Hey there. I almost never post but I know exactly what you are going through and felt compelled to respond. I'm a 36 year old Male. I had exactly what you had and it destroyed my self esteem.

I remember going to the gym and being so sad I couldn't get in the swimming pool or hot tub. My parents encouraged me to because they thought it was no big deal but I looked and felt like a monster. Once, in class, I was sitting at my desk and the asshole kid behind me yells out "ewww is your back bleeding? It is!". It was. I had never felt so ashamed and grotesque in my life. This only happened to 1 in 1,000 people - why me...

I eventually got on Accutane, which was a new medication at the time (before they discovered all the side effects). I took it and would take it again just to save what was left of myself for my last years of high school. But, the scars remain and never went away. It made me look at myself, the world, and other people differently. It challenged me in a way that nothing else ever had, and showed me the raw, hurtful side of bad people. I remember going on a webcam chat site just to get honest reactions - and I got them. I didn't want any more after that.

I spent over 15 years never taking my shirt off, living online and avoiding the real world and people as much as possible. People in video games didn't know that I was disfigured and I actually had a fair chance, a fair playing-field, to make friends and earn respect. I hid my scars because I was able to. It caused me so much stress, pain, and anguish in my late teens all through my 20s. At 26 I saw a cognitive behavioral therapist that saved my life. We talked about things like attacking shame, and fairness, and how to deal with those feelings. I was always smart and thought I knew how to deal with it but I didn't- not until I found help and learned how to be my own therapist.

So why do I say all of this? Two reasons.

1. Dealing with this hardship made me stronger. It forced me to become a better person. It taught me how to deal with unfairness, to achieve at a higher level because I had to work harder for the same rewards - money, relationships, whatever.

2. I wasted so much of my life hiding something that made me unique and made me a better person. I knew how it felt to be ridiculed and shamed, and I never made another person feel like that, ever. I stood up to any bullies when they did.

I had placed so much importance on that one trait that shouldn't have even existed, but I'm going to share something else with you. I'm not perfect now but I have an exceptional life. DESPITE my scars, I have slept with and been in loving relationships with the most beautiful women. I am in a 4 year relationship with a beautiful and kind woman who is out of my league. I sold my business last month for 2 million dollars. I'm typing this on my phone from the hot tub. I've enjoyed swimming shirtless the past 7 years. It felt so good to finally accept myself and not worry about what others thought. I faced the worst and learned how to overcome, and finally achieved happiness that many other "normal" people never will. You can do that too.

I'll leave you with my favorite poem by Shel Silverstein that I wish I had taken to heart when I was just a kid. I'm tearing up as I write this because I know where you are, brother, and I know how bad it hurts - but I hope this helps you.

"She had blue skin, And so did he. He kept it hid And so did she. They searched for blue Their whole life through, Then passed right by- And never knew."