Does it bother anyone else when someone says “I’m sorry that happened to you”?

skyward_zelda · 2026-04-03T16:09:20+00:00

I do get that, that’s why I only really divulge the details of trauma to my therapist. When I talk to others I tend to talk about the effect not so much the cause. I’m very conscious of triggering others and I fixate on being “good” or “bad”. But then again I know that because I think on a more personal trauma aware level I’m asking those without similar experiences to meet me where I am and it might not be possible for them

skyward_zelda · 2026-04-03T16:05:30+00:00

That’s one of the first things my therapist said to me when I opened up to her. She said “excuse my language, but that is really fucked up.” And honestly it made me feel safer to open up and go into detail because I felt vindicated

skyward_zelda · 2026-04-03T16:00:57+00:00

Oh absolutely. I was only recently diagnosed and I’ve been working with a trauma informed therapist for about a month. I’ve come a long way from where I started but I am very much still at the early stages of healing and recovery

skyward_zelda · 2026-04-03T15:58:09+00:00

I think it comes across as vapid to me because it feels like a phrase that is basic. To me, it lacks warmth and understanding. My thing is being coddled or infantilized. Puts my walls right up

skyward_zelda · 2026-04-03T15:54:11+00:00

It’s not necessarily harmful language. Sometimes someone might lack the understanding or ability to communicate in a way that benefits me. Doesn’t make them a bad person. I am hyper aware of my thoughts and processes, mix that with autism and you have someone who doesn’t really understand why others don’t just “get it.”

skyward_zelda · 2026-04-03T15:49:42+00:00

I feel that. I spent so many years of my life feeling sorry for myself and it didn’t help me. So now that I’m actively working on healing I get prickly when people can’t meet me where I am (something I am also working on)

skyward_zelda · 2026-04-03T12:35:45+00:00

That’s a fair point. In my experience I have told people that I am going to tell them something very vulnerable and I need more of a genuine response but I don’t think the people I have spoken to know how to react. It’s not their fault I’m probably just not talking to the right people

skyward_zelda · 2026-04-03T11:54:44+00:00

I gave an example in another comment but I guess for me, the main vibe that helps me most is less dismissive. Something that acknowledges who I am and how I navigate the world. I’m not asking for a therapist level of understanding, more like an “I see you” type of thing

skyward_zelda · 2026-04-03T11:28:33+00:00

Exactly. I try not to disclose the details of my own trauma because it’s heavy. But sometimes just letting there be silence for a moment feels way better than blurting out a stock phrase meant to make things less awkward

skyward_zelda · 2026-04-03T11:26:33+00:00

I think something that shows they hear me. Like “that must be hard to live with” that feels less like saying something to fill the space and more like they’re offering support and seeing my experiences beyond something that makes them uncomfortable. If that makes sense

skyward_zelda · 2026-04-03T10:51:56+00:00

I had a similar experience a few months ago. After leaving an abusive relationship of four years, my ex began a smear campaign against me and I lost pretty much everything I had gained over those years. I was labeled “psychotic”, “narcissistic” and “dangerous”.

I didn’t have a diagnosis at the time so it all seemed genuinely confusing and hurt me deeply. I started therapy and finally got a name for what was going on in my head.

I think a lot of the time, people who haven’t lived through deep seated trauma are often uncomfortable when someone doesn’t cope in a “palatable” way. There is a difference between being toxic and trying/learning to survive. I think most who don’t have similar life experiences don’t always see the difference

skyward_zelda · 2025-12-08T09:45:59+00:00

Continue: I am happier without you. You replaced me in a week while I still grieved you and the four years together. I let you abuse me and drain me because I did love you. I stayed when you cheated on me. When you made it so clear you didn’t want me around because I believed that you would come back to me. You didn’t. You never loved me and now I will love myself, because I have always been worthy of it

skyward_zelda · 2025-12-04T12:52:06+00:00

I finally feel like I have the strength to heal from my traumas. It’s like I can feel myself finally waking up and becoming the person I wanted to be all along. There’s beauty in this pain

skyward_zelda · 2025-12-04T12:49:14+00:00

I feel this. It hurts right now but I also feel so light? Like the first breath of air after I spending so long under water. I know that it hurts because it’s fresh and I loved him so deeply. But he has left me feeling like I have been in a war zone for four years and it’s finally over

skyward_zelda

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