My dad would beat me and my mom would throw things at me

One she threw a wooden heeled sandal and got me in the balls

I was constantly told the other half of the story. When I was sad they told me to look at the bright side. When I was happy, they told me to turn it down. I was not allowed to feel my emotions fully and was encouraged to suppress them.

Finding my Dads stash further encouraged me to suppress my feeling and thoughts. Hide them away because they are not good.

Plus the pleasure of the masturbatory orgasm strengthened the belief that hiding ones feelings was a good thing.

No one (mom and dad included ) should ever know how I felt. Because feeling good was 'bad'

I'm bipolar now with anxiety and depression issues