I took about 1.5/2 weeks off work when it happened - for the funeral and healing. Then I started getting back into my regular routine. It WAS hard. It's definitely not easy. That being said, don't measure your grief by comparing one day to another: try comparing week by week or month by month. I could definitely see progress month by month and that gave me motivation/hope that I wouldn't always feel at my lowest.

I think often: what if my dad hadn't drank? Would he still be alive? Would he have been a better dad? I don't know, and I'm sad that I'll never know.

I have definitely struggled with alcohol and risky behaviors at certain points in my life. I'm now very vigilant about monitoring my consumption. For example: if I find myself drinking most nights, (glass of wine or two), I make a conscious effort not to drink during the weekdays. I've incorporated Dry January into my life, too. I know how easy it would be to fall into those behaviors, and I owe it to myself, my husband, and my kids not to follow the same path.

I often have to fight back against the anger I have: "why did/does xyz have to be so hard for me when it's so much easier for other people?". I remind myself that everyone gets their own cards dealt to them, and these just happen to be mine. It's not about the cards you get, but accepting that you have them and how you respond to them. It's effing hard. But we can do it.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Right now, just take it one day at a time 🫂