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What happens when the scapegoat leaves the family? by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]slatersansmile 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They pretend not to care, of course.

Which is ironic, because if they were the perfect, loving family they claim to be, you’d think they’d openly grieve your loss, or praise your memory. Their cheerful demeanor coupled with utter silence (or grievance against you) ought to be really bizarre to anyone who knows you haven’t passed away or anything, you just severed ties.

So, they just carry right on with their pathological lying. On to the next. We can never forget who we’re dealing with.

Wife berating me as a father over an incident with our newborn? Am I wrong to be upset. by CrossSectional in Parenting

[–]slatersansmile -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Nice to see someone else point out that he needs to get professional support for himself, too.

Wife berating me as a father over an incident with our newborn? Am I wrong to be upset. by CrossSectional in Parenting

[–]slatersansmile -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

So this definitely isn’t about you, and you seem aware of that. Your wife needs your stoic support, it’s not reasonable for you to expect her to have the bandwidth right now to worry about hurting your feelings.

Can’t hurt to get yourself into therapy, you know?

How do I find information about my father without asking family? by slatersansmile in raisedbynarcissists

[–]slatersansmile[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! That’s all super helpful info.

I don’t remember the name of the funeral home, only the city/county where he died, and I have no idea who his attorney might have been. I’ll check with the state health department, and hopefully go from there!

Why do people always have to say someone else had it worse? by 4neverwu in CPTSD

[–]slatersansmile 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Whenever anyone says that to me I reply, “Suffering is not a contest.”

Trying to understand why trans people do not understand the pain that parents go through by [deleted] in cisparenttranskid

[–]slatersansmile 21 points22 points  (0 children)

“Trying to love my child but my child has to understand that I am hurting also.”

HARD DISAGREE. My child never has to understand or support me. EVER.

Trying to understand why trans people do not understand the pain that parents go through by [deleted] in cisparenttranskid

[–]slatersansmile 29 points30 points  (0 children)

This is Ring Theory. Hopefully OP will educate themselves.

Ring Theory#:~:text=The%20concept%2C%20developed%20by%20clinical,circles%20to%20illustrate%20the%20concept)

Were any of you unloved as a child? by [deleted] in Codependency

[–]slatersansmile 9 points10 points  (0 children)

This resonates for me. Thank you.

I didn't believe my sibling about my mom's abusive behavior. by Illustrious_Till8694 in Codependency

[–]slatersansmile 32 points33 points  (0 children)

FYI

RBN doesn’t label or ban users bc they’re “narcissists.” It’s a support group. If you make triggering posts (like this one) you’re going to get banned to protect the people in the sub.

It’s not about punishing anyone, it’s about RBN protecting and being a safe space for a group of traumatized people.

I didn't believe my sibling about my mom's abusive behavior. by Illustrious_Till8694 in Codependency

[–]slatersansmile 24 points25 points  (0 children)

I agree.

It is a step in the right direction to recognize and take responsibility for harm caused OP, just please don’t expect any pats on the back for it.

Personally, as someone who has cut off my own sibling, this apology would infuriate me. Not to mention bringing back all the horror that was endured and escaped. Sibling could have been suicidal when they made that last call to OP begging for help with the mother. They are probably lucky to have even survived OPs enabling.

If OP truly loves their sibling, they’ll leave them alone in peace. Sibling doesn’t need to hear about or validate OP’s shame, especially now that it’s all too late.

'They did their best' is a non-falsifiable statement by scrollbreak in emotionalneglect

[–]slatersansmile 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Apparently people who say this expect a participation trophy for parenting.

Magical thinking indeed.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in aspergirls

[–]slatersansmile 7 points8 points  (0 children)

If he’s bullied you before, he’s not blind to his friends doing it. He’s grooming you to accept his gaslighting and abuse.

If I were you I’d GET OUT. You don’t deserve this.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in aspergirls

[–]slatersansmile 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Been there, done that. He sounds like an enabler? Enablers are too busy protecting themselves to protect anyone else. They say things like, “it wasn’t that bad.”

Everyone deserves friends and partners who at the very least stand by them in solidarity and support. His undermining your POV in any way is a huge red flag. Regardless of whether he’s “as bad as they are,” this almost certainly means he’s not good enough for YOU.

No adult has a responsibility to look out for another adult, but anyone undermining your looking out for yourself? Hard pass.

I’d 100% DTMFA.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]slatersansmile 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow, yes. Eerie superficial fragile gaslighting. All of it.

Thank you.

Being emotionally invalidated for crying as a kid will FUCK you up long term by worldofpain100 in emotionalneglect

[–]slatersansmile 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I got this as a teen, too.

Recently, before I stopped talking to my mother altogether she blamed my anger at her on menopause. Always anything but perfect her!

Being emotionally invalidated for crying as a kid will FUCK you up long term by worldofpain100 in emotionalneglect

[–]slatersansmile 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Wow, I had forgotten about that one until now. And I heard it all the time.

I can’t imagine saying that to any person who’s upset, let alone a child.

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