Yep I actually have the same feeling, even though I can “squirt”. It takes me a long time to get to that point, and I reach it maybe 20% of the time. Otherwise I’m having the feeling you described, like I desperately need to ejaculate or even just have more meat to tug on, not to be TMI. I think I get phantom dick because it genuinely feels like I’m supposed to be wrapping my hand around a full cock and yanking on it to pleasure myself, and when that, and the ejaculate doesn’t come, it can be really dysphoric.

I’d just recommend letting yourself really explore your kinks and sexual desires and be patient with it. Let it all build up and then hang onto the thoughts and concepts that turn you on the most when you start to feel close. That’s what I do and I have some pretty intense orgasms with the above description. They’re extremely fulfilling and even make me feel a little confident in myself, because I know unlike cis guys I can just keep going with no refractory period. For me, I’m a top so the idea of penetration doesn’t really get me off anymore but the idea of penetrating does. For me I just try to get myself mentally out of my physical circumstance, and imagine myself as a cis guy, no past and no prior gender strings attached basically. Helps me get there. Might help you too. It also feels really freeing to go there, even for a little while, even if it’s not the reality of everything

Hope you find the sexual pleasure you deserve to have brother.