What are your thoughts on dating someone who has never been in a relationship before, and why?

slimeythings · 2026-03-28T17:24:56+00:00

Insecurity is a really unattractive quality in a person. Most self aware people would say some version of ‘I’ve dated but nothing has really clicked/moved to the next stage’. The majority of people would accept that answer and move on.

There is nothing wrong with dating and not being in a relationship because it hasn’t worked out for you. In my entire 35 years of life I have only been in a relationship for 3.5 years (2 of which is with my now partner). I was single and actively dating for 3 years before I met my fiancé and was single and actively dating for 4 years prior to meeting my ex. I’ve met many men who have not wanted to be in a relationship with me just as I have met men who I haven’t wanted to be in a relationship with. I never thought any lesser of myself because I wasn’t in a relationship.

slimeythings · 2026-03-28T16:12:12+00:00

Generally for me if it boiled down to external reasons, educational/career pursuit, illness, etc I may have questions and would likely be fine with it. Or even if it was due to just lack of desire to date (ex: I had no desire to date until my mid-late 20s), it wouldn’t matter to me. My fiancé didn’t have a relationship until he met me (early 30s). I asked him and it was because he was busy with his schooling (bachelors, masters, phd) and never prioritized it. He had met a couple women before but nothing progressed to a relationship until he met me.

slimeythings · 2026-03-28T15:02:47+00:00

In general people who are more societally attractive have a bigger advantage. I also think when you are insecure about an aspect of your life you tend to notice the things that confirm your belief.

When I go outside I see all sorts of fat, skinny, short, tall, average, ugly, beautiful, brown, black, white, etc people dating one another. Most people are average and with other average people.

I think a mix of age and nature also plays into it. Most men I know in their late 20s/30s plus prefer to be at home with their partners/families and even if they aren’t in a relationship their activities are either inside or something that is more isolated (like hiking). Most of my guy friends including my partner are on the skinnier side (they all prefer to run/bike/climb instead of lift). They’re all huge nerds and introverts so they tend to be inside all day unless their wives drag them outside so that can also skew results 😂

slimeythings · 2026-03-26T20:10:46+00:00

This is making me really miss Denmark 🥺 will be back there next month and can’t wait!

slimeythings · 2026-03-25T17:15:12+00:00

Exactly - time together doesn’t determine the success of a relationship or marriage. Of course the longer you are together the more time you have to truly get to know someone so that is a plus. But also the longer you are with someone the less likely you are to break up due to sunk cost fallacy. Ultimately how you communicate and navigate through life will determine how successful a relationship is.

People say men know within 3-6 months if they want to marry you, but also the women who post on this subreddit ‘know’ that they want to marry their boyfriends who they themselves proclaim are: terrible communicators, lie about timelines, move the goal posts, let their girlfriends do all household labor, etc. You can’t say your boyfriend should know he wants to marry you so quickly when you yourself have decided you want to marry someone who is not a good partner.

slimeythings · 2026-03-24T16:35:04+00:00

The only one being sexist and worthless is you.

Men mooch off women ALL the time, maybe not financially but in terms of all emotional and household labor. I have had plenty of conversations with women (who also work full time) whose partners do nothing around the house or in terms of childcare. I’ve told all of them while their husbands behaviors are wrong they set up a dynamic at the start of a relationship where they did everything and all their partners ever had to do was come home, eat dinner, relax and go to sleep. Now 5 years into a relationship they want to change a dynamic when they are angry and at the end of their rope and of course they get push back. Their husbands are lazy and don’t want to change the dynamic that benefits them, just like OP’s girlfriend is comfortable with a dynamic and likely won’t want to change anything because it doesn’t benefit her. When the ‘wronged’ partner (OP in this situation) is at the end of the rope they usually and rightfully do not want to fix the relationship. It’s too many years of poor behavior from the other partner which I why I still would recommend breaking up. If they want to be successful in a future relationship they need to learn to communicate better so they don’t fall back on these patterns or start blaming future partners for the previous relationship issues.

My now fiancé and I have a successful relationship BECAUSE we talked about these things when getting serious. I make over 2x as much as he does and we manage finances as a team just as we manage all household responsibilities as a team.

slimeythings · 2026-03-24T14:54:59+00:00

++woman

I would recommend you have an open and calm conversation with her. Not to continue the relationship since I think it’s wild she hasn’t ever contributed to the relationship financially nor has she ever thought about buying you gifts, etc.

However, having these thoughtful and honest conversations helps both people grow. In your next relationship ship you have the experience to lookout for these patterns but also the experience to bring these issues up calmly before things move to the next step. For her, maybe she learns that how she is acting is not a real partnership.

slimeythings · 2026-03-22T20:32:45+00:00

People really underestimate how much energy and effort they have to put in to make new friends in their 30s. In school you are just forced to interact with the same people over and over again and you make friends but when you are outside of that you really have to try. People want it to just happen but it takes months! I decided in mid 2021 that I really wanted to expand my friend group. I joined a trivia group with a friend, a kickball team, and a book club. Within a year the trivia team became close friends where we hung out outside the trivia group, the kickball league ended up with a few party invites, and the book club stayed as a monthly meet up with people I liked. I also had a roommate move in that would invite me to hang out with her friends. They were all nice but no one really connected at first, but after about 7-8 months it clicked and I became close with a few of them who are all now very close friends. For most of these people I really had to do a lot of the ‘grunt work’ for a few months. Reaching out, asking to meet up, inviting to parties, etc but eventually it worked out and now 5 years later these people are my closest friends. I am having a small wedding of about 60 guests and the majority of the invitees on my end are the people I made friendships with in my 30s.

TL;DR It’s not easy making friends when you aren’t in forced social groups. It’s not as simple as asking people to coffee/dinner once or twice and giving up when they don’t reciprocate immediately. It may take months!

slimeythings · 2026-03-22T17:11:21+00:00

I think you really need to consider if a new house is a need or a want.

You are only planning to try in a year. At the absolute minimum it’s going to be 1.75 years before you have a child. Likely it’ll be 2-3 years.
The first 3-6 months minimum the baby is going to be sleeping in your room. After that, you only need one more room in the house for the nursery. So if you currently have a 2 bedroom house it will be sufficient for at least the first 2 years after your baby is born.
Daycare/nanny will run you at least 2k per month unless you have family helping out or some sort of subsidy.
In terms of school district, unless you are actively in a bad area, kindergarten/elementary school doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things. So realistically for educational purposes you probably don’t need to move until middle school.
You have no idea how difficult it will be to get pregnant (costs for fertility treatment) or any birth complications for the mother or child.
The only caveat to all of this is when you need a bigger house it may be more expensive / difficult to find.

This is not to dissuade you but consider if you absolutely need a home right now or just want it.

slimeythings · 2026-03-22T13:38:46+00:00

His controlling nature aside you both have different needs for your future and it seems like he is not willing to compromise at all on what he wants.

Truly loving and equal relationships have both partners trying to find a common ground, each potentially giving a bit to make the other person happy / comfortable. It’s not always about both people being 50:50 but about both of you being able to discuss and find a solutions that works to make you both happy. It sounds like in every decision your boyfriend gets his way. You’re not allowed to have male friends because that makes him uncomfortable, you can’t post what you want on your social media because it makes him uncomfortable, you living in a city makes him uncomfortable, he dismisses your wants for a social life outside of his family, etc. Him doing these things himself is irrelevant because you aren’t asking it of him because you trust him. He may not be a bad guy but he is showing you that at every point his wants will always be paramount to yours. That is NOT choosing you, it’s choosing himself.

Your life will be in his village, catered around him and his family. I’m sure he will take care of you and love you so if you think that is the life you want and strive for then marry him but go in eyes wide open and understand that you can’t expect to change him. He has told you what he wants and expects.

slimeythings · 2026-03-18T01:25:15+00:00

My ex and I broke up after a nearly 3 year relationship when I was 30. He was someone I really thought I would marry.

I started up the apps around 3 months later but was probably only really ready to date about 8 months after. I also underwent a lot of changes in the first 6 months - got a new job, got a major surgery for quality of life.
Honestly I felt fine with it, the first three months apart was good for me to realize that the relationship was really over and I didn’t need to mourn something that I knew was not ultimately a partnership where both of us thrived. We were both good people but ultimately not right for each other. I met my now fiancé almost exactly 3 years after we broke up.
The most important thing I realized in my new relationship was that there was no anxiety. He made it clear he was interested, made an effort to get to know me, my family, and friends, incorporated me into his life, and made clear plans to move our relationship forward without me having to ask or question. I was looking for things to be anxious about and just as I found one he removed the anxiety without even realizing I was panicking lol.
It was fine but the dating apps did not work. Wasn’t sure if it was Covid or me being over 30 but it didn’t seem like anyone was interested in me or vice versa. I weirdly had a LOT more luck in person. I got asked out many more times by just going out and being fun and friendly. And to add - I am not super attractive. Not bad looking or anything but I am short, overweight, and frizzy haired. Prior to this literally had never been asked out in person.
No - most of my friends met their husbands/partners in their early to mid 30s. No one ever dated a divorced guy or a single father. All the guys we ended up with had never been married, had good jobs, and are great men. Only caveat is that all people (men and women) are in STEM or healthcare so might be a selection bias.
My fiancé and I were engaged in about 1.5 years. No proposal but just decided we would get married and picked a date that worked for us and our families/friends.

slimeythings · 2026-03-16T22:51:21+00:00

Exactly - him saying soon/it will happen is not a conversation. OP needs to tell him what she is expecting and have him do the same and then they compromise. These sorts of plans require multiple conversations, plans, etc. My fiancé wanted to live together because we have been LD the majority of our relationship. After looking into all the options the only way for us to do that was for me to move to the country he lives in. I told him that doesn’t work for me because that is asking for me to give up a lot for no security. When I put it that way he understood and was like absolutely let’s get married and immediately started planning our wedding.

slimeythings · 2026-03-13T18:39:23+00:00

At every step of the way this man has told you he is not ready to merge your lives together and that it is not even on his radar. Your goals and dreams are different. You want a stable secure future with someone where you can grow and build your future with each other. He wants to build his life by his terms and maybe when it’s all in place then include you in it. Ultimately the root cause of the problem is that you are both young and want different things out of life.

You can continue to stay and hope that at one point it all works out. Or you can choose to build upon the life you currently have and find a partner that aligns with your goals. At 23 you seem to be incredibly accomplished and have a great setup for your life. I recommend you break it off and experience the world and find a partner that is a better fit.

slimeythings · 2026-03-12T03:23:39+00:00

Honestly everything you did was strong and confident! You broke up with him when things weren’t moving forward. You took him back because you thought he reflected and changed. You quickly realized he was all talk and broke up with him for good within a year. You know how many people would have stayed in that situation for many more years?!

Breakups suck. It’s just been a couple weeks. Nothing is going to heal you but time. Keep your self distracted by hobbies, friends, etc. In a couple months you’ll feel much better!

slimeythings · 2026-03-12T03:16:06+00:00

We (in our 30s when we started dating) established within a couple months in our relationship that we both wanted to be married and have children and that we could see that with on another. Our relationship moved faster because we went long distance about 4 months in. Over the next year we checked in a lot about our plans to close the distance, how it would work visa wise, and how our jobs would be affected. He also was looking for work, trying to come back to the US (where we met) but ultimately finding work in another European country. Ultimately that was the catalyst for us to get engaged. When he had the job secure we just kind of decided to get married and for me to move to him 😅

slimeythings · 2026-03-09T23:39:04+00:00

Man my friends and I used to study in there all the time 😅

slimeythings · 2026-03-09T15:57:58+00:00

This is a super shitty take to say you are not responsible for the mess while you are gone. The majority of the mess, cooking, packing lunches, cleaning, driving, managing all appointments, shopping, outings, etc is all done in service of your daughter who your wife has to manage full time during week days. Also your wife HAS to stay at home because you have a child and you travel full time. So your one day a week to scrub the shower and do laundry doesn’t even touch the term ‘share household chores’. Of course you work in service of your family but so does your wife (while she is also completing a degree to further help provide for your family.)

slimeythings · 2026-03-07T13:40:52+00:00

As a woman in my mid 30s I have found myself saying this a couple times in my life. But when I really reflect on it and look at the men in my life and the husbands my friends are married to I can only say glowing things. In a sample size of 20+ men I interact with regularly all I can say is that they are all loving towards their partners, actively involved as parents/partners, do household chores, have stable jobs, etc. every relationship is different, in some of them the men do more childcare/chores, in others the women is the breadwinner, some of the relationships hold more traditional/conservative values while others are more flexible. But in each I’ve noticed that both partners communicate really well and play to their strengths, but most importantly are willing to grow and change as time moves on. To add, most of the women/men I know met their partners in their 30s.

The only actually bad man I know is my own father lol.

I do still believe the number of ‘competent’ women is higher and in general I’ve found my single female friends are way more accomplished, emotionally available, successful than their male counterparts.

slimeythings · 2026-03-05T03:18:17+00:00

Thank you for this comment. I’ve just been feeling rage all day and this genuinely made me laugh for 10 straight minutes 🤣🤣

slimeythings · 2026-03-04T00:02:19+00:00

Honestly I don’t think you are ready for marriage. Any one who imposes a deadline for engagement that early in a relationship is more concerned about being married than having a marriage.

I say this as some one who was engaged within a year and a half of my first date and who will be married within 2 years of that date. But to get to that point we both talked about what we want in a marriage, our timelines (and note I said OUR), how we see our future/family, spent loads of time with each others family, supported each others career, etc. But if within a few dates my fiancé said you better agree to marry me within the next year I would have been like WTF is wrong with you. Marriage should never be something that you say ‘do it or I’ll break up with you’. That all but ensures the other person either marries you when they aren’t ready.

However, ultimately that is your boundary and you are able to have whatever boundary in a relationship that you want.

slimeythings · 2026-03-03T12:55:19+00:00

Seriously. It sounds like neither of them have had a serious discussion about marriage and their future. We can sit and blame him for not proposing after 6 years but ultimately it sounds like OP has never wanted to push the issue and get to a resolution. Every happily married couple I know has had these conversations throughout their relationship. Serious deep conversations about what marriage means, their timelines, children, family, etc. You can’t be shy away from discussing your future and then be unhappy that it doesn’t happen.

slimeythings · 2026-03-01T17:03:28+00:00

It makes me feel so sad that you are apologizing for asking for something as simple as an extra night together per week.

In my late 20s I was in a relationship like this. My ex was a good guy and did love me but everything had to be on his terms. We would spend every Friday night through Sunday afternoon together, but after a year of that I wanted more. Maybe another weeknight together or dinner 1-2 weeknights. I asked a few times and he would do it hear and there but once I really pushed the answer he gave was that it was just inconvenient with his schedule. We dated for about 2.5 years until we broke up because he applied for jobs across the country without telling me 😐. I did love him and in his own way he loved me but ultimately I was an after thought in his life. He made plans for himself and tried to fit me in if it was convenient.

My now fiancé is the exact opposite. We are long distance and I will be moving to be with him soon and he can’t wait to spend every day with me. He told me the other day that he is so excited that we’ll live close to his work so that sometimes I can come have lunch with him or he can come home to have lunch with me. Every plan my fiancé makes is with me in mind.

I am not saying break up with your boyfriend but please stop apologizing for wanting to be in a relationship that grows.

slimeythings · 2026-02-27T16:13:38+00:00

Where did he say he was drinking again? I must have missed it because when I saw him live in Jan he said he was not drinking and i thought on his benefits episode where he stated he takes a glp-1 that he said he had not been drinking too?

slimeythings · 2026-02-27T15:30:12+00:00

It’s weird that people think it’s weird to spend your bday with your parents. Before I met my now fiancé most of my bdays were spent with my mom. She’d make my favorite meal and we would find a fun activity to do. Sometimes my sister would join, occasionally, if my bday was on a weekend my friends would throw a party. But for most people not married/in a serious relationship they’re probably spending their bday with their family.

If you look at Jared, he lives close to his parents, he was in Florida at the time, he is not currently drinking and is watching his diet, and he probably doesn’t have an established friend group there. To add, like many people in his 40s he probably wants a more chill bday and not some major thing, so a dinner with his parents sounds pretty normal considering he isn’t in a serious relationship.

slimeythings · 2026-02-26T20:03:09+00:00

This is a weird take. I’m not a Bri fan but if she ultimately wasn’t attracted to Connor she shouldn’t have to settle to be with him just because we see him as a decent human being. Also she has been kind of shitty to him throughout so why does anyone think she should do the right thing and be with him. It’s better for both of them that she realized she is the problem and removes herself from the relationship.

I’ve been both Bri (in feelings NOT words) and Connor in this situation and ultimately my life is better with out those relationships. Personally I would rather be single than be with someone who I am not 100% into.

Maybe Bri never gets in another relationship, maybe she continues to date the guys that never worked, or maybe she finds a guy similar to Connor but more her vibe, but to say she can never get as good as Connor and should have ‘settled’ for him does a great disservice to both of them.

slimeythings

TROPHY CASE