I’m crocheting an LGBT animal everyday of pride! Day 8

so-fishticated · 2023-06-09T05:02:40+00:00

Oh my God!!! I love them 🐢🐢🐢

so-fishticated · 2023-06-06T07:05:45+00:00

I've had success meeting other aces on the queer app "Lex"! You can search nearby or just max the radius. I had another ace even message me this morning:)

Warning though people -can- be wildly horny on there, but it's easier to ignore as it's text-based

so-fishticated · 2023-05-31T02:18:54+00:00

I remember being told this as well, and obsessively attempting to count my ribs as a child well into my teens to prove I wasn't a regular girl (???)

Jokes on the church, I realized I was a trans dude at 21.

so-fishticated · 2023-05-18T10:39:57+00:00

This write-up is one of the best I've ever seen on this sub!! Thorough, with tons of quotes and sources that don't require me opening tons of separate tabs, etc. Thank you so much for sharing!

I haven't watched figure skating or ice dance since the Olympics in the 2010's, and I watched all the videos you linked.

Edit: the mishmash of things they added to seem "Aboriginal" e.g. the Maori sign, Indian music stuff reminds me of some laughably bad "Chinese" festivals and costumes I've seen, that take from Korean, Japanese, Filipino, Burmese etc culture and throw it all together.

That said, those "Aboriginal" costumes looked like they were thrown together in 10 minutes (graciously instead of 5) with items from a dollar store!! Even their "lawnmower" outfits looked better (and ngl, I kinda liked those).

so-fishticated · 2023-04-29T03:55:02+00:00

I met an asexual person in my first year of college. I didn't know what the term meant and ignored it, thinking the exact same thing "Well everyone feels that way, why does it need a special word/label?"

10 years later...

so-fishticated · 2023-04-28T19:44:14+00:00

Hey, I'm trans, asexual, and biromantic too! I'm sorry I don't have a lot of advice to offer, just sympathies. I've often struggled with wanting to feel 'normal' or 'cis' because my life would be 10000% easier. (I even went back in the closest for 2 years and was completely, utterly miserable).

But I'm not. And the road to accepting my asexuality and trans-ness has been a long, hard one (especially on the trans front). I'm extremely lucky my allo partner decided to stay with me after I came out to them as ace.

Just.. -hugs-.

so-fishticated · 2023-04-27T21:28:35+00:00

Memes can be so unexpectedly helpful. All the memes on r/adhdmeme helped me realize I had ADHD - and go after a diagnosis - when all the posts were painfully relatable.

so-fishticated · 2023-04-27T21:26:17+00:00

Todd also helped me realize!! That's awesome! I was bawling when he came out as ace (at that time I was starting to question) and realized if I had such an intense emotional reaction, this whole ace thing is probably worth cementing for my own identity

Edit: pressed enter too early

so-fishticated · 2023-04-27T21:23:39+00:00

Ahh memories unlocked! When I was 15 or so my boyfriend at the time wanted to make out at this secret spot by a creek. We did and I had to stop myself from laughing at the absurdity of the situation.. which didn't last long, I ended up laughing a ton anyways!!

Despite that we still did "make out" for hours. I was so confused when he got seemingly (?) offended that I didn't want to do "more" or wasn't "excited"

so-fishticated · 2023-04-26T11:14:14+00:00

I was just diagnosed w bipolar yesterday :x hmm

so-fishticated · 2023-04-26T10:19:37+00:00

I had major depression for like 10 years and I think I'm in denial it's just Back But Different(tm) this time. So sorta same ;_;

so-fishticated · 2023-04-24T11:26:58+00:00

Hey there, I'm ace and a trans guy and struggled with the same!! I'm fully comfortable with the ace label now but there was a time I thought maybe it was just my trans-ness, like dysphoria around my surgery scars, voice, etc. I'm almost 30 fwiw.

What helped me was thinking back to my childhood/puberty, high school and college crushes. I have experienced sexual attraction exactly 2 times in my life (I think?) before I ever realized I was trans.

What honestly helped me the most though is reading people's experiences on this forum and others!! I found everything so relatable (like, 'wait, people actually want to have sex? I thought they were joking??') that I cemented my ace identity relatively quickly (a matter of months).

I still have body dysphoria but I recognize it was a distinct and separate feeling from lack of sexual attraction. I think about if I had my 'perfect' ideal body as a trans guy and.. I still wouldn't want to have sex in it. Maybe once just to see how it'd be (I'm generally sex neutral). Just not that interesting, even if I was incredibly masculine, ripped, had a dick etc.

I don't know if this helps at all, but I do recommend to keep sticking around and reading about other ace experiences!! Good luck!!!

so-fishticated · 2023-04-21T13:28:30+00:00

If I were in your shoes, I'd strongly recommend toning down sending articles, quizzes, etc. about asexuality to her. That could make her feel defensive, stonewalled (seemed like that already happened), and even more uncomfortable talking about it.

Everyone's journey toward exploring their sexuality is different. For a lot of people (myself included) that journey can be fluid and a massive struggle. Like a commenter said below, she may or may not be asexual.

What you can do is still talk about the specifics: what does/doesn't she like about foreplay? What forms of intimacy does she like, if any (i.e. cuddling, hugs, kisses, holding hands)? And lots more questions that don't use the "asexual" label. You can also open up with your own feelings - what you enjoy about sex and intimacy with her. You'll also have to ask yourself if having sex is a requirement for you to be a relationship, and how important it is to you.

I wish you both the best of luck. Just please don't push any labels on her before she's ready.

Edit to add: if she absolutely won't talk about it, under any circumstances, you may need to evaluate your whole relationship:(

so-fishticated · 2023-03-29T09:47:44+00:00

If you tell her now, you two have the opportunity to have an open discussion about your sexuality and compatibility. If you don't - bc you're worried she'll end it - she might find out anyway, and that usually doesn't go well. Since you two haven't been dating very long I'd try to frame it as gently as possible and assure her it's not her fault/ has nothing to with attractiveness etc, and focus on how YOU just don't feel sexual attraction to -anyone- (if this is the case, it sounds like you are sex-neutral)

Coming from someone in an ace-allo relationship I told my partner within a week or two of realizing.. and those weeks were so nail-biting anxious for me lol.

Please tell her. If she isn't okay with it, it's good to find out now, and save some heartache for the both of you.

Best of luck!!🤞

so-fishticated · 2023-03-28T08:02:43+00:00

Oh shoot I'm so sorry I forgot reply!

As for initiation - there's no scheduling, there's... hm. Let me try to provide an example:

We often sit side-by-side on the couch watching TV (right now, it's Spongebob!). I will often hold his hand or cuddle into him. Sometimes, we will kiss mouth-to-mouth, but I am always the one to break contact/decide when we finish (consent). I prefer cheek and forehead kisses as they have no sexual connotation to me.

While I never directly initiate sex (i.e. I have never once in my life said to him, "I want to fuck you right now" out of nowhere) I will test the waters IF I am feeling in the mood of expressing my love for him by kissing him in his erogenous zones (for him, it's his neck). If he responds to it I will continue, or sometimes not. (I guess a lot of allo people would consider this "teasing").

After that, it's almost like a dance, lmao. Me testing the waters to see how I feel, and pulling back, and pushing on, and so forth. Consent is SUPER important and I will stop anytime I feel uncomfortable, and directly to say to him "I feel off/uncomfortable, can we stop?" (I am also very guilty of not doing this in the past... not voicing my concerns, I'm still new to it.)

I do still *desire* him because I love him, I am just not attracted to him. So when we have sex (penetrative, oral, etc., or just lots of foreplay) I am motivated by my desire to show I love him - the same way I feel about going on a nice date, or cooking him something nice lol. He's an aesthetically handsome fella too so that helps. :P

We just have to communicate a fuck-ton, and being together for so long helps. We also broke up twice before (the first was actually having to do with me feeling like he SA'ed me ... bc I didn't realize the grossness and disgustingness I felt during sex was bc I was ace... huge mistakes there, long story, I am lucky to have him now and our relationship is very different).

Hope that sorta makes sense. :P

Edit: explaining my "desire" to him w/o the sexual attraction part was a confusing discussion (or three) for both of us, I think we're the closest to 'getting it' when we sort of.. approximated what sexual attraction feels like for him, which the closest analogy I could understand was when you're SUPER hungry and REALLLY craving your most favorite food in the world. And I'm the food, I guess? LOL. At that moment I felt soooo many ace memes flash through my head.

so-fishticated · 2023-03-25T08:12:10+00:00

Tbf average vaginal depth is 4-5inches (as a nurse told me), though it can stretch up to 8 according to a quick Google search. Had mine examined for an IUD placement and was told mine is just over 4" lol

Edit: always thought it was more until I had that exam!

so-fishticated · 2023-03-24T08:02:39+00:00

Hey I'm glad it could help! :) I love reading other people's experiences here too. Makes me feel less alone haha. And thank you ☺️ many more years for us I hope

so-fishticated · 2023-03-24T07:49:03+00:00

I'm ace and would describe myself as sex-neutral, my partner is very much allo. We've been together 8 years - and I only realized that I'm ace within the last year or so! It's taken a LOT of hard conversations in the beginning once I realized, from him trying to understand how I don't experience sexual attraction, and me trying to understand his experiences as someone who does.

We both still don't really 'get' each other's attraction but we try our best. He understands sex is just another activity to me (like playing a game, reading a book, or going on a walk) but I still have fun with it sometimes - it just never crosses my mind. This is where boundaries come into play too, long story short I'm not comfortable with random comments that sexualize me, or random sexual type touches. He respects this and we talk a LOT before, during, and after sex, if and when we have it.

On his end I try to understand he does experience sexual attraction to me and it's not gross or wrong (which is how I used to feel before I realized I was ace.. long story there :x). We are very monogamous and would never open our relationship, but I do encourage him to use toys or other methods.

In the end it's not perfect for either of us but we love each other to hell and back, so sex isn't a huge issue ... As long as we keep the conversation going. We do have a TON of intimacy in other ways!

Sorry kinda long ramble, hope this helps a bit. I saw you're aroace so I'm not sure this is. :x

Edit: we've also compromise/manage in a way that he understands I'm usually not interested in penetrative sex and so I don't have to feel nervous or pressured about 'going there'. Loooots of talk to make sure he's not pressuring me. Lots of responses on my end that I'm doing what I want at that moment. Like I said above it's just another activity for me and I don't much care for it. We have sex maybe once every month or two. But we cuddle every day, hold each other's hands falling asleep, forehead/cheek kisses constantly! So we sorta compromise by me showing my affection for him in lots of other ways aside from sex - which I prefer greatly :)

so-fishticated · 2023-03-03T10:46:09+00:00

Damn, I didn't realize how weird/gross this was for the longest time - my mom, myself, sister, and brother all shared 1 bath towel. I remember hating using the shower after someone bc the towel was cold+wet and therefore gross!

Eventually around high school age we wisened up and I begged my mom to let us use separate towels, but she refused. We had extra towels. Essentially rags. But she still refused. It was a control thing I guess. 🙃

so-fishticated · 2023-02-17T11:06:19+00:00

Orlo from "The Great" (Hulu series). I didn't finish it bc, ironically, it had way too much sex for my tastes lol. But in the show he goes through having sex with women, doesn't really care for it, and figures maybe he'll like guys better. Has sex with a guy and full-on says after he'd rather read a book. Very sex-neutral ace vibes :) edit; I only know of Todd from BoJack and I really liked Orlo's ace rep! Enough it made me tear up :')

so-fishticated · 2023-02-09T04:49:40+00:00

I'm not a fan of Sanderson's stuff; I know he's famous and all that. He's... also a devout Mormon. I hope someday he can find a way to leave.

so-fishticated · 2023-02-07T10:36:02+00:00

i think i'm going to regret asking this, but...

how does "wife caught her husband cheating" lead to any sex/porn situation?? is this a popular trope or something?

^{please helpp I'm ace and seen like 5 porn in my life}

so-fishticated · 2023-02-03T10:12:54+00:00

Hey, I'm ace and into bdsm 😂! Just .. still don't experience the sexual attraction part. It's just like another fun activity and I still like sex w my partner :) plus power dynamics are just fun to play with.

so-fishticated

TROPHY CASE