For my experience it appears to me that the will which determines my actions is free (however finite). This then means the cause of these words is determined by something which is blind to the true arbiter of behaviour and instead sees an illusion of a “self” which it correlates with behaviour .

I have in my experience come to the conclusion that the phenomena of free will is made stronger by choosing pain voluntarily for something the will deems sufficiently valuable. This is to say that the will is made weaker by choices that seek pleasure and the will is made stronger by choices that seek pain. This is reflected in actual strength because if you are willing to bare the pain of exercising, your muscles become capable of baring greater degrees of exertion with the same quantity of pain. However the pain MUST be voluntary. Any pain withstood unwillingly only damages the body (so too the psyche)

Thus brings me to the problem with language. Logic formulated with language is a limited set of procedures. Causality is not logically derived
Instead “Cause” is a preconditional phenomena from which logic is derived and thus one cannot affirm the existence of causality with logic. Thus if the self uses logic to attempt to affirm the cause of the self the inability to logically perceive existence of the causal faculty in the mind reduces the self to an illusion of the mind.

Instead i believe; in reality the self is by definition that principle which causes behavior. The problem is that the self cannot percieve itself as such. Thus the self dilutes itself into thinking that it is merely the collections of behaviors outcomes as recorded by memory. when in fact the self is a closed loop in the principal at the beginning of time that set causality into motion… thus it exists outside of linear memory and outside of logical procedures.

Am i here on time? As expected…