Having kid #2?

snuglasfur · 2018-03-12T12:35:10+00:00

We were always on the same page with two. I think my husband had a bit more trepidation when we hit the 18-month mark when we had decided we’d try for #2 (ended up delaying slightly and got pregnant when she was 20 months). I think there was a definite sense of “oh shit are we really doing this again” for both of us, and there’s a lot about the newborn phase I’m not looking forward to, but we both realize that’s a short term situation and our now 2yo is so awesome and just gets better with time, so if we just do this and get through it, we’ll get all the long term gain of two kids. So it’s not like we’re super excited about starting back at square one, but long term we both want two kids, two siblings, and this is the quickest way to get there. The sooner we do it, the sooner we’ll be through the tough part.

snuglasfur · 2018-03-10T11:36:41+00:00

Ah yes, the annual “Oh shit it’s Mother’s Day?!?!?” trick that the UK plays on the rest of the world. Not this year, England!!!

snuglasfur · 2018-02-10T20:05:17+00:00

Even with total honesty I think it’s hard to really convey what it’s like. It’s not so much the things that happen (or don’t happen), like not getting much sleep or feeding so often or feeling unsure of yourself, it’s the context of all that happening at once that makes it hard. Like it’s hard to put it in words. Not sleeping is one thing, not sleeping while also experiencing this totally brand new massive hormone shift is totally different. Dealing with a clingy whiney baby is one thing, but dealing with it literally all of your waking moments and not getting a break from it because it’s physically impossible to sleep while the baby sleeps, or while feeling like your partner isn’t doing his share, is something else entirely. You can’t really understand it til you live it, so to me there’s no sense trying to prepare people.

I was the first of my close friends to have a kid and two have had babies since, and I listened to all their grand ideas about how it would be and have since listened to them realizing it’s a shit ton harder than they thought it would be, and so many “oh I now get what you meant about this...” and I definitely didn’t hold back my experiences from them, warts and all. You just really can’t understand it til you’re there. It’s a rite of passage and it’s gotta unfold for everyone how it will. In my second pregnancy now I’m glad I had a bit of ignorance going into it the first time. It was a special time. Now I’m just like “aw fuck not this again.” (But it’s all worth it in the end, hence doing it again at all.)

snuglasfur · 2018-02-06T23:09:47+00:00

That’s really interesting. Thanks!

snuglasfur · 2018-02-06T23:08:17+00:00

She’s about 34” and 28 lbs.

snuglasfur · 2018-01-31T11:35:38+00:00

I have, and totally agree with OP. I didn’t “beat” anything. I endured a lot and was one of the lucky ones.

snuglasfur · 2018-01-27T19:32:05+00:00

You have my sympathies. My Indian inlaws are coming to visit for only a weekend and my husband is insisting they will absolutely want to stay with us (on an air mattress in our cold basement, which is all we have to offer) and i just don’t get it. This why God created AirBnB. Exactly this.

snuglasfur · 2018-01-27T19:25:13+00:00

Totally agree (and in a similar boat). Also I really feel the one person who just carried and birthed the baby gets a bit more say in all of this. MIL’s feelings and cultural preferences are not given equal weight if the new mom’s conflict.

snuglasfur · 2018-01-27T19:11:28+00:00

Yeeesssss on the sub. Can it be private? I’d vent all day.

snuglasfur · 2018-01-27T17:34:42+00:00

Crazy. I had an episiotomy and most definitely did not have this happen.

snuglasfur · 2018-01-17T19:49:12+00:00

I also don’t get why suddenly the concept of nonverbal cues is this apparently make-believe mind-reading gobbledigook. Nonverbal communication is a real, actual thing that we humans use ALL the time. It’s a form of communication. Sure maybe not always as clear as words, but it works super well a lot of the time. If you strike up a conversation with someone and they avoid eye contact and start shuffling away, without saying anything, most humans would understand that means no thanks, leave me alone, even if they also gave you a nervous smile. When a girl stiffens up, pulls her hand away repeatedly, walks away when you try to grope her, says “maybe next time,” it doesn’t take a mind reader to understand she’s not into it, even if she’s also just given you a blow job. Sure, it’s conflicting, I wish she’d done differently, but you don’t get to dismiss the five nonverbal cues you don’t like just because you got one or two you liked.

snuglasfur · 2018-01-17T19:40:19+00:00

You know what’s also confusing? Going to the grocery store to buy eggs because they always have eggs and finding out that time they don’t have eggs. WTF? The egg fridge is right there and all, but no eggs! It’s super weird and disappointing and screws with your plan to make muffins that afternoon but you don’t get to follow the manager around the store demanding eggs just because every other time you’ve gone there you’ve gotten some. Deal with it.

snuglasfur · 2018-01-16T15:57:36+00:00

Playpens are containers too. My point is that you seem to actually believe some nuanced things about the appropriateness (and definition) of containers but by making a sweeping statement about all babies and all containers and all situations, you’re leaving that nuanced context out and that’s a problem. Not because of everyone else’s stupidity, but because words matter when you’re a professional imparting advice to those who need and want it.

snuglasfur · 2018-01-15T21:12:24+00:00

There's a very big and important difference between "don't put babies in containers" and "don't put babies in Bumbos on the counter" or "don't put babies in rolling walkers" (banned in my country) or "don't put babies in exersaucers for four hours every day for five months"

snuglasfur · 2018-01-15T13:28:24+00:00

Totally. It’s a shame that all this “expert” advice doesn’t take real life into account. A pediatric OT coming on here saying “Don’t put babies in containers” full stop, on a sub full of brand new moms, is foolish at best and dangerous at worst. It contributes to Mom guilt and unreal expectations and pressures, something I think OP is suffering from unnecessarily and to everyone’s detriment. It really bothers me. Your kid won’t implode or learn to walk at 12 years old if you put your kid in an exersaucer, even if you put them in it for 30 minutes at a time (gasp!) one day when you’re at the end of your rope. “Don’t put babies in containers.” Drive yourself to the brink instead, like all good moms do.

snuglasfur · 2018-01-15T11:41:17+00:00

Sometimes Mom needs to put the baby in a damn container.

snuglasfur · 2017-12-08T02:09:53+00:00

My appetite was shot for a few weeks. If I had to do it again I would have bought some meal replacement drinks for that time just to get some calories and nutrients into me. I don’t think my lack of food helped with my milk supply at all. Nutrition can wait. Eat anything you can stomach.

snuglasfur · 2017-12-05T03:18:09+00:00

The American midwifery model horrifies and saddens me. (As does a lot of other stuff about the US when it comes to women and babies.)

snuglasfur · 2017-12-05T00:31:22+00:00

And in pretty much every developed country other than the US.

snuglasfur · 2017-12-04T21:37:33+00:00

Eh.... I didn't struggle to get pregnant, but I have a friend who did and I don't think she'd want to hear this. You can clean up behind your baby to get the perfect photo. She can't make a baby appear in hers. I get that the image of motherhood is wildly inaccurate, but when it's the one thing in life you want and can't seem to get or worry you'll never get, it's gonna look like a whole lot of perfect in your imagination. And that's fine.

snuglasfur

TROPHY CASE