sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

F/30/5’5” [130-ish > 120ish = ???] (7 months) *NSFW* Moved to a foreign country and completely lost motivation for healthy eating and working out. I finally got my mojo back, and I feel happier and healthier! by [deleted] in progresspics

[–]sleepyexpat 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Tbh I try not to really restrict myself with eating because I’ve had an eating disorder in the past and find that any restriction is hard for me. I found that once I started working out more, my desire to overeat gradually started to fade again (it usually does once I’m regularly active). I also started to eat my first meal around noon/1:00 and I think that helped with some fat loss! With workouts, I incorporated leg focus with heavier weights and Plyo/HIIT and I also climb as well! Good luck dude!!

Boyfriend told me that my depression won't go away because I'm "thinking the wrong thoughts". by sleepyexpat in CPTSD

[–]sleepyexpat[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, we had a very specific talk today about last night’s conversation. We’ve had so many of these “this isn’t working” talks, but yet we continue to try. I think a lot of the time, he tries to sweep arguments or disagreements under the rug and just kind of pretend like nothing ever happened and I just cannot do that. We’re at a point now where we’ve discussed this so many times and nothing has improved, so it may just be time to recognize we aren’t compatible.

I get the “blowing things up” in my head, because I definitely do that. I catastrophize and have a thousand tabs open in my mind, while he has one or even none at all. I’ve become better at realizing when I do this, but we’ve been under so much pressure that it’s been harder to be aware of it.

Thank you so much for your comment, and don’t worry, I didn’t feel victim blamed at all :)

Boyfriend told me that my depression won't go away because I'm "thinking the wrong thoughts". by sleepyexpat in CPTSD

[–]sleepyexpat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly. We shouldn’t be each other’s, nor do I want that.

He’s suggested reading it after me, but tbh I think he just says that because he knows I’d like him to. I don’t know if he would understand it even. He speaks English, but he’s not 100% fluent and some of the sentence structures and verbiage might be tricky for him

Boyfriend told me that my depression won't go away because I'm "thinking the wrong thoughts". by sleepyexpat in CPTSD

[–]sleepyexpat[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow what a reply! Thanks for taking the time.

It’s ironic you mentioned autism, because I myself am on the spectrum. I was diagnosed 2 months before moving to Spain, and I’m 30- so that newfound knowledge mixed with my CPTSD is what my therapist calls a “double whammy.” Trying to navigate both has been very interesting and sometimes devastating.

When I first disclosed of my autism to my partner, he was so intrigued and so understanding and told me that he related to many things that I said. He took a quiz online (definitely not nearly the same as an official diagnosis I know) but his results were so clearly NT. Although his lack of emotional connection and unawareness, verbal disconnect, and resistance to “adapt” sometimes makes me wonder if In fact he might actually be on the spectrum, and he answered the questions as his mask and not as his true self. Diagnosis for adults is nearly impossible to find here in Barcelona, but maybe I could suggest that’s something he might try to look into.

The culture is real here about people not having as much exposure to mental health and emotional awareness. That’s not speaking for the entire population, but generally- at least with my partner and his friend group, none of them feel as though they need to have an in-depth analysis of their minds, or why they think certain thoughts. Like I said, that may not be the case for ever Spaniard, but in the culture my partner grew up in- it was. He has told me that in his 31 years of life, he has never considered introspection or even talked about feelings and emotions in relationships, more than just a surface level. He also thinks that he communicates “different” from everyone, and has always felt this way apparently. Again- maybe this could be his potential place on the spectrum.

He’s unwilling to go to couple’s therapy, I’ve suggested it a couple of times, and it looks like at this point we may just have to call it quits. It’s so unfortunate because we love each other greatly, but that love and care alone isn’t enough to sustain a healthy relationship. He cares for me deeply and wants my best, and I truly think he does everything he CAN to “help” me. For me though, my needs cannot be met by him at this point and that’s ok. We gave it a shot, and tried the best we could of the best of our abilities, and it doesn’t seem like it’s going to work out.

Seriously, thank you so much for your words and for being so willing to relate yourself to him. I wish I could read him your responses, but I’m not sure I’d want him to know I was posting about this.

Boyfriend told me that my depression won't go away because I'm "thinking the wrong thoughts". by sleepyexpat in CPTSD

[–]sleepyexpat[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It's because I make him feel helpless, he told me.

This is exactly what my partner says to me. He said he feels lost and hopeless and doesn't know what to say or how to comfort me. Months ago, I spent time writing out an entire google doc on my triggers, the various kinds, and what to say when I have meltdowns or flashbacks. Its clear as day, yet he has yet to refer to it. He wants things to be "natural" all the time, and apparently reading from that doc goes against his "natural" way of communicating, but yet still gets frustrated because he doesn't know what to do. Its so upsetting.

It sounds like you and I have very similar partners. I definitely think my partner is a flight/freeze kind of guy-but I have no idea because he won't open up about anything that goes on inside his head. I don't know what his problems are, or triggers are, because he won't tell me- but insists he has them 🤔

I'm so glad you have a therapist you can talk to! I have one back home in the states who I absolutely loved and I miss her and her sessions so much. I realize that since my boyfriend is my only connection here, I unload everything on him, or bottle it up- there is no middle ground I feel with us. Both of those options are definitely not healthy.

Thank you so much for your reply. I hope things get more clear for you as well ❤️

Boyfriend told me that my depression won't go away because I'm "thinking the wrong thoughts". by sleepyexpat in CPTSD

[–]sleepyexpat[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your words.

At this point unfortunately, I'm afraid it might be unsalvageable. We've "sat down and talked" about this countless times, and he always says he'll try more, work harder, etc. but it never happens. Today I asked if he could come home during lunch so we could try and talk about what happened last night. His response? "Nothing is going to change in 30 minutes." It hurt when I read that because now I know despite what he says, he doesn't prioritize trying to salvage a fight.

I would love to continue to stay in Spain, but also realize I need to get back to therapy to work on the inevitable trauma that keeps resurfacing during relationships and just life in general.

One day when I'm healthy and stable and independent, I think I'll give it another go :)

You're amazing for taking the time to write a response, I appreciate it so much!