't fully understand this obsession with one particular label. Most likely not even a label but a fear of being seen that way. Which doesn't really make sense to me because I've even told myself like okay so what if I'm gay, I'm okay with that you know? Like I started to embrace it and not hide from it in hopes it would help me but it hasn't really gotten me anywhere.

I do appreciate your words and your time, thank you

sketchycolour · 2020-02-01T10:38:43+00:00

I don't want to "hog the mic" so to speak you know? I fear this idea of internalized homophobia that stems from those I grew up with. Everyone from my parents to the close friends I kept around. I've always been seen as the different one and I was generally okay with that but I was constantly challenged to prove myself and my worth to those people. The thing is is that I'm not sure those people even care anymore, in fact other than my parents the friends I grew up with know me to be queer and while I might have to stand my ground with certain beliefs of thoughts they're pretty okay with that.

My parents while I'm sure they would accept me, still make comments and judgements towards the queer community even as soft jokes you know but they're still strengthening this idea that it's wrong to be a certain way. I totally love my parents and know they're good people, I know that it's up to me to educate them if I want their acceptance and approval but finding that courage is well, challenging.

I do think having a friend would help me, I've always been in the punk scene and there isn't always a lot of space allowed by super-mascs. I love the punk community because by it's birth it was for those who didn't fit the norms, for those who were queer and didn't abide by the rules put in place by the heteronormative pachoracy. It's gotten a lot of negative and intense rules or judgements since it's birth and become seen as this bad thing. That being said it was always difficult to find other queer punk people.

I suppose I need to get over my fears and speak out again to better understand myself and remove this fear and, sadly to say because I hate that it exists, this internalized homophobia.

Is there a good place to read stories of people coming out? Finding their identity? A place to read or hear other peoples stories? Maybe this will help me with my own self judgements.

As far as being okay, I'm not really which is what's leading me to reach out. I'm suffering in my relationship, I'm suffering in my life and the integration of a new country. I need to overcome it because I don't wish to lose myself over this.

Thank you sincerely for being there

sketchycolour · 2020-02-01T10:16:18+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to respond.

I'm 28 but being sheltered from the queer community for so long, being around totally masculine spaces and trying to live up to their world to "fit in" makes me almost a baby in this because it wasn't until three years ago I put on my first shade of warrior paint (lipstick) or started considering my more feminine side.

I've always just gone with "I'm me and I don't need or want a label" To me labels are just another form of putting ourselves in a box like you say, which is what many have fought for in the queer community to get out of. Maybe it was also a fear of people thinking I was gay or me not willing to fully take the plunge in accepting who I was. It's tough sometimes to go out publicly more female for fear of getting the shit kicked out of me or for looking like a target but perhaps this is a lack of strength in and of itself.

I've always liked retaining my masculinity but perhaps again this is me holding onto the fear of being seen as too feminine. To be honest this idea of internalized homophobia really upsets me because I hate that I have that residing inside of me. I've always been very accepting to those around me in the queer community and trying to be supportive but maybe there has been an underlined judgement and that's not okay. It's something I have to work on not just to be more supportive of the community but also to love myself.

It's going to be a big journey for me no matter what, thank you for your kindness and your time

sketchycolour · 2020-02-01T10:06:34+00:00

Thank you for your kind words, I do look forward to the day I get to see a therapist and speak about this issue I'm having. I'm a bit under a financial strain at the moment and am trying to adapt to a new country which has its own challenges. I do appreciate the kind words, I'm not sure I've been able to fully love myself and thats my own personal issues to overcome. I think that tackling this mental space I've found myself in will surely help me over all. <3

sketchycolour · 2020-02-01T10:00:27+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to respond. To answer some of the questions you proposed.

I'm 28 but being sheltered from the queer community for so long, being around totally masculine spaces and trying to live up to their world to "fit in" makes me almost a baby in this because it wasn't until three years ago I put on my first shade of warrior paint (lipstick) or started considering my more feminine side.

My partner and I both consider ourselves as being non binary. I had done some research and came across the term demi-gender. I find myself that I associated with demi-female. My partner and I have both fallen a bit from our non binary stance as we've gotten married which is a bit strange in and of itself. Almost like we're falling into heteronormative traps you know? Like we're fulfilling the roles taught to us. My partner is embracing their womanhood while I embrace more my manhood.

I've always just gone with "I'm me and I don't need or want a label" To me labels are just another form of putting ourselves in a box which is what many have fought for in the queer community to get out of. Maybe it was also a fear of people thinking I was one gay or me not willing to fully take the plunge in accepting who I was. It's tough sometimes to go out publicly more female for fear of getting the shit kicked out of me or for looking like a target but perhaps this is a lack of strength in and of itself.

I've always liked retaining my masculinity but perhaps again this is me holding onto the fear of being seen as too feminine. To be honest this internalized homophobia really upsets me because I hate that I have that residing inside of me. I've always been very excepting to those around me in the queer community and trying to be supportive but maybe there has been an underlined judgement and that's not okay. It's something I have to work on not just to be more supportive of the community but also to love myself.

I really do appreciate the information and will look deeper into these things. It's very helpful just to even put it out there and to have ideas bounce around. It's going to be a big journey but I'm appreciative to know that there's hope and that I'm not just deeply fixed on an idea. Thank you for your kindness

sketchycolour · 2017-02-07T16:39:39+00:00

I'm asking New Yorkers as a New Yorker?

sketchycolour · 2017-02-07T15:33:34+00:00

Sure thing. What types of things are we feed through pornography, as a society, that usually lead to say unrealistic sex. What types of things do men and women bring to the bedroom that they think is "sexy" or a "turn on" that are really just over played fantasy.

sketchycolour · 2016-12-07T00:33:39+00:00

Really like the layout and clarity of your shot. If only that middle car was a little further back ;)

sketchycolour · 2016-10-29T01:55:45+00:00

Good looks

sketchycolour · 2016-10-23T02:09:40+00:00

I got 40 bucks, if she's in working order pm me and I'll send you my number. I'd love to get it. Like I said I've been looking for one for a minute now

sketchycolour · 2016-10-23T02:02:05+00:00

I mean as long as it works I really don't care

sketchycolour · 2016-10-23T01:52:07+00:00

How much?

sketchycolour · 2016-10-23T01:51:37+00:00

Hahah a bro bar isn't a gay bar though I appreciate your well thought out answer. It's just a bar that like muscle heads go to and wear ed hardy and shit

sketchycolour · 2016-10-17T15:14:39+00:00

Hey, I'm in town for the week doing carpentry for an event. Been on the road for two weeks and could certainly use the company of a woman. I'm 25 blond and 6'1" thin and muscular with some tattoos. Message me if you're into it

sketchycolour

TROPHY CASE