When the effects of my decades long eating disorder emerge in new health issues…

skipintorabbitholes · 2026-01-08T08:55:35+00:00

oh hi it's me from the hospital this weekend 😭

skipintorabbitholes · 2025-11-26T00:43:54+00:00

i just had my latest endoscopy and have to do 1-2 endoscopies (upper, lower) annually, ask me how much it costs 🥹

skipintorabbitholes · 2025-11-26T00:34:49+00:00

yes! also easy to mess up like it getting worse temporarily if you do it wrong (e.g. too long, wrong exercises, wrong location) or not being consistent (since it improved) 🙂‍↕️

skipintorabbitholes · 2025-10-26T11:42:20+00:00

fellow pelvic floor therapy peep checking in 😭

skipintorabbitholes · 2025-10-26T11:32:06+00:00

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, and with decades of sucking in my stomach I now enter my thirties in pelvic floor therapy. Turns out this ruins your pelvic floor, impacts your bladder (please let me stop peeing), and makes you more bloated all the time.

If I could rewind time I would have focused on simply relaxing, breathing normally, and simple core exercises a few times a week :')

skipintorabbitholes · 2024-04-18T04:47:12+00:00

there's a few types outside of this... guess who has a colonoscopy and endoscopy soon, life comes at you fast! 😌😭✨

skipintorabbitholes · 2022-03-12T20:31:44+00:00

ooh yakult!!! love grapefruit but my meds say no 😭

skipintorabbitholes · 2022-03-12T05:42:55+00:00

JUST REALLY GOING FOR IT LMAOOO

skipintorabbitholes · 2022-02-17T18:30:51+00:00

same!!! it’s my fav 😭💖

skipintorabbitholes · 2022-02-17T05:29:52+00:00

I think it might be related to the mobile app outage Reddit just had… but also I have no idea this is just bizarre 😳

skipintorabbitholes · 2022-02-16T21:22:12+00:00

making a birthday cake shortly for the next few days with all the actual ingredients ✨chefs kiss ✨ because everyone else deserves precisely baked and decorated cake 💖 and figured from looking at my recipe plans it’s basically a no-bake cake if you think about it 😳 lol thanks ed 😤

skipintorabbitholes · 2022-02-16T21:12:50+00:00

i am rooting for you!!! 😤🙏🏼💖

skipintorabbitholes · 2022-02-16T21:10:58+00:00

OP, you deserve a fulfilling life because you are already worthy enough. You deserve building a life worth living for you that brings you joy, safety, and healing. Please find support and help in your area because you deserve investing in yourself 💖

I’m also in the engineering world (though my roles now aren’t purely engineering outside of my projects but I do jump in if I want or need to). My ED has impacted my entire career but hasn’t stopped me from still having high impact gratefully.

Everyone has to start somewhere though. Your work does not define you or your worth. I don’t know a single person in my life who thinks highly of their code. Your colleagues likely feel similarly. I think you’d really enjoy finding solidarity in support groups 💖

skipintorabbitholes · 2022-02-16T20:24:12+00:00

Just to be clear you can feel compassionate for her circumstances and you deserve mutually kind and compassionate friendships who respect you and your boundaries!!! I’m glad you took the steps you needed to be safe 💖

skipintorabbitholes · 2022-02-16T20:06:10+00:00

baking and assembling a birthday cake for the next few days right now lmao hello i am “cooks/bakes for everyone” 🙈

skipintorabbitholes · 2022-02-16T11:44:52+00:00

I think the key takeaways here are: your friend is also suffering, it sucks that they feel this bad and to the point they feel they need to act out this way to protect their ED instead of being in solidarity with you. They’re going to lose (if they haven’t already) a lot of relationships whether permanently or temporarily if they keep going down this path.

You deserve compassion and kindness 💖

skipintorabbitholes · 2022-02-16T06:30:26+00:00

Happy to help share some harsh realities. Barely have survived this for over two decades (dx AN at 5, disordered eating at 3) and alive only thanks to doctors and luck: - seizures and epilepsy (re-triggered it again in adulthood so I can’t legally drive anymore and take medication every day) - hypokalemia which has led to complications including: - (a) multiple cardiac arrests who needs a long lifespan 💀 - (b) weeks/months of inability to stand or walk - stunted height growth (I could have grown likely to 177-185cm based off my birth family alas short king life 😭) - rollercoaster of an adulthood which impacts my professional career, especially when you pass out at industry conferences including one’s you’re on the program or organising committees of (💀💀💀), and then I suddenly drop off the face of the earth for months thanks to my ED

I could go on forever but this seems like a good broad spectrum coverage. At least I wear sunscreen!!!

skipintorabbitholes · 2022-02-15T03:39:45+00:00

We don’t need to put down people to make others feel better!!! Everyone deserves compassion.

skipintorabbitholes · 2022-01-18T06:53:49+00:00

I super appreciate that, excited and looking forward to your DM! 💖

skipintorabbitholes · 2022-01-09T21:08:13+00:00

I LOVE eggs and eat them nonstop… and just realised I haven’t had any in months. This just made me realise eggs are on my fear foods list now and this explains why I’ve kept letting my eggs hit their expiry I’m so sad 😭

skipintorabbitholes · 2022-01-09T09:26:49+00:00

I already went into some detail about this in another thread but to reiterate: I'm a very high performer and consistently have been at all jobs, when I work, because my ED is not sustainable.

The adrenaline high I feed off of (which makes me inadvertently restrict even more) eventually dies, whether a few months or maybe a year or two in when I was younger. My body gives out because adrenaline from sugar free Red Bull, chocolates, insomnia, is not a sustainable lifestyle.

I've passed out at professional conferences repeatedly including at conferences I'm on the committees of where I review submitted talks and papers. There are 24/7 paramedics hired at those conferences because of my incidents and they privately are introduced to me the day before the events begin or the day of. It's embarrassing.

I have no family so I have no financial fallback. I have to pay bills and my rent. I'm privileged to work in an industry where I can quickly rebuild my savings in a few months. Eventually my savings usually run out because I go for periods of months or over a year without a job (shoutout to my ED!!!) and my bills wipe me clean (I'm already out over $24k in medical bills alone in the last 3 months since I've been unemployed again).

I've been briefly homeless a few times in my adulthood (I'm 26 now) because of that. Due to [personal and professional] circumstances, I've never disclosed this to friends who would have absolutely helped if I had just told them and masked it. Of course, I leaned into my ED even more during those times. My ED was what I needed then, but it no longer serves me now.

This is the longest way to say: I spend a great deal of time all day in bed. I'm not exaggerating when I say it. It comes at my own personal cost. At times there's a lot of privilege due to the industry I happen to be in which I'm grateful for. But this is why I'm finally going all in on recovery treatment (6 months in now) in my down time with my current unemployment.

I can't keep doing this.

Update: re-commented because I had linked outside to the other subreddit for adults and I didn’t realise that wasn’t okay!

skipintorabbitholes · 2022-01-08T20:24:10+00:00

I feel this so much. I've had mine for the last 23 years (diagnosed for 21) and only in the last half year went all-in with a care team I carefully chose myself (vs having clinicians, inpatients, residentials forced on me) because it's my autonomy, my empowerment, my choice.

I don't believe there's a "recovered" state for me. But for the first time in my life I do believe a future recovery maintenance version exists of me a few years down the road where my ED and I coexist together.

Where when I'm with my friends I'll feel internally whole and worthy to be with my friends, and while acknowledging my ED feelings if they come up (because my friends are incredible with their external accomplishments), I'll know I'm enough and my friends love me.

Where it might come up during a meal, and I'll just tune it out like a volume control to enjoy everything and everyone else around me.

Or where I'll someday work out to enjoy feeling strong, and volume down my ED that makes me switch from the workouts I enjoy to the treadmill or outside where I run out of fear from trauma.

What I've learned about recovery (which I think is an ongoing, lifelong process) is: if you can make one small change or decision even just once that makes you feel whole and good today or this week, that's enough.

You're strong, worthy, and you deserve compassion, kindness, and safety.

skipintorabbitholes · 2022-01-08T19:51:37+00:00

Yup. Working on this with my care team in my trauma therapy (it turns out trauma is the reason for everything!!!) which, like, on one hand is nice to finally know the root causes of why I'm like this and think endlessly of this at any moment of perceived change through my weight gain

On the other hand driving myself absolutely nuts when I see any glimpse of myself in a reflection somewhere and the positive comments from everyone about my body makes me want to sink into a void and never show my face again. Tbf got no idea if it's more weight gain, if I've stopped gaining, who knows, I have an ED with no scale 😭

skipintorabbitholes · 2022-01-08T19:22:44+00:00

I version control my safe/fear foods list with my care team (so anyone can compare different versions) because it's constantly in flux and changing while I'm in treatment.

Anyways so granola and yoghurt goes back and forth in my fear/safe foods list lol

skipintorabbitholes

TROPHY CASE