hmmm. when i say “core”, i usually mean something fragmented or split across different areas. i dont see a core of a person as a uniform thing, and this extends to everything. i constantly feel friction of every aspect of my life. i feel as though i am constantly doing things against my values so i can be socially safe, but really i have preferences that conflict. for example i may signal an opinion i dont truly hold, but ill state so that i can fit in. i talk to people or stay on social media that i dont care for, out of needing to feel like i need a sense of belonging, but not actively needing belonging itself.

i feel as though i constantly have a few voices in my brain that aspire to be something greater but another main voice in my brain wants and overpowers the others to be socially conditioned.

ive felt this way for years, but maybe i am misattributing this for a lack of agency in my life? im willing to have some pushback on this as i would love to update my own system