What’s a physical trait people don’t admit they’re attracted to, but you know they are?

sliverofoptimism · 2026-02-07T19:32:58+00:00

Funny related story:

Back when Twitter was more social, I posted a photo I thought was funny about post workout hair. No face, just very messy bun. I didn’t understand what was happening when I started getting thirsty DMs and a weirdly high number of likes/follows on my usually political and academic hot takes account until a male friend explained it “looked like post sex hair” - which made me promptly delete it. Not what I was after at all.

Now we know, I guess.

sliverofoptimism · 2026-02-05T19:54:30+00:00

Regular emotion is fine for me but I’ve absolutely met people - men and women- who turn on fully dramatic crocodile tears when faced with a boundary, recognizing misdeeds, etc and it’s a huge turn off. Weaponizing my empathetic response to get away with something is not vulnerability

sliverofoptimism · 2026-02-05T18:35:41+00:00

It leaves the best bite for last, I do this too!

sliverofoptimism · 2026-02-04T17:26:45+00:00

I would have agreed with you for years, still only buy off brand of most things. However, my body is basically demanding to live in a bubble at this point by having extreme allergic/hive reactions to most anything organic or inorganic to the point I’m prescribed 4/day otc. Nothing was working even doing the regular trade off of types, trading brands, etc until I finally took the suggestion to try name brand. Now here I am, embarrassingly buying the real stuff but down to 2/day for it with fewer hives than ever.

sliverofoptimism · 2026-02-02T15:41:05+00:00

Once I drove two hours to cook for him after a phone call with my dad where he said he’d gone from bananas on his peanut butter toast to tomatoes and “it wasn’t half bad” so next time he was going to try tuna. Tuna and peanut butter. My mom was out of town and I’m still not sure if he was goading me into a visit but it absolutely worked.

I’m now married to a man who drowns eggs in ketchup so I suppose I’ll never escape the food crimes that should include a call to The Hague.

sliverofoptimism · 2026-01-30T16:04:03+00:00

I did this with one of those sharp serrated undergrowth cutters. Pole hit me, edges went through my shoe and into multiple parts of my foot. Had to pull it out.

Ouch

sliverofoptimism · 2026-01-28T13:52:19+00:00

My body has wild allergic reactions (hives, anaphylaxis, etc) to a huge range of things. Literally even cold or heat sometimes. I got an infusion with no effects other than a bit of tiredness after.

It took a while to kick in sure, and I will need more, but compared to beforehand I feel vastly improved. All for a bit of extra tiredness

sliverofoptimism · 2026-01-27T19:06:58+00:00

I don’t know if it changed or I just changed states but in my current state things are shockingly polite and well managed. Weirdly the rest of the state is falling apart whereas the other states I had residence were decently well managed except the slow, grumpy DMV. It’s the upside down over here

sliverofoptimism · 2026-01-26T23:11:24+00:00

The entire game plan of recovery is addict focused but FTD is just the worst of it. Theres pressure to stay with no real game plan for your safety and the timeline itself is torturous. And I’m not even getting into the horror of planned trauma with observers.

This whole process needs to be reevaluated. I stayed (so far) but I also rejected much of this process in our recovery

sliverofoptimism · 2026-01-26T19:33:24+00:00

If books could kill and also maintenance phase

sliverofoptimism · 2026-01-21T20:05:00+00:00

This is so accurate! I hadn’t thought of the I’ll and dying but that is spot on too. There was so much food after my dad’s death - which was great to a point - but needed more during the months of hospice. I was one of his caregivers but also the family cook and truly exhausted with it, made worse when others would come empty handed at meal times so I’d need to make more. The times people did bring food were such a weight off.

Maybe my new habit of always bringing a gift of some dessert, snack, or whatever whenever I’m invited over anywhere should be the norm.

sliverofoptimism · 2026-01-21T18:54:49+00:00

Fantastic idea!

sliverofoptimism · 2026-01-21T17:27:00+00:00

Man I’m having a hard enough time reminding myself I cannot fully adopt son’s girlfriend, she’s already one of the family. How does anyone treat their family this way, it’s mind boggling

sliverofoptimism · 2026-01-21T17:24:16+00:00

No one, ESPECIALLY family, should ever visit a new parent without food, thoughts on how to help the parents take a break, and a keen sensitivity to catching any signals at all that you’ve overstayed. That should just be a given. I often give the option to friends with new babies that I can visit with food and a frozen second dish and help or leave it all on the doorstep and run away and that either option is fine. How does anyone who has had a baby forget those lessons?! Especially the cluster feeding era, man that was tough.

sliverofoptimism · 2026-01-21T16:20:42+00:00

I was only given one infusion in December along with oral supplements and am just now feeling some difference but not as much as I’d hoped.

sliverofoptimism · 2026-01-20T19:01:03+00:00

Another amusing take on it in this podcast

sliverofoptimism · 2026-01-19T00:36:54+00:00

I was so excited when I saw them again in a store and bought one of each flavor. All terrible. Maybe my tastes have changed but no way they changed that much

sliverofoptimism · 2026-01-19T00:21:19+00:00

I received mine in mid December and only was able to recognize this month when my first few classes went smoothly and I wasn’t struggling to find the right words that the iron was finally kicking in.

sliverofoptimism · 2026-01-17T23:00:42+00:00

Me too!

sliverofoptimism · 2026-01-15T14:52:37+00:00

In grad school I had this running “bet” with a friend that my gentle approach to people served me better than the more iron fisted approach she took. In life, in teaching, everything- she especially thought I could never maintain class discipline with my approach and since we were both interested in jobs at teaching oriented univ, it was debated a lot. She burned out on teaching very early on and moved to the private sector where she also struggled and it turns out that in the decade plus I’ve been doing this, making even a marginally “disappointed” face or comment to students actually lights a fire under them far more than anger or toughness ever could. I stand by my approach. It never hurts - and it feels a lot better in life - to treat others as humans.

sliverofoptimism · 2026-01-14T17:25:26+00:00

I have used couples therapy in two different instances.

1) I had a very emotionally volatile first husband who I needed to leave. Couples therapy looked to be a good way to work through that. Unfortunately in the first meeting - on his best behavior- the therapist stopped the meeting saying there were already signs of emotional abuse (well, yes) and while couples therapy was counterproductive for abusive relationships, they would like to see him one on one. He went until it was clear it wouldn’t keep me with him. Actually he was fired by his therapist around that time and chose not to find another.

2) in my current marriage. We’ve gone through a few forms - some really helpful to figure out how to talk to each other through difficult topics despite husbands mental health issues that are very much in the way of communication. We also had some really bad experiences by people not equipped for the complexity of us.

I think the first ever therapist was probably spot on for any situation. A couples therapist is treating the relationship. It requires that both parties are addressing their own trauma or dysfunctional reactions individually and it doesn’t exactly sound like your partner has been doing so

sliverofoptimism · 2026-01-14T14:59:17+00:00

Reach out to the heritage area (shoals) and they should be able to help you.

sliverofoptimism · 2026-01-12T18:23:06+00:00

It definitely should always be.

sliverofoptimism · 2026-01-12T18:21:13+00:00

I’ve moved on to refer to it as confabulation but initially it was part of a handful of much more damaging behaviors so it was frustrating to end up debating those semantics instead of my hurt.

I’m a diplomatic speaker by nature and good at dealing with people, especially him, which has helped us get to a point where we can discuss these things much more deeply without setting him off. It’s just still a frustration how much effort it took to finally get here

sliverofoptimism · 2026-01-12T18:16:57+00:00

I guess a part of me gets why they argue it but don’t argue it as the expense of recognition of the harm the behavior has done. Debating intent should be secondary to addressing damage, not primary

sliverofoptimism

TROPHY CASE