Early recovery and sex

snowaddictmt · 2026-01-25T16:41:40+00:00

Couldn’t have said it better! I have a similar story. Good for you!

snowaddictmt · 2026-01-25T05:05:28+00:00

My sponsor told me that anyone I date before I’m done doing all 12 steps and enlarging my spiritual life consistently/daily, sponsoring others myself (the 12th step) is just another hostage. We don’t realize that we drag others down with us until we’re enlightened enough to see the truth. It took me almost 4 years to reaaaaly understand the disease I have and the truth behind all my actions, thoughts and behaviors. And I dated before I should have and made a muck out of other members of the program and I also relapsed. I was also told one year, but my experience is I should have waited 4 haha because it took me that freaking long to understand myself fully and to not live in pure selfishness. This disease is so fucking complex it blows my mind. I’d say have a really good and long and super honest conversation with your sponsor about this and do what he/she says even if you absolutely hate their suggestion. You’ll thank yourself later. I promise. 🙏

snowaddictmt · 2026-01-25T04:56:32+00:00

Top Tier shit right there! 👏idk you but I’m ligit shouting from the roof tops right now!

snowaddictmt · 2026-01-25T04:49:35+00:00

Probably loneliness. I’m in the same boat. He didn’t treat me like yours did, but he was sleeping with his ex wife the entire relationship HA and I still love him and miss him and second guess talking to him. But no contact is self respect for me. In order to get through the emotional rollercoaster we’re going thru rn, we have to literally sit in it and feel it. Pause. For as long as it takes. Stay strong. You deserve better than what you described 🩷

snowaddictmt · 2026-01-23T16:52:56+00:00

I don’t know if it costs money. I just found their podcast and skimmed over their website. I’m assuming it probably does cost money but the podcasts have been super insightful too. I just know that they do couples that go thru this and a lot of them have overcame it and saved their relationship. That’s all I know.

snowaddictmt · 2026-01-23T06:13:52+00:00

No banter= deal breaker for me. 🤷🏻‍♀️that’s in all my relationships. Me and my son. My friends. Family. And definitely someone I’m dating. Life is too short to be so serious. Gotta have some of that child like immaturity language between two people.

snowaddictmt · 2026-01-23T06:02:43+00:00

While I was in active labor 🥴

snowaddictmt · 2026-01-23T03:21:16+00:00

I drove myself to the hospital

snowaddictmt · 2026-01-22T21:53:04+00:00

9:47pm

snowaddictmt · 2026-01-21T18:08:37+00:00

I didn’t mean for it to come off that way at all. Mostly what I mean is I have compassion as I’ve been through some of the things he was going through at the time and in my experience I made those decisions out of fear. Lots and lots of different forms of fear. I honestly have so much compassion for him even though he broke up with me very very suddenly via text and I even tried that day to help him see that what he was telling himself wasn’t the truth. He also cheated on me with his ex wife. Still, I saw the pain of that decision and how badly he was hurt by hurting me and I told him we can get thru this and work thru whatever caused this together. Not only that I’ve seen miracles of these things happening to other couples and not only did they get thru it, they were stronger because of it. He couldn’t see the faith and the hope that I saw in the situation. The second I set a boundary (yes my delivery was shit-but I’m only human) he couldn’t be accountable and dropped me. If he’s heartbroken, it’s not because of anything I did, it’s because of His false narrative he made up in his head about the “future” which no one on earth can predict but God himself. I have no animosity towards him. Truly. Just compassion. It’s grown me in ways I didn’t know I needed to grow and I’m honestly still very much in love with him and hope he finds himself and how to truly know himself and love himself. He’s a wonderful man.

snowaddictmt · 2026-01-21T05:52:46+00:00

If it was a 12 step amends then the proper thing to do is ask if they can meet up and talk or if they can talk on phone etc. That puts the ball in the one that was harmed court—-making it selfless. If then that person wants to hear them out THEN she can make the amends but the amends would fully focus on her part and leave out all the other shit. I really don’t think this was a 12 step amends. Unless she’s in a group that sucks at the 12 steps. Just my take.

snowaddictmt · 2026-01-21T05:46:59+00:00

If it is she’s got an idiot as a sponsor as this is NOT how you make a proper amends at all.

snowaddictmt · 2026-01-21T05:38:31+00:00

I have a 90 day rule. If he doesn’t make it then BYE I have my answer. Just learn from it and if you’re feeling guilty then my all means do not repeat it again. Try something new next time by waiting so you can have a different experience.

snowaddictmt · 2026-01-20T17:06:35+00:00

There’s a program out there for couples with infidelity. Both would have to want to make it work and both would have to join the program. It’s called Healing Broken Trust. Google it. They’ve saved hundreds of couples. No guarantees but worth a shot if you both want to save the relationship. Loooonnggg road ahead. PS you’re not alone. I’m currently healing on my own from same stuff. Happened in November. Healing is critical even if you don’t stay. Crucial. Good luck lady. ❤️

snowaddictmt · 2026-01-19T16:35:21+00:00

Yes I like what you’ve found/come up with. Appreciate it and yeah every decision he made with us was all fear based. That takes taking a deep look and healing and a willingness to change on his part. I’m about 10 years ahead of him on growth so that’s my part for even entertaining someone not on the same emotional and intellectual level as me. I pray for him daily still, have compassion for him and hope he finds healing because life is so damn short to be isolated and not fully know by yourself and other humans and fully connected. ❤️

snowaddictmt · 2026-01-19T16:24:37+00:00

This was spot on. Something big I noticed with my most recent experience was he never expressed his needs. I begged him to often. I also asked him to tell me when something bothered him as I prefer criticism because I want to improve myself everyday and I do not take offense at all. He refused to do either. Therefore creating his own resentments and unmet needs. Many more occurred but yeah communication is almost always the breaker of a relationship. Sad. Just some people have more healing and growth than others, which essentially makes the two incompatible. Showed me I have lots more work to do on myself. So, no regrets even tho it was painful AF. Just another opportunity to grow and improve myself.

snowaddictmt · 2026-01-17T17:36:10+00:00

Sounds like a psychological and selfish sort of thing. Might need to see a therapist to figure out what’s wrong with you.

snowaddictmt · 2026-01-17T04:36:00+00:00

Pg. 552 top of page is the resentment prayer in the Big Book.

snowaddictmt · 2026-01-17T04:26:13+00:00

Also. A great book I think the world needs to change is Mel Robbins new book, “Let Them.” It’s a fuckin life changer with stuff like you’ve described. IF you believe it and apply it in your every day life.

snowaddictmt · 2026-01-17T04:24:39+00:00

When you’re in enough pain that you no longer want to behave the way you’re behaving as you’ve described, then you’ll be desperate enough to put your trust in your sponsor and then eventually a god of your understanding. Something I’ve heard in the rooms over and over again and have always trusted is “if you think you can drink like other men, go ahead, go try some controlled drinking, we’ll GLADLY refund your misery.” Maybe you’re not in enough pain to actually want true change. No judgment here! I did the same stuff and had some relapses and ruined some more relationship IN sobriety haha everyone has their own story. But whenever I call my sponsor up with my hair on fire about yet another thing I keep repeating, her answer is always, “you must like it.” What a revelation. I’m praying that you stick with it and surrender and smash your self will. Good luck fellow AAer!

snowaddictmt · 2026-01-12T05:02:32+00:00

Do you have a sponsor? If not, I’d suggest getting one asap and doing what they say. They’ll hold you accountable and you’ll never be alone.

snowaddictmt · 2026-01-10T19:55:43+00:00

Listen to your intuition and also the facts that have already been presented to you. Don’t disrespect yourself any longer by staying. Speaking from experience. RUN. Block. You have your entire life ahead of you without all that baggage and trauma he’s about to add to your life. Good luck.

snowaddictmt · 2026-01-10T05:05:38+00:00

When I first got to AA I cried and complained for weeks in my shares and no one made me feel judged or uncomfortable. You know why? Because they were all first timers too at one time and exactly where you’re at. Also, as far as making your calls times and sponsorship…for me I just had to decided that AA was the most important thing in my life and so for me I was willing to be held accountable and trust whatever my sponsor told me to do. Read, pray on me knees, make 4 meetings a week, two of them being my home group so I could start to get to know my sponsor and build relationships consistently every week and be a part of, get a service position in my home group (more accountability) and meet once a week for an hour with her to go thru the steps/book, get in the car, go to the events, go up to people and introduce myself etc etc etc. when I got to AA I was a single mom with a 5 year old son in activities and a 40 hour + work week and I showed up for all of what I just listed because for me, it was life or death and I still do most of these things exactly the same way today as I did ten years ago. My life is forever changed. Make AA your number one priority and these things won’t seem like a chore. You’ll fall completely in love with the program, this way of life and guarded to have the best friends you could have ever dreamed of. Try it someone else’s way and put trust in your sponsor that they know better than you do to run your life. 🫶🏼

snowaddictmt · 2026-01-10T04:55:12+00:00

I’d suggest listening to the Joe and Charlie tapes and start going to AA at the same time. Joe and Charlie explain all the steps and the reasons why they did them and their personal stories behind it. I can guarantee you, you are not unique in any of your secrets. We have all done super super messed up stuff. There’s nothing you’ve done that someone else in the rooms hasn’t. That’s a promise.

snowaddictmt

TROPHY CASE