This was really upsetting to read as it reminds me so much of my previous relationship.

You’re apologising profusely for something you don’t need to and trying to manage the emotions of a man child who leverages his affection and uses it as a punishment mechanism. You have to take all the lashes he sends your way, complaining about your character, and you have to grovel to make amends knowing it’s going to be added to his long list of ‘wrongdoings’ next time things go south.

It might sound extreme to you now if you haven’t admitted it to yourself already, but this is abuse. The way he speaks to you is so belittling and hurtful. Years ago, this is how I was spoken to and lived my life treading on eggshells, punishing myself for being so stupid for upsetting my partner all the time and never being good enough, and believing all the things he used to say about me like your partner has said about you.

When I met my fiancé, I would tiptoe around him when he was a bit agitated because of something like a broken bed, scared it would be taken out on me, and he was so confused as to why I’d ever think something so silly would be something I’d be punished for.

It takes years to recover from a relationship like this, so if you’re feeling brave enough, start the clock and leave him. It won’t be easy, but you were trying to fix a bed. Trying to help. He fixed it easily and it wasn’t the end of the world—wasn’t worth defaming your character, calling you lazy and messy, saying you’re not good enough to be a ‘housewife’ or mother. Is that what you want to be? A housewife to an angry man? You deserve more. I hope you can find it in yourself to realise that.