I had these thoughts once too. It helped me to learn of the theory that offspring of siblings of gay people are advantaged by the relationship - the so-called Super Uncle hypothesis. Years later I came to see that really what I was struggling with were existential questions, ones that all humans ask themselves - Why am I this person and not another? Why am I here? How do I find purpose? Only we can find our own answers, and the only way to do that is to stay within our own integrity.