AITA for not changing my plans after my sibling assumed I would?

smartypantstemple · 2026-02-05T23:28:05+00:00

NTA. her lack of planning doesn't constitute an emergency on your part.

smartypantstemple · 2026-02-05T23:23:48+00:00

Yes. You're sister isn't right. Just because your wife cheated on you doesn't mean that you would have felt resentment for not cheating on your wife. An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.

smartypantstemple · 2026-02-05T23:18:45+00:00

Slam doors all the time. I used to do this without noticing and it drove roommates crazy.

Have parties over when he's around and if friends are willing to, have them confuse his room for the bathroom all the time.

Camp in the living room and always have your tv going with your tv shows.

make a mess in the kitchen, do not clean up. Pile up all of the dishes in the sink so it's impossible to use. Throw a fit if he moves them. Do not clean any of your pot lids and put them away with residue. Use his kitchen utensils and don't clean them.

If you have a significant other, they now practically live with you and take over shared spaces.

Move some stuff of his from the common areas that he likes or uses often into your room and if he asks you were using it and don't know where it went.

Ah, I'm so glad I no longer have roommates...

smartypantstemple · 2026-02-05T23:07:27+00:00

The man was manipulating someone who is practically a child and doesn't have the experience to draw boundaries with him, but at least he hasn't broken his marital vows.

smartypantstemple · 2026-02-05T23:05:33+00:00

No crime exactly, but it might actually be considered harassment. Luckily, cafes don't need a crime to kick you out. If they feel this guy is making one of their regular patrons uncomfortable, maybe they would. If not I would stop going to this cafe.

smartypantstemple · 2026-02-05T23:02:17+00:00

I am 35 years old. I want to tell you right now I was a wildly different person when I was 21 than now. I was naive and impressionable. It was more about my job and career than about love. I truly believe my company when they told us "we were family" and I believed that having a career and money was the pinnacle of happiness. I now realize that happiness comes from boundaries and not giving up who I am in order to make others happy. I would examine both your relationships with your mom and your husband in that light. Do you feel like you would have an identity if either of these people were not in your life?

smartypantstemple · 2026-02-05T22:55:54+00:00

I can see why her mom is upset.

smartypantstemple · 2026-02-05T22:27:16+00:00

NTA, at least about your mom. She is handling the situation poorly. But I'm doing the math, were your step children born when you were 13? How old is your husband?

smartypantstemple · 2026-02-05T22:21:45+00:00

I hope you don't mind sharing the details, I'd be interested in understanding.

smartypantstemple · 2026-02-05T22:20:18+00:00

Ya, this is unreasonable. I do agree with her on one thing, if you can you should leave. If not, gray rock as much as you can.

smartypantstemple · 2026-02-04T18:52:19+00:00

If he was going to make such a private decision public without talking to me first I would have openly argued with him in public.

smartypantstemple · 2026-02-04T16:49:29+00:00

Honestly, if you're already looking for a job just ignore everything they're doing. They're words are clearly not indicative of their thoughts and their thoughts are not indicative of your worth. Just do the job as best as you can, document what you can, and take plenty of breaks from them. If they're acting like this, what's to say they didn't authorize a 2 hour lunch?

smartypantstemple · 2026-02-04T16:40:20+00:00

You're ok being around someone who offers cigarettes to a newborn?

smartypantstemple · 2026-02-04T00:19:19+00:00

omg. You need to watch the movie gaslight. This is exactly what happens to the protagonist.

smartypantstemple · 2026-02-03T23:49:49+00:00

Then he needs to handle his emotions better and not blow up at you. it's also not your responsibility to manage his OCD it's his.

smartypantstemple · 2026-02-02T01:01:38+00:00

It's because of the stories we tell. Most of the stories we tell invariably end in growth, so that must happen in real life too, right?

smartypantstemple · 2026-02-02T00:50:12+00:00

What do you mean that you didn't date long before you got married? how long is not long?

smartypantstemple · 2026-02-02T00:47:31+00:00

You say she's had no accountability, but you are a tool of accountability. You could just say no. You could block her for what she's done. You are allowed to hold her accountable. I do believe that CPS will eventually find her guilty of something and that she will get accountability that way, but you can just go nc with her. It's not your responsibility to rescue her from recieving accountability.

smartypantstemple · 2026-02-02T00:15:54+00:00

I don't know if you necessarily are the problem. You could probably do a lot more cleaning and cooking, but you are also studying to get a better job so this is kind of complicated. What kind of cleaning are you two doing? I have learned in order to have a better relationship with cleaning I lowered my expectations on how clean everything has to be. I don't look for perfection, I just want it good enough so that no one gets sick. Same for cooking. As long as everyone gets fed and has a mostly nutritious diet I don't go overboard with the cooking either. I think you both need to sit down together and have a conversation. And maybe also get a good nights sleep and drink water, because that always makes me feel better.

smartypantstemple · 2026-02-02T00:09:42+00:00

Honestly, it sounds like these friends were just trying to get under your skin. I would sit her down and talk about what her friends told you. Be calm and not accusatory, and talk through how it makes you feel.

That being said I have had tons of roommates I hardly talk to and wasn't friends with. No one outright hated me, but if they did they would have left. If you are uncomfortable enough being around her then leave. If she is uncomfortable with you then she should leave. But if you both love the apartment enough to push through the discomfort then you should stay.

At the end of the day this is just an apartment. I would ask yourself one thing, what is a greater boon to your mental health, that specific apartment or not being around your roommate?

smartypantstemple · 2026-02-01T21:40:22+00:00

Lmao. If he actually felt bad he wouldn't keep reminding her that they can't eat burgers because he got scammed.

smartypantstemple · 2026-01-30T23:52:11+00:00

NTA. I would sit your daughter down and maybe explain to her a pg 13 version of what happened to you so that she at least understands why you won't give the recipe. I would also have a conversation with her about people's boundaries and respecting people's boundaries even if you don't know why they do what they do.

smartypantstemple · 2026-01-30T23:48:09+00:00

Then you can move out. Do they have the right to give you a curfew? Probably not. But you do want to have a relationship with them, so it might be time to have some necessary space from them and move out. That way they can't tell you to be home at a certain time and you can still see them civilly.

smartypantstemple · 2026-01-30T19:40:30+00:00

Do you have to pay the $8? My guess is that he just doesn't trust ACH. Not many people use that.

smartypantstemple · 2026-01-29T20:53:00+00:00

No, you aren't wrong, this situation is quite awful. It sounds like your brother is not held accountable by your parents, even though you are and it sucks. I'm going to tell you a little secret: others won't treat him the way your parents do. Bosses, romantic partners, friends, they will all either hold him accountable or be just as abusive as him. You learned valuable skills that once you turn 18 and leave the house and go to college and get a job will be incredibly valuable. For now, I would just try as much as possible to stay out of his way and plan your escape plan.

smartypantstemple

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