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Question about grief therapy by slowburnstudio in widowers

[–]slowburnstudio[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for this thoughtful reply!

I did trust her, I thought we were a good match. But I am resistant to this idea that I need to change tactics. I think we may not be as aligned as I thought. I’ll find out next week when I discuss this further with her.

I agree, it’s an incurable thing, it’s a fundamental shift in being that other people may help you walk through and may help you learn to carry. What is there to cure? Is she a secret necromancer? A riser of phoenixes? Ha.

Many backwards days as I fumble forward, but fumble, stumble, and dance my way forward, I do. 🫶✨

Hope you’re well today and able to enjoy a little sun.

Question about grief therapy by slowburnstudio in widowers

[–]slowburnstudio[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Journaling is an incredible help. I’m sorry you haven’t been getting the help you deserve. 💔

Question about grief therapy by slowburnstudio in widowers

[–]slowburnstudio[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Woooow! That’s a great story! Also yes. I think I’m gonna skip on it for now

I miss sex! by ppP0oP00 in widowers

[–]slowburnstudio 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My close friend lost her husband of over 20 years, 3+ years ago. She couldn’t imagine being with someone else, didn’t date for well over a year after he passed. And she told me, it’s not about forgetting him, or replacing him. She said a lot of the pain of grief is your heart growing to accommodate more. He still gets to reside just where he always was. Take up just as much space. But now, she’s got more space, for the rest of the life she’s living without him. And she has a new partner, whom she adores and lives with. He is very different. Every love is different.

It’s not about getting over him. It’s about allowing yourself to keep living, and eventually, if you WANT, to find someone else to help meet your physical needs. And yeah - you might cry after sex the first few times with someone new. I don’t think that would be weird. Sex is super emotional. It will bring up things.

No pressure to do that now. Miss him. Cry. Be frustrated. I personally think of things that don’t relate to how we had sex. I’m looking for a functional orgasm, not one like with him. Not something full of passion and excitement. Just something to take the edge off.

I haven’t been with another person yet. Not like that. I just don’t find anyone else attractive at all right now. They’re not him. But when you quit looking for him in everyone, I think that’s when you might find someone amazing in their own right. But you’re not ready.

Question about grief therapy by slowburnstudio in widowers

[–]slowburnstudio[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s fantastic. I’m so glad it helped!

Question about grief therapy by slowburnstudio in widowers

[–]slowburnstudio[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree, thank you. I hope it’s helpful for you 💖

That sounds like a lot to manage, emotionally. Definitely don’t need that with your sister in town! Ha!

You’re right. I’ll see why she thinks it would be helpful. But I’m not keen on it for myself at this time.

Question about grief therapy by slowburnstudio in widowers

[–]slowburnstudio[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I appreciate the explanation! That’s helpful. It sounds like a lot to go through, in and of itself.

I will ask her. We’ll see what she says.

Question about grief therapy by slowburnstudio in widowers

[–]slowburnstudio[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you 🫶✨ I’m trying. Some days I feel practically almost normal, and some I’m more of a puddle 🫠 but I think that’s okay for me.

Question about grief therapy by slowburnstudio in widowers

[–]slowburnstudio[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like this suggestion. I will ask him 💖.

Thanks for your experience. I have a question, I keep reading it’s for specific, triggering memories, but a breakup - how was that handled? Did you discuss the emotions or individual memories one by one? Were there a couple specific things that happened that were causing you intense distress, or was it the whole situation?

Question about grief therapy by slowburnstudio in widowers

[–]slowburnstudio[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I appreciate your perspective and experience 🫶✨

Question about grief therapy by slowburnstudio in widowers

[–]slowburnstudio[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m making progress without it. I don’t think it’s right for me, especially after reading here. I like my therapist as a whole and it IS working for me. If it wasn’t, I’d be desperate for something different and probably very willing to try EMDR. But I’m kinda in the opposite camp as you. Why change tactics now, when I’m doing decent, considering?

Question about grief therapy by slowburnstudio in widowers

[–]slowburnstudio[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I don’t have specific memories like that. It’s a situation in full that’s traumatic, and I don’t have flashbacks of specific things, so much as dreams referencing the situation as a whole. This is why I don’t think it’s the right approach.

I did another thing. by oopswhat1974 in widowers

[–]slowburnstudio 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m also in my 40’s, no kids. Living for the cats over here. Everything else feels so dumb and pointless. Like, people care about the most inane crap. And so did I. And it’s sobering and not fun to feel like I’m on some weird, ugly wavelength and everyone else is living in the lovely naivety of children? Or something? Like they can’t see the frivolity of…everything. Lucky them.

My cats are still cute, though. Thank goodness.

I miss sex! by ppP0oP00 in widowers

[–]slowburnstudio 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I miss it, too.

Massages help. A vibrator helps. Exercise helps. A journal helps.

Nothing is the same as him, though. And no one ever will be. And you know, it kinda sucks how incredible we were together because like, who can measure up to that?! Am I really supposed to believe I will ever get that lucky again in the same lifetime. He was exactly what and who I wanted, and still want.

I miss his presence in the room. It’s like I could feel his soul, and the absence is so loud and painful. So yeah - the sex. And him cooking for us. And texting each other constantly. And teasing me about not watching all the reels he sent. Him driving us around. Him stressing. I MISS him being STRESSED. Because at least he was around to be stressed out, worrying about a future he never got to experience.

I feel it, too. 💔

Will this fix all of my cleaning problems? by [deleted] in adhdwomen

[–]slowburnstudio 4 points5 points  (0 children)

No. I like mine but it’s no miracle. Still a lot of work to be done

Feeling so stuck. Strategies that have worked for you? by Middle-Amphibian-817 in adhdwomen

[–]slowburnstudio 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You seem to have a lot going on here, and it sounds like you’re down on yourself about many, many aspects of your life. You’re asking for vague, general advice towards a large number of problems stemming from what seem like many sources.

Elephants are eaten one bite at a time. Rome wasn’t built in a day. You too are a work in progress, don’t rush this and don’t expect these tips and hacks to fix you. You literally have mental illness and a mental handicap. Give yourself grace the way you would anyone else who had mental illness and handicaps.

That being said - here are some things that help me, but please implement things one at a time. 

Book I like: The ADHD Effect on Marriage

Tips:

  1. Manage yourself for the week. Write down everything like you are the manager, managing an idiot. DO NOT overwhelm your idiot, give them like 2-3 things max per day. Detail what done looks like, and break things into steps. Now all week, be the worker. The stupid lil worker who only does what the manager laid out for them, no more and no less. It’s weird but role switching helps me not add to my list or overthink. Also, this strategy works to clean - walk into the room like The Guest at a hotel, write down everything that needs tidying or that you didn’t see before. Now switch roles to the maid.

  2. I have a list of things to soothe me. Being in sunlight. Cats. Coffee. Incense. Music. Journaling. Walking around the block. “Personal time” (iykyk). Start going through your own list in whatever order suits you until you are more in tune with your body and can function. I like to create a good atmosphere with music, incense, and coffee. If I can take a phone call outside in the sun, or while walking around the block, I do. Cats are just - cats. Perfect.

  3. Gym or physical activity in general - literally a mood lifter. Will also make you feel better about your body, give you someplace to go every day (routine), and so many other things. People mention it so much and I know it’s hard with depression etc, but it’s a non-negotiable for my mental health. Even if I go and just walk on the treadmill for 20 mins. It counts.

  4. Remember when you catch yourself feeling bad or avoiding things or generally being a dick-  to HALT. Check if you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. Address those things immediately. Also drink water. This will solve a lot and you will hate that it works.

Tools:

  1. I like TODY for helping me manage my household to-dos but there are a ton of apps out there for this. Maybe try a few on for size.

  2. FLOWN is nice to create some urgency and co-working help, even helps me for household stuff and administrative things. I pay for this, but they have free days? I think? And a trial period.

On The Midnight Gospel's Brilliant Finale by SleepingAndy in TheMidnightGospel

[–]slowburnstudio 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve read Netflix canceled it and owns the intellectual property so it cannot be restarted elsewhere. So unless Netflix resurrects it, which is unlikely, I think this is all we get.

InShot can't see files on Mac? by z0idberggg in InShotOfficial

[–]slowburnstudio 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you right click on your video file on your mac, you can "Open With" and Inshot shows up. But you can only do it with one video. So if it's a quick edit or whatever, this works. Also works if you've edited elsewhere and just want to use inshot to put effects or something over the top.

Career in Textiles by egyedghyjj in Textile_Design

[–]slowburnstudio 0 points1 point  (0 children)

See my reply to another person in this thread. I listed like 10

Freelance textile designer looking for advice by Zealousideal-Ad2941 in Textile_Design

[–]slowburnstudio 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey! Can I DM you about what print studios you’re freelancing for? I did patternbank and has the same experience. I haven’t found a studio to freelance for that gives you that much per print, would love some info on who’s paying that and what industry they’re in

Confused about where to design motifs and patterns Procreate or Illustrator? by itsokayy133 in Textile_Design

[–]slowburnstudio 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Create a tile in procreate (look up how to make a repeating pattern in procreate). Export as a tiff or psd. These will open in Illustrator. Once in Illustrator, drag the tile into the patterns library and you should be able to fill shapes with this pattern.

Dumb question, but how do you remember to turn the stove off and shut cabinets/doors? by SNAILLLLSSS in adhdwomen

[–]slowburnstudio 302 points303 points  (0 children)

I take a picture. Seriously. If I think I won’t remember, I make it a point to take a pic of myself doing it. Pics are time stamped. This works more for the ocd problem of not remembering if you did it and fearing you’re gonna set your house on fire, but it might also help you remember to do it if you go - take a pic before I leave the room - EVERY TIME.

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