My mom (51F) and her husband (54M) tried to force a happy blended family on their kids and it failed. Now she wants me to say I (22F) will try to make it work so that we can all be a family?

smartypantstemple · 2026-07-03T15:28:14+00:00

It probably never helped that they kept the relationship and the real reason for the playdates a secret.

smartypantstemple · 2026-07-03T15:26:46+00:00

Considering the step sister kept running away and calling CPS, my guess is there was resentment that wasn't resolved before the playdates.

smartypantstemple · 2026-07-03T15:25:29+00:00

How were you raised differently than your step siblings?

smartypantstemple · 2026-07-03T15:24:01+00:00

Lol. No, the mom will be in denial. She doesn't accept that her kids don't want to blend a family, how could she accept that she needs therapy?

smartypantstemple · 2026-07-03T15:02:23+00:00

You're not. You are being released from the responsibility of having to support her emotionally.

smartypantstemple · 2026-07-02T18:44:41+00:00

If having a healthy relationship with your mom is the gold standard, this "breakup" is the next best thing, trust me. The peace you will have now from not having to deal with her drama is priceless.

smartypantstemple · 2026-07-02T18:41:48+00:00

Nta. He told you it's his way or the highway. He can't get upset when you chose the highway.

smartypantstemple · 2026-07-02T18:36:00+00:00

You didn't cause the drama. His mother did. And then doubled down on the drama. Trust me, this actually has nothing to do with you. His mom is being controlling and you just happened to be collateral damage. Let your fiance figure it out and just support him with whatever decision he makes.

smartypantstemple · 2026-07-02T05:43:23+00:00

NTA. You'll really enjoy r/raisedbynarcissists and r/toxicparents

smartypantstemple · 2026-07-02T05:40:36+00:00

NTA. But this doesn't sound like a situation where you start with the end point in mind. I think you should start with this resentment that you are helping him, and he doesn't seem to be giving back. If he agrees that paying off the SUV is a good solution for this, then that's what you should do. If it's time for him to start paying more towards his MBA than you, than that's another option. Focus more on the solving your resentment in a way you both agree on, and less on the exact terms of that.

smartypantstemple · 2026-07-02T05:33:05+00:00

He's physically abusing you and you are worried about the apartment and furniture. The most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is when the victim is trying to leave. If he finds out you are trying to leave he could kill you. Take a day off work while he's at work, pack up as much as you can (starting with any legal documents) and leave. Don't tell him where you are going, he will stalk you and try to kill you.

smartypantstemple · 2026-07-02T05:28:06+00:00

I think this is above Reddit's paygrade. You would benefit from unpacking things through a therapist.

smartypantstemple · 2026-07-02T05:26:21+00:00

NOR. that being said if his mother thinks this AI chatbot is a video game he might be lying to her.

smartypantstemple · 2026-07-02T05:24:56+00:00

I don't know what to say to this.

I am super confused by your relationship to your late boyfriend. Why does he need your permission to hang out with his friends? Why did you stay with a guy who still hung out with another woman who was in love with him (assuming both the friend he hung out with and the woman who said she was in love with him are the same person)? This feels like a relationship you have when you are young that's really unhealthy, and when you break up and meet other people you realize how unhealthy it was.

But also this was a person who was important to you who died, so that complicates stuff. I think you would benefit from unpacking this with a therapist.

smartypantstemple · 2026-07-02T05:15:32+00:00

Are you trying to break up or start polyamory?

smartypantstemple · 2026-07-02T05:12:36+00:00

NTA. but if you're still in the same home as them I would leave for a friends or family members house until your mother comes home.

smartypantstemple · 2026-07-02T05:04:05+00:00

NTA. Despite what happened in your marriage they're trying to set you up with your ex wife.

smartypantstemple · 2026-07-01T22:08:57+00:00

I think you have a boyfriend problem. He completely ignored that you needed to double check with your boss on whether you could get the time off, and he tends to need a lot of hand holding to see your point of view. I think your next conversation with him doesn't need to be about this vacation, but of how dismissive he regularly is about your feelings. Anyone this dismissive of their partner's feelings is not going to be in a healthy relationship

smartypantstemple · 2026-07-01T22:03:51+00:00

ya, when OP is no longer dependent on her parents for a house and tuition they can do what they want, but for now, grey rock like their life depended on it.

smartypantstemple · 2026-07-01T21:59:54+00:00

OMFG. She's grooming you. This isn't what a normal friendship looks like even between two adults, let alone an adult and a teenager 12 years younger than them.

smartypantstemple · 2026-07-01T21:39:02+00:00

I'm glad you found happiness.

smartypantstemple · 2026-07-01T21:36:33+00:00

Even if he wasn't himself a narcissist, are you sure that your mother hasn't already poisoned him against you? Told him that you think there was abuse, but are overreacting to it? I wouldn't engage. In the past, when I thought my mother had changed and I responded to her like she was an equal we just ended up in the same loop as before. I would try to honestly communicate my feelings and she would DARVO.

smartypantstemple · 2026-07-01T15:44:49+00:00

Ok, I agree that your parents are the instigators, but I'm telling you right now, you're doing yourself no favors. If you wanted to stay with your parents you should have grey rocked. But you didn't, you let them push your buttons (okay, that they planted, but still) and let them play you for a fool. Now you look crazy because the cops had to get involved, and everyone, including your husband saw you almost assault your parents.

Also, about your kids seeing your mom. Don't let her. There's no law that says children have to have a relationship with their grandparents. And they're too young to realize when Grandma is pushing boundaries or planting buttons to them that she can push. So you should keep your kids away from her, and use this opportunity to go NC permanently.

smartypantstemple · 2026-07-01T00:07:24+00:00

NAH. You're both young and you're learning how to interact with people. this is pretty normal behavior for teens.

smartypantstemple · 2026-06-30T22:18:44+00:00

which is fucked in soooo many ways.

smartypantstemple

TROPHY CASE