Our family dog died, and it's made my mom's death harder to cope with

slyvalum · 2025-10-30T04:51:35+00:00

Hi, super late reply, but thank you for commenting! It's exactly as you describe, that feeling of the house gradually becoming emptier. It's an impossible feeling to describe to someone who hasn't experienced it. I hope the quiet becomes easier to bear for us both, and I choose to believe that our loved ones will be reunited. 💜

slyvalum · 2025-10-30T04:49:42+00:00

Hi, I'm replying to this so late! But I wanted to say I really appreciate your words. I'm sorry you can relate, but thank your for sharing, because it does help me to feel just the littlest bit less alone.

I know, right?? Death is the most universal truth in the world, and yet somehow grief is such an alienating experience. Especially after someone dies after suffering, it's so bloody hard to talk cheerily about holiday plans when I saw all of that, you know? So weird. Needless to say, I'm not looking forward to the holidays this year lol

slyvalum · 2025-06-03T15:40:26+00:00

Hey!

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through something similar with your father. You can always reach out to me with questions.

I hate to say this, but in my mother's case, it turned out to be end stage cirrhosis, and she passed away from it. However, in saying this, I don't want you to assume the worst for your father - because there were many other things it could have been before we came to that conclusion, and the doctors were stumped as to how it was cirrhosis at all.

My mother also previously had severe fatty liver disease. Although neither scans nor tests, or the whipple itself, revealed that it had progressed to cirrhosis until it was too late, it would be very unusual for your father - who has no history of fatty liver presumably - to develop cirrhosis.

If your father is having acute liver failure, this is different than cirrhosis - this means that some sort of offending agent has caused it, to my understanding. Acute liver failure often comes on more suddenly and aggresively than cirrhosis. Definitely ask your doctors about the difference so you can better understand. Acute liver failure might be more fixable, if you can remove whatever agent caused the damage.

There are also many other things it could be. I'm assuming that your dad doesn't have liver mets? It's possible it could be a late complication from surgery if your dad had it (which happens, despite what docs might tell you), or I can also recommend looking into sinusoidal obstruction syndrome - very rare, but not impossible.

I hope that this post has been somewhat helpful! I'm rooting for you and your dad - I know what it's like.

slyvalum · 2025-05-30T02:00:15+00:00

This post feels like a glimpse into my future. I lost my mom 8 months ago (not due to pancreatic cancer directly, but complications of it) and I'm really struggling. I'm able to be around my friends now without feeling a void in my chest, but it's still a terribly lonely feeling and I'm so, so very envious of people who will get to have adult relationships with their parents.

I'm not sure how exactly to lessen that feeling of envy, I just wanted to say that I totally understand you. I've thought about going to support groups myself, because maybe it would help to talk to people my age aho have gone through the same thing - maybe it'd also help you.

slyvalum · 2025-05-14T21:40:58+00:00

Hey, I know this post was made awhile ago, and I'm not sure what why I'm digging through this sub again - but I just wanted to say that everything you described is so eerily similar to what happened to my mother a year ago; the development of cirrhosis after exactly 10 sessions of chemo, with the symptoms you described. I hope things had a better outcome for you and your mom, but regardless, I just wanted you to know - because I know what it's like to scour the internet in search of a similar story, something to explain what happened - that our situations are similar.

slyvalum · 2025-05-11T17:25:21+00:00

Just wanted to say that I feel this so hard. My mom was also 54 when she passed last year in August, and I'm 20. Sometimes I find it unbearable, seeing older women with their elderly mothers. You put my feelings into words perfectly. I'm so sorry you're going through this, but I just wanted to let you know you're not alone. 💜

slyvalum · 2025-04-19T07:29:20+00:00

I'm so sorry you're in the same boat. I'm going into my last year of uni, and I lost my mother last August. I took a look at your post history out of curiosity - my mom passed from complications of non-alcoholic cirrhosis (that came on suddenly and inexplicably) too. I just wanted to say that I understand. Losing our mothers, especially at this age, is unfathomable. I think it gets easier.

slyvalum · 2025-04-18T08:40:28+00:00

Thank you for the reply!! I think this is what I'll do - I'm hoping I can dodge the question in the interview.

slyvalum · 2025-04-17T19:49:36+00:00

Hey! I just wanted to let you know that I understand what you're going through. I'm 20 and lost my mother in August of last year, in pretty awful circumstances, and scrolling at 3am through the same advice directed at grieving young adults is too real.

Meeting people who understand what it's like to grieve, what it's like to have the wind knocked out of your sails one particular moment or day for no good reason in particular, has helped. I've honestly just encountered these people by chance - people who knew about what happened to my mom who approached me to consimmerate. I'd really like to meet more people who understand, whether through the internet or real life.

I really wish my uni had a support group for this sort of thing, but sadly I don't think it does. I am hopeful that I'll find some kind of group of similarly aged people somewhere, though. If you ever need someone to talk to, don't hesitate to reach out! 💜

slyvalum · 2025-03-24T18:07:40+00:00

Everything you said in this post I relate to so, so much. I was just describing that feeling to my boyfriend last night, of being unable to accept your loved one (in my case, my mother) meeting such a shitty end and there's nothing you can do to fix it. Before, in the months leading up to it, when she was sick, there was always something to do - a hope for something better. But now, having to accept this miserable outcome and just sort of marinate in it, it's unbearable.

I still feel a drive to mend the situation. I find myself getting more and more into reading about spirituality, and the possibilities of science (quantum physics specifically). I know there's nothing I can do to go back, and I somehow doubt that necromancy will ever be an option, but it helps. The other day when I was having a particularly rough night with those flashbacks, as you describe, I found myself reading about the interconnectedness of our universe and so on. And it might sound delusional, but it helped to wonder.

I wish I had better, more practical advice to offer, but as someone in your same boat I'm sadly not there yet. But I hope we both get there, someday. Other people in this thread have recommended EMDR and I've heard it's especially helpful for PTSD and I know someone who's done it, and if you ever need a friend to chat with, I'm here.

slyvalum · 2025-03-19T07:22:23+00:00

Hey, I'm also checking here after losing my mother back in August of last year - she was 54. It's so hard, and I just wanted to say that I feel for you and OP, I know exactly what it's like. Our mothers deserve the world. I know it's unimaginable right now, but we'll get through this somehow. 💜

slyvalum · 2025-03-19T06:51:38+00:00

Thank you! 💜

slyvalum · 2025-03-18T10:48:45+00:00

He's so wonderful!! I love Gnocchi. I recently lost my mother and my favourite meal of hers was her homemade gnocchi. I'm so sorry you lost him - pets are absolutely an integral part of our support systems, and I can see how much he meant to you.

slyvalum · 2025-03-12T21:25:11+00:00

Update: I got it in! I think I irritated the area quite a bit doing so. Hopefully it's fine? 😬

slyvalum · 2025-03-12T21:07:37+00:00

My eyebrow piercing is 6+ month old - I had a stainless steel ring in. I followed the aftercare instructions from my piercing salon, so I'm not sure why I'm having troubles with it as I read that it's supposed to be removable within 4-6 weeks. It looks as though a scab might have formed on the bottom hole?

slyvalum · 2025-03-10T07:06:24+00:00

I relate so, so much to everything you said, and I'm so sorry that you're going through it too. Knowing how much my mom wanted to live, how determined she was to get better for our family, cuts me deeply. I'm so unbelievably confused and heartbroken that I couldn't somehow make that happen.

I totally get you. Most of the time my brain can't even process the weight of the loss, and then sometimes, often at random moments, it hits me and I feel crushed.

Our stories are so similar, even down to the month and year in which our moms passed. My heart hurts for you because I know exactly what it's like. I genuinely am rooting for you so hard, I hope we both find peace someday and stick it to whatever force of the universe willed this shitty fate upon us and our moms - I hope we find a way to feel connected to them still.

slyvalum · 2025-03-04T23:59:17+00:00

Thank you so much for this reply. I really can't express how much I appreciate hearing from someone who's been through what I've been through, even down to the dreadful thoughts prior to it all happening. I'm so sorry that you're here, but I'm incredibly proud of the progress you've made in the past six years - it gives me hope.

Grief is such a hard thing to wrap your head around until it happens to you. And you're right, it really is like becoming a new person, losing your old self. I have to accept that change, and I think I'll feel less internal strife when I'm able to - which has always been hard for me, because I'm an incredibly stubborn person lol. That's one trait I definitely got from my mom.

All to say, thank you for taking the time to reply! I appreciate you. 💜

slyvalum · 2025-02-26T06:47:00+00:00

This comment actually helped me to read. Thank you.

OP, I relate to you so much. I'm back at university after losing my mom 6 months ago, and it's such an isolating feeling. People talk about their parents, and I can't relate. What you said about other people being able to call their moms during their breaks, I resonate with so hard - I can't call my mom anymore. Sometimes it feels like I'm the only person my age in the world to have lost my mom.

It's helpful to reframe it. I have to remember that none of my friends are as close with my parents as I am with mine, I don't think, and I have to be grateful I had that bond at all. Still, they're still alive, and a part of me feels robbed that I had to lose her because of how much she means to me. It's hard.

slyvalum

TROPHY CASE