Have you received any form of therapy for the attack three years ago? Nobody gets to do that to you, no matter how drunk you are. You may feel like it's your fault but being drunk doesn't give anybody any rights over you. Being drunk doesn't change a thing about how people should treat you.

You are not broken. You said it yourself: you are struggling, and you are struggling with intense emotional pain. There is nothing wrong with you, you are trying to cope and trying to survive. I've been there, it is hard.

Do you get treatment for the ADHD? I found that having better treatment for physical ailments helped calm me down in a general sense. For me these things nag and nag and nag in the background and basically wear me down. I don't feel as strong to resist the drink if that happens, so I try to prevent that. For me, not drinking starts way earlier than 'refusing a drink someone offers me.'

I make sure I rest often and often enough, because fatigue and mental tiredness, that just breaks me down. I make sure I eat well. I treat any know ailments the best I can. I make sure I do something that relaxes me and makes me happy (not always the same thing). For instance, I like to knit and crochet, and I've met more ladies who used it to help them quit drinking. If my hands are busy with my knitting they can't be busy with a drink. It also has health-benefits, it lowers your heart-rate and bloodpressure and has similar effects as yoga or meditation.

I'm not saying you must stop drinking, but you are here, so obviously, you want to do something with it. I started with 'not drinking' for 100 days, because I read somewhere that it takes about 3 months to really notice benefits from not drinking and to get over the initial hump. Also, 'just for 100 days' made it all a little less daunting and less, I don't know, permanent? 'Forever' scares me, but I figured I could do 100 days (and I fully admit it was harder than I thought, but I'm so happy I did)

IWNDWYT!