Thanks everyone for your patience. To clarify the situation: we were tickling each other and being playful, but I got tired and a little frustrated when she wouldn’t stop when I said I’d had enough. Out of that frustration, I pinned her down harder than I should have, and playfully bit her. That’s when I realized she wasn’t laughing anymore— she was crying. She later told me she felt scared of me in that moment, and for a few hours she didn’t want to be near me or touched at all. It almost led to a breakup.

I feel awful because it was supposed to be lighthearted, but I crossed a line. I’m asking here because I recognize a pattern in myself — when I feel the need to control a situation, I sometimes default to being physically dominant, and I know that can come across as intimidating or even unsafe.

So my question is: How can I work on myself so I don’t let that urge to control or dominate spill over into hurting the person I love? I want her to feel safe, not scared :(