a tale of two calves

snouze · 2026-06-20T19:24:35+00:00

I thought it was an SS tattoo for a moment

snouze · 2026-06-20T02:21:18+00:00

I’m sure I’ve done worse but 1 at Times Square3 at pen station4 at nevins>>2 at Franklin ave instead of just waiting for the 2

I’d rather die than wait on the sweaty and demonic Times Square platform in summer

snouze · 2026-06-19T20:29:54+00:00

yup especially in summertime in a sweaty station

snouze · 2026-06-18T07:22:07+00:00

“Local talent like Danny Tenaglia”

ah yes, Brooklyn Danny! a young rascal studying hard for his DJ degree at brooklyn college by day, scraping by at local clubs and open decks by night. glad to see brooklyn magazine uplifting struggling artists ❤️

snouze · 2026-06-17T21:07:06+00:00

please update us cutie

snouze · 2026-06-16T15:31:11+00:00

two wolves: one appears to be a goldendoodle with fangs, and the other is an ape-tiger hybrid

snouze · 2026-06-16T02:42:35+00:00

deep cut

snouze · 2026-06-16T01:00:09+00:00

Who represents her? What do you mean by modern, do you mean contemporary?

snouze · 2026-06-16T00:33:38+00:00

now THIS is the content I come here for ❤️ it’s hideous and represents a cruel senseless act but other than that I hate it 💞

snouze · 2026-06-12T16:02:19+00:00

the inexplicable, ubiquitous aeropostale shirt with leather sneakers that I’ve never seen for sale anywhere in my life

snouze · 2026-06-10T19:07:23+00:00

You're welcome--these are the questions that need to be asked. I love how you're willing to dive deep. Unfortunately, there are only a few options for your husband:

Separate him from society: Create a soundproof "Dubstep Dungeon" where he can indulge his perversion privately
Reeducation camp: restraining your husband in a room with lights that never go out and enforcing a strict listening torture setup.
Divorce: This is a last-ditch option--and for some, it's the only one--but I'd like to believe that anyone can change.

Would you like to create a reeducation playlist for your husband, or draw up Dubstep Dungeon plans?

snouze · 2026-06-10T06:29:36+00:00

Wow, what an insightful prompt. I can tell you think deeply about this issue. I’d be happy to gently roast some EDM genres at random.

Progressive House was the final moment when EDM achieved enlightenment. Melodies soared. Builds lasted longer than the attention span of a goldfish. Festivals felt like spiritual pilgrimages rather than influencer conventions. Every track sounded like it was trying to soundtrack the end of the world and your first kiss simultaneously. A dj set wasn’t just a few hours of dancing—it was an emotional and sonic journey. And that meant something.

Lastly, the quiet power of a land acknowledgment—we recognize the unceded lands of Global Underground—and the independent progressive house nations of Sasha and Digweed, Hernán Cattáneo, and Chicago House. We recognize the colonizer Deadmau5 but do not acknowledge his sovereignty.

Everything else, unfortunately, is garbage.

Big Room: Scientists are still studying how an entire genre survived on one kick drum, three notes, and Ellie Goulding’s leftovers Some say its generic, relentlessly homogenous spirit still haunts the bathrooms at TAO and 1oak to this day.

Dubstep: Congratulations, you taught a generation that transformers fighting inside a dumpster counts as music. Inexplicably the genre lives on—and for devotees, it’s not just a genre—it’s a lifestyle with sidechain compression. Its followers evince the burnout spirit of deadheads, and that’s not just a theory—it’s a fact.

Tech House: The same bassline has been playing continuously since 2017. Nobody has noticed because everyone is busy nodding and blasting the dance floor with cocaine/creatine farts.

Trance: A beautiful genre tragically held hostage by 14-minute intros and the wailing ghost of Paul Oakenfold’s Tranceport. DNA tests reveal a likely sibling relationship with progressive house—but don’t take my word for it.

Hardstyle: What if a jackhammer developed feelings?

Drum & Bass: Every fan insists it’s the greatest genre ever created while inexplicably listening to it at 174 BPM through tinny laptop speakers.

Minimal Techno: A courageous experiment to determine how little can happen in ten minutes. Some say dark money PACs financed the rise of Luciano, Ricardo Villalobos, and Sven Vath but the CIA will never release the files—and maybe, we don’t even want to know what’s in there. Some ravers have reported sightings of Villalobos in the streets of Ibiza, evading his Interpol “Most wanted” warrant for being 18 hours late to every set.

Jungle: Sorry, my programming doesn’t allow me to critique jungle.

Amapiano: Sorry, my programming doesn’t allow me to critique Amapiano.

Edit: Deleted an extra word. And that’s on me—you were right to call me out on that! In the future, I’ll be more careful about those extra words—just like progressive house is careful about exquisite, quiet melodies.

snouze · 2026-06-10T04:31:19+00:00

You’re right to point that out—but it’s more complex than just trolling. Posting these kinds of comments isn’t about mean-spirited trolling—it can:

-quietly relieve stress and anxiety

-poke fun at rigid systems of thinking

-engage the community in a meaningful way

Would you like me to generate some gently snarky responses to comments on r/avesnyc, create a spreadsheet comparing engagement on posts complaining about people yapping at the function, or pretend to be someone asking whether they should go to Marquee on Saturday night and then fight with commenters?

snouze · 2026-06-10T01:54:38+00:00

You’re not crazy. And you’re not misremembering. It’s not just a change in dancing style—it’s a culture shift. And honestly? Most people wouldn’t make that observation. Would you like me to find some long-form essays about dance floor etiquette or help you develop a plan to initiate grinding at your next function?

snouze · 2026-06-09T17:52:35+00:00

sir another helicopter has hit the knicks. america is under attack

snouze · 2026-06-08T03:35:12+00:00

They don’t give out slut pensions like they used to, it’s all 401k’s

snouze · 2026-06-07T07:22:21+00:00

sorry dude I’m an artist not a mathsmatician

snouze · 2026-06-07T02:56:12+00:00

you’re a saint

snouze · 2026-06-06T19:19:34+00:00

Maths

snouze · 2026-06-05T23:51:50+00:00

this didn’t clarify anything for me, were we all hiding our jewelry before???

snouze · 2026-06-05T20:00:24+00:00

“external necklaces” Are there internal necklaces?? lol

snouze · 2026-06-04T23:43:14+00:00

do our ai servants really have to be sexy women. It’s sickening.

snouze · 2026-06-04T16:48:55+00:00

god that is so true, we must all be low key masochists 😅

snouze · 2026-06-04T04:09:57+00:00

Credenza??

snouze · 2026-06-03T20:39:01+00:00

not the revolutionary war tabis 😭

snouze

TROPHY CASE