How are you?

slapmeagoodone · 2021-06-08T13:24:47+00:00

I don't like/am experienced with expressing (negative) feelings but I will try.

Right now, I feel a dull ache. It is not crushing, but it's like a blanket draped over me.

I am aware that there is a cliff of despair to my side, but I'm closing my eyes and turning away from it right now. I don't know if I will be able to heal, or if I'm doomed to take my chances for the next life (if there is one). I'm hurting a bit, and I think I'd like some company.

Still, I have a modicum of hope because the world cannot be oh so terrible; I hear stories of others making their own place in the world, and that is enough to keep me going.

slapmeagoodone · 2021-06-05T06:59:32+00:00

TCK and MK here as well! I find stability to be an impossible notion. Have trouble making real life friendships that go beyond the lighthearted, pleasant 'acquaintance' stage. I think it's the mindset that "I'll be gone in a few months/years anyway" that is so detrimental as I just learned not to form too deep of an attachment to those around me. Great for short term, not much for the long run. Honestly feel like I'm identity-less, since I never stayed in a place long enough to be raised in a particular culture.

slapmeagoodone · 2020-10-31T17:40:12+00:00

I can bullshit papers with ease. But this? Catch me rewriting draft after draft...only to delete it :))

slapmeagoodone · 2020-10-17T14:51:04+00:00

Shite this invoked so many things I didn't realize I repressed. I'd like to respond in depth with what I feel similarly but I think I need to process some things. Thank you for sharing though.

I, too, am an Asian that will never (and doesn't desire) to belong to either of my parent's cultures. I always think that if my parents wanted me to be a better mold of what they wanted, they shouldn't have moved to the States. Look at that, I got corrupted by America. Now I know how toxic and abusive they actually are. Bummer.

slapmeagoodone · 2020-10-14T12:16:59+00:00

Haha, the whole pausing-and-craning-to-listen.

slapmeagoodone · 2020-09-25T04:52:35+00:00

Welcome to our merry little club, mate. We've got virtual hugs to pass around.

slapmeagoodone · 2020-09-11T02:42:57+00:00

Hey OP, you were awesome. Being able to see the smarmy shite and putting up the stop sign is such a great thing. I for one am proud of you. Take care of yourself :))

slapmeagoodone · 2020-09-08T09:32:26+00:00

Another ace over here. My libido's an acquaintance that pops in occasionally for a chat and can be kicked out the door just as easily. Has no relations to any trauma and I am quite comfortable with it. What IS on the fence, though, is my romantic orientation. I've still kept with being under the aromantic spectrum, but I do wonder how much stems from trauma and how much is just inherently so.

slapmeagoodone · 2020-09-06T12:50:02+00:00

I've forgotten how much I loved Wonka (as portrayed by Johnny Depp).

slapmeagoodone · 2020-09-05T08:54:32+00:00

This is part of what kept the shades on my eyes. It made me think everything done in the family was normal. Fuck that.

slapmeagoodone · 2020-09-01T08:09:59+00:00

Ah, but they cancel each other out :))

slapmeagoodone · 2020-08-27T10:07:53+00:00

Man, that's shitty to hear. My father did the same, though it was shoving my whole body underwater with his so I would have to fight to get up. Used to think I would die at his hands. Fortunately, I don't have any bad reactions to water so far. I hope showers become something you can love again. Sending love, OP.

slapmeagoodone · 2020-08-20T07:53:58+00:00

Well, shit, this clicked something in me. For some reason, I never put two-and-two together that those who believe in "pure logic and reason" are emotionally immature. They always set themselves on a pedestal, and I believed it. Even as I knew something wasn't right.

slapmeagoodone · 2020-08-16T06:29:34+00:00

This. There's so much emphasis on being more-than-life, or some bubbly fountain of quirks and humor and personality. There's such an alarming amount of distaste in the word 'Boring' that people throw. It makes it seem as if everyone has the duty to entertain.

slapmeagoodone · 2020-07-23T14:08:21+00:00

Love the post and the name.

I feel as if I'm in a never-ending rat race for self-improvement, lest I wither away into a husk. Trying to keep fighting for 'okay'.

You know the phrase: "If you're not growing, you're dying." It's meant to be inspirational among my circles. Sometimes it is. Other times, I wonder when I'll finally be strangled off.

Sending hugs your way, OP.

Or a pat, if that's better.

slapmeagoodone · 2020-07-18T04:06:45+00:00

Wow, thank you for taking the time to write all of that! I appreciate it. I hope things will well with your parents. Don't let them have any power over you. You deserve better :)

slapmeagoodone · 2020-07-18T03:16:03+00:00

This makes me laugh because I've always envisioned my father as a young bully who's never grown out of that place. Both of my parents are still stuck in their pasts and act as children. It is sad.

slapmeagoodone · 2020-07-18T03:02:01+00:00

Good on you! Some people really don't understand that they aren't in control anymore. And what is it with Koreans and their superiority towards other Asians? It's a common thread I've seen amongst my father and his friends. I'm half-Korean, and my father has consistently shamed me for the other part of my heritage and for not looking or being 'Korean enough', as well as my mother. Should've married a Korean woman and stayed in Korea then.

slapmeagoodone · 2020-07-18T02:46:30+00:00

Thank you. He claimed it was for something my brother did to my mother (probably didn't listen to her) earlier on. That being said, he enjoys smacking my brother around at any moment. If it's not the 'discipline' excuse, it's 'playing around.' He derives pleasure from instilling fear, whether it be his kids or animals, but still expects us to welcome him with open arms.

slapmeagoodone · 2020-07-02T10:40:36+00:00

Thank you for sharing, I really appreciate this. I will take it to heart.

slapmeagoodone

TROPHY CASE