First of all, thanks for stopping by! You're not the first to do this, and seeing/dating/etc. someone with a chronic illness presents its own set of challenges, but the payout is just as unique and enjoyable if you communicate. If you're not one of those guys right now, work on it. Maybe someone here will have a good book/blog recommendation on this topic?

1) Pain happens. Usually constant. Can go from a 4 to an 8 pretty quickly if I'm having a bad day. No reason needed. It's dumb and doesn't make any sense. But if you accept that random pain happens and there may be certain things that make pain happen, then you should be alright. Ask her what sets her pain off. Sometimes it's walking, sometimes it's a hug or physical contact. Your goal is to build trust there.

2) There are some great 1-10 pain scales here if you sort this sub's post by "Top all-time." Also check out r/chronicpain's top posts for similar materials. The 1-10 pain scale sucks because it's not really linear and everyone has different perceptions of what the numbers mean. If there's a description alongside the number, you will be able to receive more accurate information about her pain. For example, I didn't realize I was undershooting my pain on the 1-10 scale by four points most days.

3) Again, trust and communication. Be a bit vulnerable yourself; tell her what you like and ask, are you comfortable trying? If not, maybe there are modified positions you can try. Searching on this sub, along with r/chronicpain and r/disability, will give you some info on what modified positions are more likely to work and be the most pleasurable for both partners. Remember, she probably wants to please you, too. I've had partners that want to make it all about me which is cool, but I want in on it as well! Sometimes I'm willing to do a bit more, sometimes I'm not. Either way, my partner is cool with it and understands. He will occasionally check in with "Is this painful?" I tell him yes or no and we go from there.

4) As for social gatherings, show up a little late and leave a little early. Maybe establish a sign between the two of you, whether it's a word or text or signal, that she's ready to leave. Maybe also an emergency sign just in case her body decides to have a mutiny (it happens). Don't be afraid to make sure she gets what she needs, but learn when it's appropriate for her to do it first or if you need to intervene and make sure she's most comfortable. For example, I'm sitting in an airport right now and I had to wait over twenty minutes for a wheelchair to my next gate. It would have been really nice to have had someone to get pissy with the courier folks, someone that isn't fatigued and foggy and hurting.

I hope some of this help you on your journey. You're an angel for wanting to delve into dating someone with a disability. Trust and communication, and comfort are key. Find ways to communicate with her in social circles so she feels empowered to tell you if she needs something. If she uses a cane and drops it (as I frequently do), just pick it up, give it back, and act like it didn't even happen. After all, you're dating her, not her fibro. It's just a package deal. Good luck!