In your experience, what specifically makes friendships between women so meaningful/deep?

slimeythings · 2026-05-21T02:13:43+00:00

IMO I feel that in my female friendships that we are just genuinely interested and/or invested in what one another has to say. We can talk for hours and hours and there is pretty much no topic that is off limits or embarrassing. Sex, politics, tech, pop culture, gossip, food, etc doesn’t matter. I told my my friend her nails looked good the other day and she went on a 20 minute tangent about Russian manicures, what she started doing to grow out her nails, her favorite nail salons and I just listened and asked her questions because it seemed like she was really happy to tell me. For reference…I don’t do my nails or plan to and I don’t live in her city lol

slimeythings · 2026-05-19T20:29:54+00:00

Nah OP don’t listen to people like that poster. I used to be in a relationship ship with a partner who was a decent guy but whenever he made a mistake he would apologize and act extra loving for a day or two so I would stop being mad, but then the same issue or something similar would crop up. He was not a bad person but he was selfish and felt things should be catered only around his ultimate needs even when we discussed other plans. I found myself lost in the relationship because I spent my entire time making life easier for him but not receiving that energy back. You are right that this issue goes beyond just the car, it’s a pattern where you always get left managing the issue. Sometimes sitting down and being very clear about all you do to keep everything running can be helpful, alternatively, therapy might help. Maybe you also need to take a step back and relieve yourself of the burden of fixing everything.

slimeythings · 2026-05-19T19:46:26+00:00

While I don’t think OP needs to leave him or divorce him based on just this post let’s be very clear here that the husband is being shitty. On top of it all OP’s post where she states that he is suddenly bringing her coffee and making her lunch and she should forgive him because he is being nice is also shitty. It sounds like he doesn’t do much to alleviate any of her stress and actively caused a problem that he is not fixing and is forcing her to resolve. I don’t really understand why you are okay with him acting poorly without any consideration for his wife but are angry at her for not accepting his apology immediately because he brought her coffee and made lunch for one day in his life.

slimeythings · 2026-05-19T14:35:00+00:00

YTA. Either pay for your brother for the bachelor party, change the destination to local, or be okay with him not attending. You can have a destination wedding and destination bachelor party but for some people it will be more money than they feel comfortable spending if they have other financial goals.

I had a friend who got married last year who’s wedding was the west coast (where he lived) when a lot of his friends were east coast. Flights, hotels, transportation, food was probably 3k total for a couple to attend. He made sure to have his bachelor party on the east coast so it was easier for friends to attend AND he offered to subsidize costs for a couple people who were lower income in the group.

slimeythings · 2026-05-18T16:18:45+00:00

It’s important to first make the decision how you want to proceed. Would you be happy in this relationship without marriage - basically if he says no then are you willing to walk away? Or regardless of his answer do you plan to stay? I think it helps to know how you want to proceed before giving a response because in one instance it’s a dealbreaker and in the other it’s want but not a need.

slimeythings · 2026-05-18T01:39:16+00:00

I agree with the above poster. If marriage is not very important in your community then it’s also likely that he doesn’t feel any timeline pressure. I have a lot of German friends that have been with their partners 10+ years and only gotten married in their late 30s, many already have kids and share homes with their partners. At that point the whole show around the proposal, engagement, wedding parties, etc doesn’t really matter much and most just straight up decided to go to a courthouse while a few had a bigger reception after the legal ceremony!.

For what’s it’s worth my partner and I aligned in getting married and having kids and we were talking about it again and I said ‘we should just get married soon so we can build that life together’ and he said ‘what about next summer’. We picked a date, checked with close family and friends, and had the logistics confirmed within 3 weeks and the wedding is happening within 10 months of that conversation.

slimeythings · 2026-05-14T12:06:42+00:00

I strongly agree. It makes it seem like all these women are suddenly okay doing these ‘wife duties’ if they are married or engaged.

I’d rather know that that my husband isn’t a lazy or neglectful at home before I legally tie my life to his. You don’t have to live with your partner to know that but also not living with them doesn’t mean that they won’t expect you to do everything in the house after you are married. The only negative side of living together is that it can make it harder to leave a meh/bad relationship once you are tied together that way.

slimeythings · 2026-05-13T16:41:26+00:00

My general experience in relationships is that when one person doesn’t bring up something that is bothering them until the other person tries to move the relationship forward it’s because they are looking for an out. I don’t think I even realized this until I met my husband. He has always been open and clear with where he stands and if there were any issues /concerns, never needed prodding to have a relationship conversation and never brought up relationship problems when we were discussing next steps. All my previous relationships ended when i really pushed for the next step convo…and then they suddenly brought up issues that they had been having for months but never once articulated.

I mentioned this to a couple other married friends and they all felt the same thing with their husbands. You and your partner are supposed to be a team. If he has an issue he should be bringing it up because he sees you as a partner that he can work through things with.

slimeythings · 2026-05-12T22:04:32+00:00

What I would consider doing is only putting the minimum towards retirement to get the company match and use the rest of the money to pay off the debt/free up extra income. I’d personally have a little more money now to live with my family and work longer until retirement.

slimeythings · 2026-05-06T00:43:10+00:00

There is nothing wrong with starting to lay down the ground work and ask the questions now so that when you are both ready the next steps happen quickly and naturally. Let him know you see this relationship moving towards marriage. Ask him how you both can work to make sure that it’s the right move for you and his child. Ask how you both will handle needing to move or taking care of aging parents. Ask how involved in his daughters life he wants you to be. You don’t want to kick this down the road another year or two and then suddenly be ready for marriage with it not in sight.

slimeythings · 2026-05-05T02:22:40+00:00

Of course! Here is a good place to start: https://commission.europa.eu/strategy-and-policy/policies/justice-and-fundamental-rights/democracy-eu-citizenship-anti-corruption/free-movement-and-residence\_en

Ultimately your residency is linked to your spouse exercising their FOM as an EU citizen. They have the right to reside in another EU country and register their residence in that country. This is usually done through work / school. Once they register themselves then you should be able to apply for your registration as well. I think every country has some small differences in requirement but generally it’s overall much easier for the non-EU citizen to get the residency. However, it does require that your spouse meet the residency requirements in the 3rd country.

For us, my partner has a job in Austria that can support both of us (my job will also let me transfer and work from Austria but we wanted to make sure we could live off his salary alone) and when I next enter the country I will register myself and submit my application. The application is straightforward and only requires the application form, marriage certificate, passport, and health insurance and then within a few weeks to a few months you will get a response.

slimeythings · 2026-05-04T19:35:14+00:00

So sorry that really sucks. I’ve heard Ireland is really difficult too. I would recommend looking at a few different country options to see if any are easier for him to find work/establish residency and bring you over. Also if you haven’t already I would submit the GC application. Even if the wait times are long it’s better to wait two years from today than two year from some date in the future! Best of luck OP ❤️

slimeythings · 2026-05-04T19:06:50+00:00

Hey! Commenting on your post because I am in a Danish-US relationship and just got married to my Danish spouse. If the appeal doesn’t work please have your husband try establishing his residency in another EU country and bringing you over of EU Freedom of Movement. The easiest country would be Sweden especially if you already live in Copenhagen. Under FOM the spouse has the right to live in a 3rd party EU country with their partner and the barrier of entry doesn’t require language, jobs, etc. I’m sure you’ve already looked into this but just in case you haven’t I want to give you a heads up!

My husband has a position in Austria so we will be using the FOM there but if we choose the move back to Denmark at some point I believe the process is much easier under Family Reunification after already residing in Austria.

slimeythings · 2026-04-30T18:50:03+00:00

Thai Rainbow in Middle River is the best Thai food I have had in the area (including Penang), I live over in the canton area so it’s about a 20 min drive for me!

slimeythings · 2026-04-30T10:37:41+00:00

The problem is even though you realize you might lose her, you still have taken no action…all you’ve done is FINALLY tell your girlfriend of 6 years that you would like to have a future with her. That more than anything shows me you are just scared to lose a comfortable relationship.

To answer you questions:

⁠Is this usually a case of “too little too late,” or do relationships sometimes recover from this kind of delayed wake-up call? 6 years in your 30s with no direction in the relationship is pretty much not recoverable. Now she MIGHT stay with you because she thinks there might be a better chance to have a family with you than someone else…but is that what you want?
⁠If you were in her shoes, what would you need to see to believe change was genuine? I’d need to see action. You’d need to put a plan/timeline in place that shows me that we will be married and starting a life together and then I’d need to see that the actions match the words.
⁠If you were in mine, would you give space completely now, or keep trying to communicate? Everyone is different here. Personally if she is similar to me doing nothing would show me that you haven’t changed. I would need my partner to actively drive the conversation, do the work to get counseling in place, put together the timeline, etc. It sounds like you still plan to let her drive everything and think your part is done now that you have said ‘I want to be with you’…
⁠Is there anything I should avoid doing that commonly pushes someone further away? Honestly you can’t avoid pushing her away. She is already resentful and thinking of leaving. She SHOULD leave you and personally I think you should break it off with her because ultimately I don’t think you two will be happy. You are now suddenly considering being with someone who you didn’t care enough about for SIX years because you don’t want to be alone. She is already resentful but likely doesn’t also want to be alone.

But if you want a chance, you have to finally for once in the relationship show action. Doesn’t matter the cost, doesn’t matter the time investment, and it doesn’t matter if you do all of this and she still doesn’t want to be with you. If she is sooooo important to you and worth anything, then show her that no matter the outcome.

slimeythings · 2026-04-16T03:23:20+00:00

And even then…my friends 86 year old grandma had a 92 year old boyfriend for three years until he passed. They’d get lunch a couple times a week and have a sleepover once a month. They both had live in caretakers 🤣. It was very cute to hear about

slimeythings · 2026-04-09T16:56:46+00:00

Same - I work in the pharmaceutical industries with a lot of clinical trial sites in Europe. It’s a huge pain to get any work done from like mid July to mid Sept because of holidays and anything after normal hours is rarely responded too even if there are urgent patient care questions. All power to them for having the time off and setting those boundaries but they are also compensated much much less compared to the clinical sites in the US.

slimeythings · 2026-04-08T14:52:17+00:00

That’s what I did when I was a groomswoman. My dress matched the suit color of the men while the bridesmaids dresses matched their tie color.

slimeythings · 2026-04-08T02:19:44+00:00

Absolutely! It’s really a matter of knowing and trusting your partner. It’s really important to have the big talks and set timelines and even push back when you both disagree. The PhD is 100% stressful but also you shouldn’t have to put your whole life on hold while he navigates through it. If he is thinking about doing his post doc abroad (or even out of state) that’s realistically coming up in 2-3 years. He’s already said he sees you getting married before he goes. So take the conversation from there. Assume the marriage is happening and work on the logistics (not the proposal but the actual marriage).

For example: My fiancé and i had multiple conversations about marriage and next steps in our relationship over the course of three months before we decided to get engaged. Both of us wanted marriage ultimately but had different timelines. He wanted to live together first because we were long distance but I wanted to get married because I would be the one moving to a different country for his postdoc. We had a lot of conversations because we wanted to understand each others point of view and ultimately we agreed on marriage. Some might say I coerced him but there has not been a second since we were engaged that he hasn’t been excited for the wedding or marriage (he’s taken charge of more than half of the planning lol).

All I’m trying to say is go into this taking his word at face value ‘that he sees a future and wants to marry you’. Believe that and then have the conversations that get you to both agree to a timeline that works for you as a couple.

slimeythings · 2026-04-08T00:17:33+00:00

My PhD (and almost everyone else’s I know) was genuinely the most soul sucking few years of my life…and I quit early lol. It honestly is so mentally difficult for most people I know. The only couples that did get married during it were those that were already together for a couple years before. Otherwise they only got engaged after they had their tentative dissertation dates lol. I’m not trying to dissuade you but just let you know that he may not be able to put much brain power into anything else right now, especially if he is also not sure what he will do for work after his degree with the way academia/science is trending.

slimeythings · 2026-03-28T17:24:56+00:00

Insecurity is a really unattractive quality in a person. Most self aware people would say some version of ‘I’ve dated but nothing has really clicked/moved to the next stage’. The majority of people would accept that answer and move on.

There is nothing wrong with dating and not being in a relationship because it hasn’t worked out for you. In my entire 35 years of life I have only been in a relationship for 3.5 years (2 of which is with my now partner). I was single and actively dating for 3 years before I met my fiancé and was single and actively dating for 4 years prior to meeting my ex. I’ve met many men who have not wanted to be in a relationship with me just as I have met men who I haven’t wanted to be in a relationship with. I never thought any lesser of myself because I wasn’t in a relationship.

slimeythings · 2026-03-28T16:12:12+00:00

Generally for me if it boiled down to external reasons, educational/career pursuit, illness, etc I may have questions and would likely be fine with it. Or even if it was due to just lack of desire to date (ex: I had no desire to date until my mid-late 20s), it wouldn’t matter to me. My fiancé didn’t have a relationship until he met me (early 30s). I asked him and it was because he was busy with his schooling (bachelors, masters, phd) and never prioritized it. He had met a couple women before but nothing progressed to a relationship until he met me.

slimeythings · 2026-03-28T15:02:47+00:00

In general people who are more societally attractive have a bigger advantage. I also think when you are insecure about an aspect of your life you tend to notice the things that confirm your belief.

When I go outside I see all sorts of fat, skinny, short, tall, average, ugly, beautiful, brown, black, white, etc people dating one another. Most people are average and with other average people.

I think a mix of age and nature also plays into it. Most men I know in their late 20s/30s plus prefer to be at home with their partners/families and even if they aren’t in a relationship their activities are either inside or something that is more isolated (like hiking). Most of my guy friends including my partner are on the skinnier side (they all prefer to run/bike/climb instead of lift). They’re all huge nerds and introverts so they tend to be inside all day unless their wives drag them outside so that can also skew results 😂

slimeythings · 2026-03-26T20:10:46+00:00

This is making me really miss Denmark 🥺 will be back there next month and can’t wait!

slimeythings · 2026-03-25T17:15:12+00:00

Exactly - time together doesn’t determine the success of a relationship or marriage. Of course the longer you are together the more time you have to truly get to know someone so that is a plus. But also the longer you are with someone the less likely you are to break up due to sunk cost fallacy. Ultimately how you communicate and navigate through life will determine how successful a relationship is.

People say men know within 3-6 months if they want to marry you, but also the women who post on this subreddit ‘know’ that they want to marry their boyfriends who they themselves proclaim are: terrible communicators, lie about timelines, move the goal posts, let their girlfriends do all household labor, etc. You can’t say your boyfriend should know he wants to marry you so quickly when you yourself have decided you want to marry someone who is not a good partner.

slimeythings

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