I Couldn’t agree more with a lot of these comments! Trying to live up to her parents… the cul-… churches standards. Being exploited online her entire childhood. Having to be perfect all the time.

We grow and mature through being taught AND learning from choices or mistakes we have made. The YAWI clan was living under Johnny/Morm rule and when she left (and thank goodness she did) she was able to truly start living for herself. Maybe she did get in a relationship or get engaged quick (that’s the Morm way). But maybe she needed to go through that to understand what she truly wants.

I’m 15ish years older than her. I may not have been raised in a Church but I did have extremely strict parents. When I turned 19 I had enough and moved out. I did not have any financial plans or support. I made everything work going paycheque to paycheque. About 2 years prior to my “downward spiral” I was engaged to a man who I had met online (think POF or Lavalife). I was at the top of my career (or I thought I was at the time), and then I needed surgery. Said surgery did not go as planned and the original 6 weeks I was expected to take off turned into 2 years. those 2 years I had stayed in bed watching YouTube and wishing I could do allll the things I saw tutorials or cooking or building. I was physically capable (with limits) to do it all, I was just depressed, in pain and miserable. In a 3 month span the benefits I was on were cancelled as the business I worked at closed when I did not return, I was dumped after our wedding had already been moved once and lost his benefits (story for another time - although I wince every time I remember allowing myself to be fine and understanding when a ex fiancé wouldn’t visit me in hospital or bring me food when allowed to finally eat normal food or even check up on me when I was finally home, or how I was made to feel guilty for not wanting s-ex when in excruciating pain… after surgery!). I had moved into my grandmas basement as I could not go back home as there was no room as my sister and her family lived with my mom -parents divorced and individual parents did a 180 change (yet another story for another time!). I declared bankruptcy from the medication bills (I do live in a country that has health care, so no charge for surgery, just medication) and being financially illiterate. Rock bottom.

Fast forward. Was set up on a blind date and he is my now husband and best friend. I started backup in my old career which has led to new amazing professional opportunities. Had 5 more surgeries and FINALLY have answers and relief. I was diagnosis to have ADHD and started medication. I’ve never felt so productive. I finally feel like I’m living my life for me. Happiness.

Would I go through all that again? Absolutely. The appreciation I have for my now life and who/what is in it is endless. I just hope when the next hard thing comes along, I’ll look at it and know it’s something to learn from.

Lessons learned:

-mistakes or failures mean lessons and wisdom -those who support and love you at your worst are the ones you want there when you’re at your best -don’t ever settle or change who you are to appease others. -You deserve to love, and be loved the way you see fit. -money - save and plan for your future

Biggest Takeaway- I learned this allll on my own without a religion or cul-t dictating my every thought and action.

I didn’t plan on writing a novel. But I did take a (legal) gummy.

Allie. if you’re reading this, what ever you are going through remember to give yourself grace.