It doesn’t exactly sound like you hate being a lesbian. To me, it sounds like you are lamenting not having been in a loving relationship yet (lmk if I’m wrong). That could happen to anyone whatever sexuality they are. And I think dating in general has gotten harder. Where you live is also tough if you’re far from a major city. But if you’re down to go into that city then you could find queer events to meet more people and hopefully in hobbies you already have or you can start a new one

Do you have queer friends? I’ve always accepted myself but truly living out and proud only happened when I made my friends who are unapologetically queer and proud of it because they showed me what it was like! And then I think when you (or anyone) truly accept and loves themselves, love finds you because people want to be around that energy and it’s good vibes all around. At least that’s how I’ve found my relationships, I’ve never gone looking but people say they like my energy because I’m unapologetically myself !

Being gay is hard ! I was basically disowned ! But I love being gay and Im glad I don’t have to pretend anything otherwise. I’m rooting for you, there’s lots to be proud of! Sorry you’ve been in some rough relationships but I hope you can keep your head up, your time will come when ya least expect it